Title:Life in a Box
Author:Roswellkitkat
Rating:Teen
Summary/Author’s note: This story is not complete, BUT I do plan on finishing. I apologize for those that read and are left hanging.
The group left Roswell in May of 2002. This story started out being CC and somehow ended up in UC land. Events follow those that happened in the show for the most part. Enjoy!
Credit to banner goes to the awesome Majiklmoon!
Life in a Box
I didn’t think I’d be the one to want to leave the group. Everyone was always reminding me about how I was the glue that held us all together. And at first, I believed them and that was ok. But slowly it began to change and I saw myself yearning for something else, anything else.
When I thought about it, I wanted to think that Maria would save me. That one day she would wake up and be tired of the running and the inconsistency of a normal life. But surprisingly she enjoyed it, the constant moving, referring to it as her ‘U.S. tour’. I have to laugh when I think about it, because her tour consisted mostly of singing in dive bars and karaoke nights. But she never gave up; she seemed to grow stronger, while I grew weaker. Her and Michael were still on and off again, but mostly off. He loved her and she loved him but they had the hardest time admitting it. So there they were Michael and Maria happy for the time being with each other and the life they were living. And it was at that moment, seeing Michael watch Maria from a corner of a bar, beaming with pride…that I knew only I could save myself. But I’m getting ahead of myself; let us go back…back to when everything started to unravel and change.
May 2004
I was up early, and actually enjoyed the solitude. Max lay in the bed, a blanket strategically placed across his body. I tiptoed out of the room and into the bathroom we all shared. It was a mess as usual. I picked up a random pair of boxers and chucked them into the laundry basket, a few feet away. As I readied my toothbrush, I stared at myself in the mirror. I was 21, but sometimes when I looked in the mirror I felt older. Maria says I worry too much and need to just relax. Maybe she was right. I sighed and finished brushing and running a comb through my hair, putting it up in ponytail.
I walked into the kitchen and set the coffee maker and then slipped into the hall closet for my sneakers. As I turned down towards the living room Rhona, our house cat, greeted me. She watched me from her perch on the windowsill and then hopped off to rub up against me a few times. I scratched behind her ears with one hand and managed to get my sneakers on with the other. She gave a small mew and wove her way in between my legs as I made my way to the door. I grabbed my keys and opened the door.
“You’re in charge,” I said with a laugh.
Rhona mewed back in response and began cleaning herself.
I quickly jogged down the 2 flights of stairs and onto the street. It was still dark. Yet, the city was just beginning to wake up. I did some light stretching and then took off down the sidewalk. I used the slapping of my feet against the pavement as music, going faster and then slower. Before long the sun was greeting me and I slowed down to catch my breath. Sweat was dripping down my body and I used my arm to wipe my face. I picked up the pace and finally realized I had gone farther than normal. I evened out my breathing and began to walk back to the apartment. As I walked I saw a mother and her daughter coming out of a building. The girl was crying and the mother was trying to get her to stop.
“I don’t wanna go,” the girl moaned.
“I know you don’t Beth, but you have to. You know that,”
“Why can’t I go to work with you? I can help. Miss Hailey says I’m a great helper,” she continued.
“I don’t think Mr. Jacks would like that very much, sweetie.”
The girl continued to pout and pulled her hand from her mother’s. The mother shook her head and caught me staring. I smiled and shrugged. It reminded me of the first time my father had let me help him grill in the Crashdown. I had felt like such a superstar. My father had adored me and thinking about him caused my chest to tighten. Things had happened too quickly and there had been no time to explain and say proper goodbyes. I had sent him the journal…hoping it would give he and my mother peace. But I still missed them. I quickened my pace and hurried back to the apartment.
Kyle opened one eye and peered at me from his lotus position on the floor. I mouthed ‘hello’ and headed for the kitchen. He had taken up yoga to go along with his Buddhism. It suited him. Especially since his powers had finally began to show. It was his way of dealing and keeping it all under control. Kyle kept Michael and Max on their toes and was a great source of reminiscing. I smiled as I thought about the end of our freshman year when he had finally asked me out. I had never thought a jock would be my type, but my Dad actually liked it. But I think he had liked the fact that Kyle’s dad was sheriff even more.
The kitchen was fragrant with the aroma of coffee and I took out several mugs and laid them on the counter. For myself I grabbed a bottle of water and chugged it down, staring at the calendar on the fridge. We had been in San Francisco for a year. It was the longest we had ever been in one city. I knew that soon Max would begin his research and calls and emails. And something would set him off and we would be on the move again. The first year we moved every 3 months. But after a year had passed we all had agreed that if they were going to find us, we would know. In the 12 months here in San Fran, we never had anything weird or out of the ordinary happen. And that suited me just fine.
“Penny for your thoughts,” Kyle said.
“Only a penny, huh?”
He shrugged and reached for a mug and a tea bag. I watched as he carefully prepared his mug and then set it aside to cool.
“You ok?” Kyle asked.
“Of course, just sweaty,” I said, chucking my empty water bottle into the recycle bin.
“Yoga is less sweat,” he said taking his mug and heading for the dining room.
I nodded and headed for my bedroom. When I opened the door Max was still asleep. I carefully shed my clothing and slipped in beside him. He moved slightly and I settled into the crook of his arm, closing my eyes and listening to him breathe. This was the life I had picked for myself. Could I see myself with anyone but Max? At one time, maybe. But now? He was my life, my husband. An alien king from space who had somehow captured my heart. I stifled a laugh. What would the special unit think of that? An alien king who didn’t want to take over the planet, he just wanted to make his wife happy?
“Morning Mrs. Evans,” he suddenly whispered.
Anytime he said it I could not help but smile. I, was Mrs. Evans. Elizabeth Parker Evans.
“Good morning Mr. Evans.” I replied.
“Did you have a good run?”
“I did. It’s going to be pretty warm today.”
“Any plans?”
“Isabel wanted to go shopping.”
“How about we meet up for lunch?”
“That sounds like a plan Mr. Evans.” I said and carefully rolled to face him.
He reached out and brushed a stray piece of hair out of my eyes.
“Have I told you lately how much I love you?” he whispered.
I shook my head and he smiled.
“But I don’t get tired of hearing it.” I said
“I love you Liz,” he said.
“I love you too Max,” I replied, closing my eyes as he tenderly kissed me.
