By the Hand (10.5/Rose, TEEN) 1/1
Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2009 4:27 am
Title: By the Hand
Author: cardinalgirl
Rating: TEEN
Disclaimer: Much too lovely to be mine.
Summary: Post-Journey's End. Pete's World. One night.
~*~*~*~*~
"What you doing up?"
He turned and saw her, padding softly, barefoot down towards him. A light from the other room was behind her and filtered through her hair, and there was just enough moonlight through the window to see her face. She was looking at him, nothing but curiosity and concern in her face. Never judgment, never criticism. He'd never known another woman like her in all his lives.
"Oh, it's nothing, really," he started, but stopped himself. It was strange, new, to know that the futility he was used to—of trying to share things, thoughts, memories, anything that came close to touching his inner self—didn't apply anymore. Or not for the same reasons. He still lived in the here and now, but no longer had to turn away from the just past. He didn't have to run anymore. He wouldn't have to watch her flicker out of his life like so many others, and be left with another kind of hole that never heals.
"Doctor?"
He frowned. Thoughts seemed to take longer to process when you were half-human. That was new, too. Less synapses. He missed his synapses.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah, I am." He smiled for her, and smiling made it so. "I was just, you know..." he trailed off, looking out the window, at the stars.
"I know." She closed the space between them and took his hand, squeezed it. "You miss it."
He knew she missed it too, the freedom, the never knowing what would turn up. But he also knew that she knew it was harder on him. They still saw their fair bit of adventure, but there was no TARDIS here. In the end, there was always that. One more of his loves, lost forever.
"You know," he said slowly, "I was human once before, just for a few months, traveling with Martha. But I didn't have my memories then. It was like I was walking around in a dream. I literally was John Smith then."
She bit her lip, considering. "Do you wish it were that way now? That you could have a brand-new start, leave the Doctor behind for good?" Her voice was carefully objective, but he saw her breath catch and hold.
"No," he said, shaking his head to dispel the very thought. "Though I have to say I'm sure you'd take better care of me than Martha did. Martha let me eat pears." He grimaced momentarily, and she laughed, a sound more familiar to him now than the chime of breezes coming through the trees on Gallifrey. He picked up the hand she held and touched her fingers to his lips. That was coming slowly to him, too. She was ready and willing with physical affection, and he was happy to receive, but offering it himself was harder. His habits of self-denial were more difficult to break than he ever would have guessed. "No, I don't want to lose anything else. Not a single one of those memories. Even the nightmares."
"That's good," she said, her voice stronger now. Harder, more determined. "Because someday, I want my children to know about their heritage." She said it very simply, matter-of-fact. A done deal, in her mind. It was what he loved. One small part of why he loved her.
"They will. Believe me."
She smiled, then, happy to have him agreeing with her so effortlessly. "C'mon, then. Come to bed," she said, softly tugging at his hand, then smoothing her other hand over his face. "My Doctor."
And she led him by the hand, like a child. Away from the window, away from troubling thoughts. He didn't know what this new life would hold for him, ultimately. How he would fare the challenges. But there was no one, not a single person in a thousand galaxies to the very edges of the universe, that he was more willing to trust it to.
..
Author: cardinalgirl
Rating: TEEN
Disclaimer: Much too lovely to be mine.
Summary: Post-Journey's End. Pete's World. One night.
~*~*~*~*~
"What you doing up?"
He turned and saw her, padding softly, barefoot down towards him. A light from the other room was behind her and filtered through her hair, and there was just enough moonlight through the window to see her face. She was looking at him, nothing but curiosity and concern in her face. Never judgment, never criticism. He'd never known another woman like her in all his lives.
"Oh, it's nothing, really," he started, but stopped himself. It was strange, new, to know that the futility he was used to—of trying to share things, thoughts, memories, anything that came close to touching his inner self—didn't apply anymore. Or not for the same reasons. He still lived in the here and now, but no longer had to turn away from the just past. He didn't have to run anymore. He wouldn't have to watch her flicker out of his life like so many others, and be left with another kind of hole that never heals.
"Doctor?"
He frowned. Thoughts seemed to take longer to process when you were half-human. That was new, too. Less synapses. He missed his synapses.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah, I am." He smiled for her, and smiling made it so. "I was just, you know..." he trailed off, looking out the window, at the stars.
"I know." She closed the space between them and took his hand, squeezed it. "You miss it."
He knew she missed it too, the freedom, the never knowing what would turn up. But he also knew that she knew it was harder on him. They still saw their fair bit of adventure, but there was no TARDIS here. In the end, there was always that. One more of his loves, lost forever.
"You know," he said slowly, "I was human once before, just for a few months, traveling with Martha. But I didn't have my memories then. It was like I was walking around in a dream. I literally was John Smith then."
She bit her lip, considering. "Do you wish it were that way now? That you could have a brand-new start, leave the Doctor behind for good?" Her voice was carefully objective, but he saw her breath catch and hold.
"No," he said, shaking his head to dispel the very thought. "Though I have to say I'm sure you'd take better care of me than Martha did. Martha let me eat pears." He grimaced momentarily, and she laughed, a sound more familiar to him now than the chime of breezes coming through the trees on Gallifrey. He picked up the hand she held and touched her fingers to his lips. That was coming slowly to him, too. She was ready and willing with physical affection, and he was happy to receive, but offering it himself was harder. His habits of self-denial were more difficult to break than he ever would have guessed. "No, I don't want to lose anything else. Not a single one of those memories. Even the nightmares."
"That's good," she said, her voice stronger now. Harder, more determined. "Because someday, I want my children to know about their heritage." She said it very simply, matter-of-fact. A done deal, in her mind. It was what he loved. One small part of why he loved her.
"They will. Believe me."
She smiled, then, happy to have him agreeing with her so effortlessly. "C'mon, then. Come to bed," she said, softly tugging at his hand, then smoothing her other hand over his face. "My Doctor."
And she led him by the hand, like a child. Away from the window, away from troubling thoughts. He didn't know what this new life would hold for him, ultimately. How he would fare the challenges. But there was no one, not a single person in a thousand galaxies to the very edges of the universe, that he was more willing to trust it to.
..
Write more WhoFic!! I'd love to see more from you!