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I am a Writer

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This was originally posted on an old blog of mine.  I’m getting ready to delete the blog and I as looking though it and came across this post dated November 29, 2012.  It’s funny how things change.  I remember the feelings, and before I post the blog, I’m going to answer the question that I posed in the blog post.  Just do it!  Make yourself write every day.  It doesn’t have to be good, it doesn’t have to be meaningful, it just has to be.  I am a writer, because I write.

Original blog post

I am Not a Writer

November 28, 2012

I’m not a writer – not any more.  Well, lets be honest and fair, I was never a professional writer, but I did write.  I used to write all the time.  I was thinking about this yesterday at work.  A friend and I were talking about writing papers and she said how she always struggled with writing papers.  That was never a problem for me,  I could sit and write the hell out of just about any topic and get a good grade.  She said she couldn’t do that and always hated writing.  That when I started thinking about writing.  I used to LOVE to write.  I have notebooks, pads of paper, and countless files filed with stories.  If you look at my profile on fanfiction.net  I have 35 completed stories under my pen name (and one uncompleted one – sorry people).  Of those 35 completed stories, 16 are multi-chaptered, and a couple of those are novel length stories.  They’re not necessary novel QUALITY stories however, nor are they original creations, they are fan fiction.  I don’t care about that.  I loved the subjects I was writing about.  It didn’t matter to me if they weren’t mine originally, I made them mine.  I’m fairly positive Melinda Metz doesn’t mind sharing her characters with me – it’s not like I’m profiting from them or anything like that.

I even have a couple of rejection letters to my name for some original things that I’ve submitted.  And if you look on my hard drive, you will find a bazillion story ideas, a couple of half written books and a thousand false starts.  But I stopped writing one day, and I don’t know why.  It wasn’t the rejection letters.  Sure they hurt, but it’s not like I had any false illusions about my talent.  If I were to get published, that would be great, if I don’t, that’s okay too.  There are tons of ways to get my words out there if that’s what I want to do.  But I don’t seem to want to any more.  I still have stories to tell, but I seem to lack the motivation to write.  I don’t know what happened and I don’t know why, but it’s gone, and I don’t know how to get it back.  It’s November 28th, and I just realized that it’s NaNoWriMo and I didn’t even think about it until the other day.  That has NEVER happened to me.

In a way, it’s kind of like a dream I had died.  I’d always dreamed that some day I’d get published, much in the way I dream of winning the powerball or something.  The chances of either thing happening are somewhere in the likelihood of slim and none.  I always knew that and didn’t care.  I still play powerball, but I don’t write.  That dream is gone.  It’s died and I don’t know how it happened or why, and I don’t know if it can be brought back to life.

I’m saddened by the loss of this dream.  The death of any dream is a tragedy, but usually when a dream dies, a new one is reborn, like a phoenix to rise from the ashes of that lost dream.  Not this time.  I have NOTHING that has taken it’s place and I don’t know what to do about it.

How do you get a dream back, or replace a dream that’s died?  How do I write again?  Can I write again?

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Thinking Positive: Take the Journey into Positivity

By: Tracie Joy

Thinking Positive Toolbox

A Workbook for Developing Positive Thinking Strategies

We all try to think positive, but sometimes it can be so hard. Life can get crazy, and we get pushed and pulled from all different directions. How do you stay positive when life seems to be conspiring against you? The Thinking Positive Toolbox will help you develop your own strategies to stay positive in this crazy life.

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