At that moment I couldn’t dream of being any place else with anyone else. His kiss turned more passionate and any misgivings I had about my life quickly evaporated from my mind.
Two Weeks Later
It was almost 12 noon and Max and the guys had gone sailing. It was something they had picked up living here in San Fran. Maria had gotten up early and gone to breakfast with Isabel. I sat on the pull out couch and stared at the box in my hands. Rhona watched me from her spot by the window. I opened the box and stared inside. Staring back at me was my own face. I picked up the picture and thought about when it had been taken.
“Lizzie, smile for the camera,” my dad coaxed.
I looked up at him and then back at the dress I had on. It was covered with little cakes. My mom had made it and I hated it. But to make her happy I had gladly put it on. I swayed back and forth and finally looked at my father and smiled. *Click*
And so it there it was a moment frozen in time. I put the picture back and picked up another, this time it was in 3rd grade and I was holding a ribbon. I had won a science award. I began to hurriedly go through the box, picking up picture after picture, and remembering how simple my life had been back then. My mom had put these pictures away, hoping to create a scrapbook. I had found the box before we left and taken it. It was my way to hold onto my family and the person I use to be. I closed my eyes and could not help as a tear slowly made it was from my eyes. Before I could think anymore about it, the apartment door was opening and I could hear Maria chattering excitedly about something.
“There you are,” Maria said happily. “It’s official…I am a star,” she squealed.
I wiped my eyes and quickly put the cover back on the box, smiling at Maria.
“I take it the review was fantastic?” I said getting up from the couch.
Isabel gave me a funny look and raised an eyebrow. I ignored her and reached for the paper she was holding.
“This stellar performance proves that Hollywood isn’t the only place with stars,” Maria said with a bow.
“If we thought she had a big head before…just wait,” Isabel said with a laugh.
I scanned the article and smiled at Maria. She was glowing and looked truly happy. This was better than NY, because she was doing it on her own terms. She twirled around the living room, picking up Rhona and singing to her. The cat struggled to get out of her arms and finally did, landing on her feet with a soft thump. She hurried away from Maria, giving her a nasty look before taking off down the hall.
“Some people just don’t appreciate a good thing,” Maria said with a shrug.
She plopped herself down on the couch and glanced at the box. I gulped, not wanting to share any of the pictures with her, even though she had been a large part of that life before the aliens. I prayed she wouldn’t pick it up or look in it or even ask me about it.
“I say tonight we celebrate, BIG,” Isabel said her heels clicking on the hardwood floor as she walked to the kitchen.
“BIG?” Maria said, sitting up straight, her eyes wide.
“Uh-oh, Iz, you are about to have a monster on your hands,” I said laughing.
“Nothing I can’t handle.” She replied.
“How BIG, do you think she means?” Maria asked, forgetting all about my little box and getting up to follow Isabel to the kitchen.
I grabbed my box and quickly put it in the closet and joined the other two in the kitchen. Isabel was flipping through the phone book and put her finger on an ad and quickly picked up the phone. Maria peered over her shoulder, looking to see who or what Isabel was calling.
“Oh, that is big,” Maria, said.
“Yes, I need reservations for this evening. This is Lindsay Becker’s calling from Sony Music, we have a meeting with a possible up and coming star and would love to have the meeting at your restaurant…Yes, actually I believe there was a write up of this performer in today’s paper…I agree it is an excellent review…great…8:30 is perfect…no thank you.” And with that she hung up the phone, a huge grin on her face.
“You are unbelievable Isabel,” I said, shaking my head in amazement.
“Why thank you.”
“Are we really eating at Solstice tonight?” Maria asked, her eyes brimming with tears of happiness.
“We are, but you will be going as Sony’s next big star,” Isabel said, shutting the phone book and smiling.
“Do you think they will be upset when no one from Sony show’s up?” Maria asked.
“Who says no one from Sony will be there?” Isabel said, her eyes getting a mischievous air about them.
“What exactly did you have in mind?” I asked sure that whatever Isabel had planned, Max would hate.
“Just a little bird flitting to and fro,” Isabel said. “You know, put in a call to Sony and then to the newspaper, and the next thing you know…we have a big night!” she continued.
“Oh Isabel…this might be too much. It was only one small review,” Maria said quickly.
“But it was a great one…one that could get you what you deserve Maria,” Isabel said, looking to me for backup.
“She’s thinking about Max,” I said quietly.
“What has Max got to do….” She started and then the realization hit her. Max would hate the attention. He never said it, but having Maria sing night after night small venue or not was not something he would have chosen for her.
“I know he hates that I sing.” she said simply.
“Has he said something? I can’t believe him,” Isabel began, her voice loud and angry.
“He doesn’t have to say it, Isabel. You see know how Max is. He really has tried to let us all be normal, but I think if he could…he would lock us all somewhere to never see the light of day,” I said.
“But we’ve been here so long and everything has been fine. Has he told you anything?” she asked, raising her eyes in suspicion.
“No nothing. I’m surprised we’ve been here so long. But I kind of like it. I figure if I don’t ask, I won’t be the one to rock the boat.”
“Oh great, leave that for me.” Maria said, just on the edge of hysterics.
I put an arm around Maria.
“We would never let that happen, ‘Ria. Look, I’ll keep Max under control. We are going to make a big deal about this. Tonight is going to be your night and no one is going to stop that.” I said grinning and looking to Isabel.
“Liz is right, Maria. No one deserves this more than you. I’ll back you up with Max, if you need me too.” Isabel said.
“No worries.” I said with a shrug. “So, if tonight is a big night, then we need big clothes, don’t we?”
“Oh shit, I have nothing to wear!!” Maria squealed, running to her bedroom.
Isabel and I stared after her laughing as she began to ransack her closet.
“Are you sure you’re ok handling Max?” Isabel said, looking at me suspiciously.
“Of course I am. But I know who to come to if I need backup.”
“You know Liz, I’m glad you’re with Max. I know I was really rough on your relationship at first. But when I think about how things could have ended up or where we could have ended up…I’m glad Max healed you that day. I never believed things happened for a reason, and then I see how happy Max and you are and how happy Michael and Maria are and I know that love is reason enough.”
“Thanks Isabel.” I said, embarrassed by her emotional outburst. Isabel had become more like a sister in the last few years, but sometimes it just seemed so out of character for her.
“The only person that could make any of this better…is Alex,” she said, her eyes taking on a sad far away look.
I watched as she went to someplace where Alex was there with her. It was the same place I found myself looking for him and talking when he appeared. It was a place where none of this alien madness how found its way. It was a place I found myself drifting to more and more lately.
“Some days I just really miss him, ya know?” she said, smiling sadly.
“I know. He would be so happy for Maria. I could see him working with her to put a song together, with him as her guitar man.”
She nodded and we just stared at each other for a few seconds, before I finally pushed myself from the counter and to the bedroom to help Maria with her clothing challenge.
Max and the others got back at little after 3, tanned, tipsy and talkative. I hoped the mood he seemed to be in would carry over when we broke the news about dinner and Maria’s review. Our bedroom had a small balcony that looked over the courtyard and this is where he found me.
“Hey babe,” he said, standing with his arms crossed staring down at my journal and me. I carefully slid the page marker into the center of the page and shut the book, smiling up at him.
“Hey stranger,” I said smiling. “Looks like you got some sun today.”
“You should have come, it was great today. There was just enough wind and waves out there. The fish were jumping too. Kyle caught a whopper.”
“Did he throw it back?”
“Of course. He was tempted to bring it home for dinner…or at least for a second it looked that way. But Buddha saw to it that a picture was enough and back into the ocean it went.”
I laughed and shook my head. Kyle was always trying to get us to see things as Buddha saw them, but somehow it never clicked for any of us like it had clicked for him.
“Well, we have our own good news,” I said, stepping past him into the bedroom.
“Really? What’s going on?” he asked, going to his dresser and pulling out boxers.
“Remember how we were all commenting about Maria’s performance last night?”
“Yeah, she sounded really good last night. Why?”
“Apparently the music critic from the paper did too. She has an awesome review in today’s paper.” I said.
“A review? Like with her name and background?” Max asked quickly, his eyes growing small.
“Well, we both know that Maria uses a stage name Max, so there really is no background. This is a really nice thing to happen to her.”
“I’m not saying it isn’t, Liz. But we really don’t need her to be out there exposing herself.”
“Right, because one review in one paper is putting us all at risk. Come on Max, we deserve to live normal lives and for Maria, her music is normal. Maria has wanted to be a singer for as long as I can remember. Don’t spoil this for her.”
“I’m not trying to spoil anything for her Liz. I’m trying to keep everyone safe.”
“Max, we are 21 years old. I think we all know the drill. If for one moment Maria though her singing were putting any of us at risk, she would stop. I don’t want to get into a fight over this…it’s going to be a nice evening.”
I stared at him defiantly and waited for him to either go ballistic or to give in. I didn’t have to wait long as his shoulders slumped from their defensive stature.
“I trust you Liz,” he said, shortening the distance between us. “I couldn’t bear if anything ever happened to you, to any of you.”
He reached out and fingered my hair for a second and it was like I was 16 again. I could feel the electricity between us. I could feel his love for me and for a moment I wanted to scream. I felt like I was about to choke and couldn’t even explain why. I looked away from him, hoping to break the spell, to feel my body return to normal.
“I know Max, we all know. But nothing is going to happen we don’t want to happen. Not tonight, not ever.”
“You don’t know that, Liz. None of us do.”
And at that moment I wanted to tell him the truth; the truth that had been coming to me for the last 6 months. Every night I dreamed the same dream, a dream where we all lived and were normal and happy. Normal…I remember a time when I had asked myself what was so great about normal. Now here I was dreaming about it on a daily basis. But the weird thing about my dream was that in it, we were all meeting for Christmas and I remember someone saying how I had stayed away to long. Not WE had stayed away, but ME. But before it went any further I woke up.
“You’re right Max, which is why we have to live each day like it could be our last.”
“So what’s the plan for tonight?” he said, beaten.
“Dinner at Solstice with a little bit of paparazzi and glamour.” I said, my eyes opening wide for emphasis.
“Solstice? The seen and be seen place?”
“Yes that very one. Isabel made us reservations.”
And at that moment we knew Michael has heard the same news.
“I am not wearing a damn tie,” he exclaimed, slamming his bedroom door shut and storming into the bathroom.
“Michael you let me into this bathroom right now,” Maria came screaming after him, pounding on the door.
I began to laugh and fell back onto our bed. Max snorted and stared down at me. He smiled and his eyes got that look that I knew so well. Before I could say a word he was locking the door and pouncing on me with urgency.
Later that evening…
With a little alien voodoo, Maria was able to look like a true rock star. She had found something that gave her an edgy look, but at the same time pulled together. She never convinced Michael to wear a tie, so instead he to got into the rock ‘n roll look. It was a look we were use to, black tight tee with black jeans and boots. The rest of us downplayed our attire just so Maria stood out even more. She was beaming as we all made our way downstairs and to a limousine.
“Leave it to Isabel to pull something like this together at the last minute.” Max said shaking his head in amazement.
“She’s talented Max. Even though it seems shopping is her truest talent, Isabel can plan a party like one of the best. She could probably open a party planning business and do great at it.” I said, taking his hand in my own.
Max looked at his sister and began to see her in a different light. I think for the longest time Max never allowed himself to see Isabel as anything but a princess. Even during her Christmas Nazi antics. Even during her brief marriage to Jesse. But seeing how she had put this all together for Maria in a short amount of time, he was beginning to see her differently. He realized she was an adult. Even though we were all 21 or on the verge of 21, Max still wanted to be the father figure. He wanted us all to follow his lead and do as he did. We got close to no one, taking mediocre jobs at places we could leave at a moments notice. If you walked into any place we were working, you would have seen no one. If someone was asked to describe us, they would not be able to; as we all made sure we never stood out. The only person that did? Maria. But even though she did, she was careful about it. Her stage name was Dee Luca and she never gave any information about her background, telling those that asked it was a time she hoped to forget. And at times I wondered about it…did she think about how our lives use to be? Did she miss seeing her eccentric mother as much as I missed seeing my straight-laced ones?
“This is freaking unbelievable Isabel.” Maria cooed, hurrying into the limo and giggling as she slid down the leather seat.
“You know, if you keep up these good reviews, it might get to the point where this is the only way you travel.” Isabel replied.
“Yeah right,” Maria said, rolling her eyes.
“This is kind of alright.” Michael said sliding in beside Isabel. “I could definitely get use to this ride.”
“Down boy, down.” Maria laughed.
Kyle followed Michael in and Max and I brought up the rear. Everyone was chatting excitedly about the limo and I zoned out just watching as my family talked animatedly before me. No one took notice, but Max, who reached over and grabbed my hand.
“You ok?” he asked.
I nodded and smiled, afraid if I said a word, it might start the tears that threatened to fall. I quickly looked away from his deep amber eyes and instead laughed at something Maria was saying. Max gave my hand another squeeze but did not push me further.
Upon arriving at Solstice, Michael got out and helped Maria and Isabel out. Kyle, Max and I let the limo park around the corner and walked to the restaurant. When we reached the entrance Maria was laughing and signing a napkin for a patron that had been leaving. Isabel was off to one side talking to the maitre d. After a few minutes a gentleman in a suit came to talk to her and a few seconds after that we were all escorted to a table front and center. At the table were two others, who got up and gushed at “Dee.” They introduced themselves and we all sat. Michael brooded ever so perfectly and the rest of us were just happy to see Maria being recognized for what we already knew…she was a star in her own right.
The night could not have gone any better, as we all ate and laughed and ate some more. By the time dessert was served I swore I would bust. The Sony executives ate up “Dee’s” stories and “Dee” languished at the attention, acting like a true music diva. Even Isabel, who was usually the center of attention because of her gorgeous looks, was ignored. And it suited her just fine. The night belonged to Maria and we were all but happy to let her have it. And then the question came…
“So Dee why so secretive about you childhood? No one can find out a thing about you before 2 years ago. It’s almost like you didn’t exist before then.”
This put Max at attention and he slowly lowered his fork and focused on Maria. Maria played it off so well, never once looking at Max. Instead she just smiled and got a far away look in her eyes.
“Everyone is so interested in where I came from…would it matter what I said? Would it make me less of a singer if I came from an abusive home or was the product of a one night stand with a rock superstar?’ she challenged looking at each executive. They squirmed under her gaze, finally looking at their plates and each other. “My background is this, I was born 21 years ago to a mother and father. I’m an adult now with no interest in reliving my life before I was 20. I want to live for today, for the moment because we don’t know what tomorrow may bring.”
Everyone was silent and finally the woman of the group clapped ever so gently as to not attract even more attention to the table.
“That was fabulous Dee. You are absolutely right; your past is your business. As long as you have nothing in your past that would prevent you from forging on in your career I admire you for wanting to live for today.”
“Well, we appreciate your time Miss Luca, but for us old fogy’s it is way past our bedtime. We would love to have you come to the offices in NY and sing for Mr. Mottola and talk about a contract.”
The look on Maria’s face was priceless. The look on Max’s face was expressionless. I reached under the table and squeezed his hand. He didn’t squeeze back.
“NY? Really?” Maria managed, her hands shaking in excitement.
“Yes, we are confident Mr. Mottola will like what he hears. Please call us to set up a time and we will have our company jet fly you from here to New York.”
Maria was speechless, Max got ready to interject his own thoughts and I leaned into him and hissed in his ear. He gave me a look and I gave him one of my own.
“Please enjoy the rest of your evening on us and we can’t wait to see you in NY.” said the other gentleman. All of us got up and we all shook hands, the Sony people planting kisses on Maria’s cheeks as they left.
“Someone pinch me.” Maria squealed.
“Congratulations Dee.” Kyle said with a smirk. “Dee Luca, your next pop princess.”
“Pop princess?” Isabel challenged. “Buddha boy open your eyes, Mari - Dee is so much more than a pop singer.”
“Thank you Isabel.”
Everyone chatted about how big the contract would be and what song Maria would sing for her meeting and how she knew better than to fall for the gimmicks they tried to sell her last time.
*******************************************
“I think I’m going to bust at the seams,” I said falling onto our bed with a groan.
Max said nothing as he stood in front of the dresser mirror unbuttoning his shirt. I could see how tense his shoulders were and knew what was coming.
“Maria can’t go to NY.” He said finally, his eyes dark as he turned to me.
I pushed myself up and looked at him.
“Max, you can’t be serious? This is Maria’s dream and it’s actually with a reputable company. Not like last time with Dominique whatever-her-last name was.” I reply.
“That is exact reason why she can’t go. Do you think Sony’s going to back down on finding out her past? They will have the resources to keep digging until they are satisfied.”
“They can’t find anything out about a person that does not exist. Dee Luca isn’t a real person. Like the exec said, they weren’t able to find anything before 2 years ago.”
“Liz, please don’t fight me on this. I need your support when I tell her she can’t go. It won’t be safe.”
“I’m sorry Max…I can’t support you. I think you’re wrong. I think having Maria away from us is an even safer move than having her here.”
I stared at him defiantly. Lately it seemed I was always seeing things differently than he did and I could feel how much it hurt him. But I didn’t care because deep inside I knew I was right.
Two days later Maria was on a private plane headed for New York. I watched in envy as she blew kisses at me and Michael. He had wanted to go with her but she had decided to go alone.
“Are you going to be ok?” Michael said hands shoved into his front jean pockets, eyebrow raised.
“Huh? Yeah. Of course. She’ll only be gone for 3 days.” I said a bit more gruffly than intended.
“You sure you aren’t jealous?” he said with a smirk and I looked at him quickly, blinking my eyes rapidly, too rapidly.
“Me? Jealous? What would give you that idea Guerin? You’ve heard me on karaoke nights…no one bothers asking for an encore.”
“Right.” He said with a shrug.
“What’s that suppose to mean?” I ask following him down the tarmac back to the gateway.
“All I said was right, Parker. You really need to loosen up.”
The way he said “loosen up” got my blood boiling. It seemed Michael was the only one able to really push my buttons. I said nothing as we walked back to the car. Michael was busy whistling a Metallica tune and ignored me as I slid into the hot car and rolled down the window. He did the same and started the engine, letting it rev several times before peeling out of the airport parking lot.
“I’m not jealous.” I finally blurted out.
“You said that already.” He replied, a small grin on his lips.
“Yeah, well, I just wanted to reiterate the fact.”
“It’s ok Parker. If you were jealous…it would be ok.” He said, looking at me, grin gone.
I stared back at him and could feel tears making their way to the corner of my eyes and I brushed them away with the back of my hand. I didn’t need Michael to see my crying, he’d never let me live it down. I turned away from him and instead looked out the window at the passing scenery.
*********************************************************
Michael never brought up the episode in the car and for that I was grateful. But I did notice him watching me closely when I thought no one was paying attention. I pretended I didn’t notice or didn’t care. I wasn’t going to admit I was jealous and that was the end of it.
“I sang a cappella and Tommy loved it. He said I had this sound to my voice that begged people to listen.” Maria gushed, her smile about to knock the sun out of the sky it was so big.
“So when do you go to NY permanently?” Isabel asked. “Because we know he had to sign you.”
I looked at Max and saw how he had jumped into defensive mode. His jaw tense, his eyes has gone from their usual amber to a dark brown.
“Oh, well, how about in a week?” Maria squealed.
Max shot up from his chair and stomped out of the room. Maria looked at me and then at Isabel. I quickly got up.
“He’s happy for you Maria, he really is.” I sputtered and ran after Max.
He was standing at our balcony, staring out into the courtyard.
“Max?”
“How could she just leave? Without even asking if it would be ok?” Max mumbled.
“Max, can’t you just be happy for her? This is a big deal for her.”
“Damn right this is a big deal. We are a team, our lives are not normal Liz. You know that.”
“But they could be normal Max; they could be everything we wanted and more.”
I stood beside him and reached for his hand. Here was the man I loved, slowly being broken down. He had played leader for so long he had forgotten what it was just to be a family and a friend.
“She isn’t doing this to hurt you Max. Maria deserves a chance to be truly happy. This may be the only chance she gets.”
“What about last time? She had a chance then...”he started.
“No Max, she really didn’t. We were in the thick of things we didn’t understand. There was no room for happiness. Not back then. But now there is. Please don’t ruin it for her or Michael.”
“I-she’s really going isn’t she?” Max whispered.
I nodded and squeezed his hand.
“It’s ok to be angry Max.” I whispered back. This brought back Michael’s words if you were jealous it would be ok
He pulled me into his arms, inhaling my scent and holding me like he would never let go.
The next day Max was out of the apartment when I woke up. I looked at the clock and realize if I didn’t get up now I would be late for my shift at work. I cursed myself and grabbed my robe only to find the bathroom occupied.
“Hurry up in there; I’m going to be late.” I said rapping on the door.
“Don’t get your panties in a twist, I’ll be right out.”
I walked back to my room and leaned against the door jamb, willing Michael to get out of the bathroom. I looked over my shoulder at the clock and mumbled another curse under my breath. The bathroom door slowly opened and out stepped Michael. He grinned at me and bowed mockingly.
“All yours, your Highness.”
“You could have woken me up.” I spit back, slamming the door before getting a response.
I could hear him mumbling something as he headed towards the kitchen. A few minutes later I could smell the fragrant aroma of coffee and my stomach rumbled. I quickly hopped in the shower enjoying the pressure of the water against my body. Last night had been emotionally draining. Max had really taken Maria’s leaving to heart and I could only hold him and sympathize. After he had finally fallen asleep, I had sat on the balcony staring at the sky, unable to sleep. Not wanting to sleep, until finally I forced myself to get into bed. And of course the dream had been there, waiting for me. But this time I noticed more than I had in the previous six months. The house wasn’t any of our parent’s houses. The tree was gigantic and decorated extravagantly. And the music…it was Maria singing Christmas carols. I was watching from the doorway, staring at my friends in wonderment. Kyle had his arm around Isabel. Michael was sitting in a big chair away from the group, but watching. And then I realized there was no Max. But before I could look for him Maria has spotted me.
“You’ve stayed away too long this time, girlfriend. Too long.” she says, nodding her head and smiling.
I say nothing as she comes to me and pulls me into the house. And before I can say another word, I am kicked out of the dream.
“Liz, we need to leave. Now!.” I hear and hurry to rinse my hair and get out the shower.
My uniform is hanging on the back of the bathroom door, where Isabel has placed it. I quickly change and hurry to the kitchen.
“For you,” Michael says handing me a thermos and a bagel. “Now let’s go before Tony has our asses.”
I can only nod and mumble “thank you” as we make our way to the van. Once in the van I look at him. He has a scowl on his face and can only think I have angered him.
“Sorry I overslept. Max was a bit of a mess last night.” I say, taking a careful sip from the thermos.
“Yeah, well I think he has a shitty way of reacting to some pretty decent news.”
“Don’t worry he’ll apologize to Maria.” I say.
“Damn straight he will. Maria deserves this.”
“I know. He’s just…has forgotten what it’s like to be a friend and not a leader.”
Michael looks at me and I feel the hair on my arms stand on end. His eyes are small and I feel myself shift in my seat to be farther away from him.
“He only forgets when it has to do with someone else. I wonder if he even realizes how sad YOU are.” Michael says, knuckles on his hands white.
“Wha-what are you talking about? If this is about what happened at the airport-“
“It’s about that and more Liz. You can be a rock for Max. But whose your rock? You don’t think I notice you always drifting away, daydreaming? You’re happy for Maria but at the same time…you want what she has.”
“I want what she has? And what exactly would that be Michael? Correct me if I’m wrong, but are we not all in this running gig together?”
“Yeah, but now Maria has the chance to be free. Free to live her dream. And that hurts, doesn’t it?”
I look away from him and vow myself not to cry. But he’s touched a nerve and knows it. How is it Michael knows me so well when my own husband doesn’t? When I can’t even tell my husband about how his love for me has me feeling like I’m choking? I manage to keep the tears at bay and let out a small sigh.
“Can we finish this later?” I say as he pulls into a parking lot at the Dolce Vita Italiano Ristorante.
Tony is at the side door smoking a cigarette and shakes his head menacingly. Even though he looks angry, they know it’s just an act. Tony can only be described as a big teddy bear, rough around the edges but a teddy bear just the same.
“I’m tryin to run a business heah.” He manages between cigarette puffs in his thick NY accent.
“Sorry Tony.” Liz whispers and hurries into the restaurant to begin her lunch shift.
“And you? You sorry too?” he asks, looking at Michael.
“Eh, not so much.” Michael says with a grin.
Tony gives Michael a small grin and then his face turns back into a menace.
“I’m payin you to work, so get to it.” He says waving Michael into the restaurant.
Michael heads for the kitchen, carefully pulling out his hairnet. I am standing by the time clock and take his and my card to punch. As I slide my card in I look in his direction and lick my lips.
“You know, that net really matches your eyes.” I say, hoping to lighten the mood between us.
Michael rolls his eyes and nods.
“That was so funny…I forgot to laugh. Har-har.” He replies and gives me a wink.
And just like that the mood between us has dissipated. I can see Michael has relaxed and it in turn relaxes me. Part of me can’t help but be glad he has pushed me, but another part is terrified.
************************************
Before Maria can move to New York Max decides we must also move. He asks no one and instead breaks the news to us at dinner two days later.
“We can’t have people poking into Maria’s background and find us.” He says, his voice raised enough for the rest of us to know it is the final say.
“Where are we headed, Capitan?” Kyle asks.
“Washington, DC.” Max replies, looking at each one of us.
“DC? That’s really expensive Maxwell.” Michael says, rocking his chair on its back legs and crossing his arms against his chest.
“We’ll make do. It’s expensive here as well. Besides, we’ve been here too long.”
“Max, you don’t have to do this. I don’t have to mention you guys-“
“I know you don’t. And even if you do, it will be better if they believe we are in California, when we aren’t.”
Isabel has said nothing and I notice Kyle put his hand on hers and nod ever so gently.
“Max, why wouldn’t you consult any of us?” I say, letting the group know that not even I had a say in the matter.
“It’s how we’re doing things now, isn’t it? Going for it, screw any repercussions.”
“Wait a fucking minute Max-“Michael says, jumping up from his seat, vain on his neck throbbing. “Where do you get off saying something like that? This is Maria’s dream and you’re trying to shit all over it. Get over yourself already. This pity me bull has gone on long enough. Maria didn’t ask for this. She’s talented, we all recognize it. It’s about time someone else did. You aren’t going to make her or any of us feel bad about it.”
“Apologize Max.” Isabel finally says.
Max turns his head to look in her direction; his eyes open wide in disbelief.
“Apologize? For what? I’m not the one leaving.”
I look at Maria and see unshed tears in her eyes. She catches me staring and her resolve weakens. I quickly look away and instead focus on Isabel. Kyle now has his hand on her back, as if he were giving her strength.
“For what? Let’s start with the fact that you’re being an ass. Every single one of us never question’s a thing you say or decide. But enough is enough. Michael is right, your pity me act is old. Maria has done nothing wrong. She doesn’t have talent to spite you. God, how insensitive can you be?” Isabel finishes, getting up and running to her bedroom. Kyle runs after her and I can’t help but remember my dream.
“Anyone else want to take a jab?” Max says, looking at Maria and me.
Maria puts her chin up and shoulders back, staring directly into Max’s eyes.
“I’m going Max whether you like it or not.”
She gets up from the table and walks to the bedroom she shares with Michael, not bothering to slam the door. Michael stares at Max and then turns to go after Maria. There is a pure look of disgust on his face and I can only sigh and play with a crumb on the table.
“I’m right about this.” Max says trying to believe what he knows is wrong.
“You really think so?” I ask cocking my head to look in his direction.
I can see him want to break down, to take everything back. But the part of him that is proud, the part that is king wins the battle and he looks at me fiercely.
“Yes I do.”
“Max-“I start.
“I’m really tired of you not backing me lately.” He says before I can continue.
My thought gets stuck in my mind and I close my mouth and nod. He’s right of course, as his wife I should be on his side. I should be able to get everyone else to see his side. But lately I’ve really opened my eyes and seen that Max’s way isn’t the only way or always the right way. Instead of voicing this I only nod and he leaves me at the table, slamming the apartment door on his way out.
Michael appears at my side a few seconds later and I can’t even look at him. I know what I will see there and at the moment I don’t want to deal with it. He stands beside me for a few seconds and I will him to just walk away and finally he does. I get up from the table and clear the dishes everyone has left behind. Kyle comes to help and he smiles at me.
“You ok?” he asks.
“I am. It’s just Max.” I say with a laugh that is forced.
“Yeah, right” he says, grabbing the washcloth from my hands and going to the table.
“Is Isabel ok?”
“She’s fine.”
I nod and say no more as I fill the dishwasher. Kyle wipes the table and continues on to the counters. Finally he is done and throws the rag into the sink and looks at me.
“I’ll talk to Max. But we will end up moving.” I say.
“You know that’s not the issue Liz. We knew eventually we would move, but for him to take it out on Maria that way? To act as if our way of life only affects him? It’s just getting old. Don’t get me wrong; when Max is having a good day, it’s great. But when he gets into these moods…it’s unbearable. And I know you take the brunt of it for all of us.”
“I should try harder to make sure there are less of these moods of his.” I say.
Kyle runs a hand through his hair and shakes his head gently.
“Don’t you see Liz? You aren’t supposed to be a mediator between Max and the rest of us. Yes, you are his wife, but you are your own person as well and lately, well lately I’ve seen less and less of that person.”
First Michael, now Kyle. Apparently my acting skills were lacking so instead of talking about me I decided to avoid the statement and turn it around on him.
“You and Isabel a couple?” I ask, watching as his mouths opens and closes several times. It reminds me of a fish and I can’t help but let out a chuckle.
“No.” he finally says and turns away from me.
“I think it’s great.” I say. “You and her, I mean.”
I don’t know if he is mumbling a Buddhist mantra or cursing me under his breath, but after a few seconds he finally turns back around.
“I realize you want to avoid talking about you Liz, don’t think I didn’t catch the unsubtle change in subject. As far as Isabel and me, we are testing the waters.”
“I’m happy for you both Kyle. I think it will be good and work out.”
“With Max’s current mood-“
“I will leave that to you and Isabel to deal with.” I say with a shrug, flipping the light switch in the kitchen.
“Thanks.” He says, putting a hand on my shoulder.
“Your welcome.” I say and walk towards my bedroom.
Kyle stares after me and shakes his head, finally going back to Isabel’s room. I don’t know why I didn’t notice the change in their relationship sooner. I knew they had become close; living together for three years forced us to really depend on one another. More than we ever had in Roswell. But somehow in between the Max tantrums, the shitty jobs and sharing a bathroom they had managed to get close and reach a certain comfort level with each other. Kyle was a good guy. The last three years had really shown me what a great person and friend he would always be.
Sometime in the middle of the night Max returns and slips into bed. I expect him to reach over to me. But tonight he doesn’t. I feel him roll to his side and that suits me just fine. I stare at the ceiling, watching the shadows that appear as random cars drive by. I don’t know how many hours pass before I finally fall asleep, but when sleep does come, so does my dream.
It’s the same house and the same decorations. Michael off to a corner, watching. When Maria spots me I look past her to Michael, who has sat up at my arrival. I can see Maria’s mouth moving, but I’m mesmerized by Michael. He’s smiling and my heart begins to beat faster. I look at Maria and she is laughing, tugging me into the house. I nod and see Kyle mouth ‘welcome’. The music, the lights, the decorations, everything is perfect. I know only one person that achieves that much Christmas perfection and look at Isabel. She turns to me and the only thing I can do is gasp. She is pregnant and Kyle is smiling now, a slight blush creeping up his neck. I smile and look around again, looking for Max. But he is no where to be found. And just as I get ready to ask…the alarm clock begins its buzz.
I sit up in bed, rubbing my eyes hastily and reaching for the offensive noise. After it stops I reach for my journal and begin to write everything I can remember about the dream. The colors, the sounds, the faces. I wonder what it all means. Could I actually be seeing the future? And where is Max if I am? Why has he been missing for each and every one of my dreams? I sigh and shut the journal, and fall back against my pillow. Max is still snoring beside me and I carefully get out of bed, heading for the bathroom. Michael and Maria’s door is ajar and I can hear them whispering.
“Look, I don’t need him to be happy for me. But I really hate the way he treats Liz.” Maria says.
“I do too. But she lets him get away with it. What can I do?”
“He’s your brother. Talk to him.”
“You know that never goes well, Maria. He’s too stubborn.”
“Right and so are you. Do it for Liz, Michael. Lately she’s been so…distant.”
Michael only grunts in response and I hear the creaking of springs and feet on the floor which is my cue to move. I quickly shut the bathroom door and stare at myself in the mirror. Had I become distant from my friends? The girl staring back at me only nods. She is tired and haggard looking. I put a smile on my face and see how forced it looks. My hair long and a very long way from the shiny tresses Max adored running his fingers in. God, what the hell is happening to me? Before I know it tears are streaming down my face and I crumple to the floor.
I don’t know how much time passes, but I sit on the floor a long time before Michael swings the door open and finds me. He says nothing as he stares at me. I look up at him and his eyes soften slightly. He takes a step toward me and then back.
“I’ll get Maria.” He whispers.
I reach out to him and shake my head no. I don’t want to bring Maria down or make her feel bad for leaving me, us. I make a motion to get up and he is by my side taking my hands and pulling me off the floor. I smile gratefully at him and he gives me a sad look. His eyes, I’ve never noticed how dark they can get and how they can see into your soul.
“Did something happen? With you and Max?” he finally asks.
“No. I’m just feeling sorry for myself. I’ll be ok. You can have the bathroom.” I say trying to make my way past him. Instead he holds me in place.
“Liz, you can talk to me, you know.”
I do know this. I nod, trying very hard to put a smile on my face. To pretend I was not just sitting on the bathroom floor crying and pitying myself. He lets me go and just nods curtly, leaving me alone again. I am careful not to look at myself in the mirror and hurry to shower and dress.
Fall 2005 (August ?)
Maria’s been gone for just over a year and we’ve since moved from San Francisco to Washington, DC and finally have settled in Boston. Maria has spent the better part of the year in the recording studio. I hardly talk to her because the happiness in her voice is enough to make me scream. I am finally ready to admit I am jealous. She is living her dream and I am in the city where mine was supposed to happen. I look out at the Charles River and see the Harvard crew team sliding across the river.
“You could apply and get in.” comes a voice from behind me.
“I don’t need a bodyguard Michael.” I say hastily, shutting the course catalog.
He shrugs and sits on the bench beside me. In the year since Maria’s been gone he and I have gotten even closer. He does the things Max would never do and not cause Max doesn’t want to…but because he doesn’t realize I need him to do them.
“I come bearing gifts.” He says, handing me a coffee.
“How did you know I’d be here?” I ask between sips.
“I don’t know. Something about the first morning light and the river seems like you.” He says with a smile.
I give him a smile of my own and look back out to the river. With the sun now brighter more people have come out to the park. A rollerblader whizzes by with a dog.
“Think Rhona would like a friend?” I say.
“I think Rhona would claw their eyes out.” He says with a chuckle.
This is how it’s been most mornings. Michael and I. Max too busy keeping track of “Dee Luca” and the FBI and anything else he deemed reasonable. We’ve drifted apart in the last year and he’s been too preoccupied to notice. And I’ve been too tired to care. So instead I’ve had Michael. And contrary to what I would have believed several years ago, I really enjoy Michael’s company. He keeps me on my toes about current events, about art, about life. I can be myself around him and he is ok with that.
“Yeah, she probably would.”
“You thinking of applying?” he says nodding to the course guide in my hands.
I sigh and run a hand through my hair, looking at Michael. He’s leaned back, hands intertwined holding his head.
“I wish I could. Max would hate it though. 4 years in one place…he’d never approve.”
“Who cares if he would approve. Harvard was your dream Liz. You deserve to fulfill it.”
“And leave you all? I chose this life, Michael.”
“This life? The one where we move at Max’s whim? The one where he ignores you for weeks at a time, unless it’s to pick your brain about strategy? Let me ask you something, when was the last time you two even had sex.”
“Michael!” I scream. “That’s none of your business.” I shake my head and roll my eyes.
“Oh please Liz. We all live together. The walls aren’t exactly sound proof. As a matter of fact Kyle and Isabel seem to get it on every night.”
“Michael Guerin, I so did not need to know that.”
He shrugs and picks his coffee up from the ground and takes a long sip. I cock my head and look at him.
“Are they really doing it that often?” I ask shyly.
Michael lets out a chuckle.
“Yep, that often. Do you think Max has even realized his sister is in a relationship?”
“He’s had his mind on the big picture Michael. You know that.”
“Oh that’s right…Dee Luca and her career, waiting for the day she slips and tells the world how her ex-boyfriend and his family are all aliens.”
“Ex? When? I didn’t know…”
“Yeah, we did it over the phone a few weeks after she left. I love her and I know she loves me. But we realized we are much better as friends. Besides, long distance relationships are for the birds.”
“I’m sorry Michael. You should have told me.”
“You have enough of your own problems.” He says with a shrug, aiming his empty cup at a nearby receptacle.
“I don’t have any problems.” I say with annoyance.
“Ok, if you want to live in the land of denial, that’s your choice.”
“Why do you do that?”
“Do what?” he asks, innocently.
“That…goad me and then act like you will just back-off? Fine, let’s list my problems one by one Dr. Guerin.”
“I don’t do this on purpose Liz.” He begins, his expression has softened. “The only outlet you have is that box and that’s not good.”
I freeze when he mentions the box. I didn’t think anyone knew about it. I should have known better than to think I could keep anything from Michael. He makes it his business to watch all of us. I take another sip from my coffee and look back out to the river. There are several more crew teams on the river now and I watch as the all row in sync.
“My box is personal.” I finally say.
“You can’t live life through pictures in a box.” He replies.
“You have some nerve looking through my things. I would think reading my journal would be enough, but now you have to rummage through my personal pictures as well? Afraid I might have a picture of you and Max labeled aliens or something?”
I say it and instantly regret it. Michael says nothing picking at a piece of paint that has chipped away from the bench.
“I didn’t rummage through your pictures Liz.” He finally says. “I’ve seen you when you think no one is watching or paying attention. You face becomes so alive, so full of emotion when you go through that box. If you want to live life in a box and forget about what’s going on around you…I can’t stop you. But as a friend I will try.”
I am ashamed and amazed at the same time. Here is a man that is taking notice of me and isn’t willing to let me just continue down my path of half a life. And part of me knows he is absolutely right, but the other half hates him for being right. Lately there has been a lot of that, a lot of Michael being right.
“I’m sorry.” I say, turning to look at him.
“It’s ok. What’s a little annoyance between friends?” he says with a chuckle.
“I shouldn’t take it out on you though. God, what has Max turned me into?”
“Have you tried talking to him?” Michael suggests.
I laugh crazily. Michael looks at me with a raised eyebrow until I get myself together and manage to stop laughing.
“Max only talks when it’s about our next move, about articles in the many newspapers he pours over, or Maria. He’s obsessed with her, ya know.”
“Does he really believe she would just give an interview and mention anything about us? He’s turned into a certifiable nut job.”
A nut job. That was exactly what Max had become. I wonder if he would notice if all of us moved out of the apartment and left him behind to rot? He barely acknowledges any of us. If we go out to eat, he will ask for take out. If we go to the movies, he goes to the library. He’s changed completely and I hate it. I look at the thin gold band on my hand and feel it burning my skin. Three years ago I was willing to do anything for Max…now I can’t stand to look at him. And I’m ready to admit it, finally.
“You know our marriage was never legal.” I state.
Michael takes a deep breath and runs a hand through his neck length hair.
“It wasn’t?’
“No, we forged those documents, remember? I was still 17 and my parents never agreed to a thing. They weren’t around to”
“Why are you telling me this?” he asks, sitting up.
“Remember when you asked if I was jealous of Maria?”
“Yeah…”
“Well, I am. I have been ever since she left. You want to know why I live in the box of pictures? Because it was the only time I felt like myself. And you know the only other time I feel that way?”
I can see the expression on his face change. It’s more guarded now and the hands he rested on his legs have clenched in anticipation.
“When?” he whispers.
“When I’m with you.” I whisper back, noticing for the first time that my heart is beating wildly and my hands have begun to sweat.
“I-we-what?” he manages, looking at me, his eyes catching mine.
“You are the only thing keeping me sane, Michael. I can be myself around you. You actually take a notice of the things I like and do. Fuck, Max never even noticed I changed my hair. He’s become this damn alien recluse. But with you, I feel alive. I feel like its ok to say what’s on my mind…mostly because you force me to, but I can still say it without wondering if it will throw you into a tantrum. You’re right Max and I haven’t had sex in - ”
“Why are you telling me this?” Michael interrupts loudly.
“I-I…because you are the only one I can tell.”
“Liz, what exactly are you saying?”
And the way he says it has my heart stop. What am I saying? I don’t even really know. But I do know I don’t love my husband and have been looking at his best friend and brother completely different. I have found myself fantasizing about what it would be to kiss him and have him kiss me in return. I stare at his hands when we talk and wonder what they would feel like against my skin. When he wakes up in the afternoons and stumbles out of his room in boxers I can’t help but think about what is hidden by the fabric. I look at him and realize he is waiting for a response.
“I…I don’t know.” I say lamely.
He expels a snort and falls back against the bench, looking up at the sky, through the trees that block it. He stays that way for a long time and I think about all the things I could be saying, should be saying, but instead stay frozen in place. Is he going to be mad? Should I apologize? What the hell is wrong with me? I’m sitting here having irrational thoughts about my husband’s brother. Not only my husband’s brother, but my best friends ex. Now I know there is something wrong with me, the Liz Parker from Roswell, NM would never have let this happen. Of course that Liz Parker no longer exist…only in the box.
“What do you want to do?” he finally says, looking at me and then away.
“Do?” I croak out.
He looks at me and I can see a small grin on his lips. He’s laughing at me. The bastard!
“You didn’t mean to say all that, did you?”
I shake my head and roll my eyes, leave it for Michael to gloat.
“No, I didn’t.”
“Anything else you want to say?”
“Not really. I think one outburst a day is enough for me.”
He shakes his head in agreement and I lean back against the bench, looking back out to the river. I see the Harvard team coming back down the river, their crimson jackets catching the sun.
“I’m glad I make you feel alive again Liz.” Michael says. “I still think you should talk to Max. Tell him how you feel. He has become this man that none of us knows…or even want to know. You can change that.”
“Me? I don’t think Max even realizes I’m his wife.” I spit out.
“If you were my wife I’d never forget about you.” He whispers.
The statement sends a shiver down my spine and I know if I look at my arms there will be goose bumps there. So instead I continue staring at the river.
“Thanks Michael.” I respond.
“I’m going to head back to the apartment, you coming?”
“I’m going to stay a while longer.”
“Ok, see you later, then?”
I nod and watch him as he walks away, hands deep in his jeans pocket.
second the story is amazing! I hope you keep writing it 
for writing this
off on the challenge stuff and award stuff. I didn't even realized you'd updated.
