"How Did I Get Here?" Complete (Ch 30) Rated T

[Angie]

Well I've caught up! I think you do a great job putting emotion into your characters, especially surrounding the rape and Izzie's statement. I liked how you have them all pulling together to help her through it. This makes me want to watch Grays again! Great job!

[alienmom]

I can tell by the amount of views that people are reading this, I think I'm going to have to get a whip out for them to leave FB

i'm sure that remark is directed at me!! LOL

anywhoos...am reading, not done yet. let me just say....WHOA!!! =D

[Velvet Skye]

Ok I'm a Roswell reader.

I've tried a few grey's fics and had to give up.

Can I say that you are AMAZING!!!!!

This fic is so well done and the characters ALL OF THEM are accurate. in the few I sampled before it was one or two but not ALL!!!

You seem to have a bit of hospital thrown in too, which is my criteria if I'm going to dive in, the hospital life is part of the show.

I'm a serious Grey's fan, don't miss a Thursday. TIVO every episode, and buy the dvd's when they come out. LOL

WOW, WOW, WOW.. and if this is your first fic... TRIPLE WOW!!! You have it. You have the ability to write, convey, and make the readers FEEL!!!

Thanks so much. i'll try to remember this is here, and to read more.

Velvet Skye/ Rhonda

[LW107]

Okay, first of all THANK YOU for the reviews! I have totally been MIA lately because I've been finishing up exams, and I was pleasantly surprised to come here and find such a great response...and and I was surprised to be feature story! I'm so flattered

And Rhonda...I loved your review, but now I suddenly feel so much pressure! Haha...okay...*Must not let Rhonda give up on Grey's fics, must not let Rhonda give up on Grey's fics* Hehe...I am totally with you on being a crazy Grey's fan! Season 3 is saved on my DVR, and two and one are safely in my DVD case. I'm in looooove....

ANGIE>>>What do you mean it makes you want to watch Greys again?!?! You don't watch it?! CRAZY WOMAN! Shame, shame... hehe :

Okay...enough rambling...


Ch. 9

Izzie and Mark drove up to the police station on State Street and Mark pulled into a parking space by the side entrance. They both remained in their seats, unmoving. Finally Mark broke the silence.

“Are you ready to go in?”

“No,” Izzie replied simply.

Mark nodded, understanding her need to prepare herself for the task ahead. They sat is silence for ten minutes before Izzie turned to Mark, saying softly, “I don’t think I can do this. Maybe we should just go.”

“Izzie, we can do whatever you want to do. This is your decision, and I’m not going to force you to do something that you’re not ready for,” he said. He took her hand in his, resting them on the console between them. “That being said, I know that you can do this. It’ll be hard, but you’ll gain closure by facing this head on. How are you going to feel if you go home right now and have to wonder for the rest of your life if the man who attacked you is in jail or if he is still walking the streets?”

Izzie closed her eyes, knowing that Mark was right. Of course she had to do this. She would never be able to move on with her life if she didn’t go into the police station.

She nodded her head, signifying that she agreed with Mark and that she was ready to go in, and they exited the car, walking toward the entrance. Before going through the doors, Izzie took Mark’s hand, squeezing it in an effort to gain strength from him. Mark smiled slightly when he felt her touch, glad that he was there to support her.

They went inside and Mark introduced them at the front desk, telling the secretary why they were there . She told them to wait in the chairs by the door and she picked up her phone, informing someone that they had arrived.

Within minutes a female police officer came through a set of double doors, walking toward Izzie and Mark. They stood up in acknowledgement and she said, “Hi Izzie, I’m Officer Jane Davis from the Sex Crimes Unit. I was at the hospital with you, but you might not remember me.”

“No, I remember,” Izzie said softly.

“Okay, well I’m in charge in charge of the investigation of your attack,” she said quietly, wanting to avoid any attention. “If you two will follow me into the back, I’ll explain to you what is about to happen.”

The three of them walked through the double doors that Officer Davis had previously emerged from, making their way through a maze of desks and filing cabinets. They reached a door at the back of the room and Officer Davis led them inside.

Except for two wooden chairs, the room was empty of furniture. This went unnoticed by Izzie, however, whose eyes were drawn to the large glass display that took up much of the wall in front of her. Mark noticed the instant distress in her eyes and he squeezed her hand, which he had been holding since they entered the station.

Officer Davis shut the door behind her, and Izzie and Mark turned to face her. She said, “A man matching the description of your attacker was picked up earlier this afternoon for an attempted drug deal. We’re going to bring in several similarly-appearing men who are going to stand both facing and in profile. If you see the man who attacked you, you need to make the identification. You don’t need to be nervous,” she assured her, seeing Izzie’s growing anxiety. “You’ll be viewing them from behind this one-way mirror. It is impossible for them to see you.”

“Okay,” Izzie whispered.

“Are you ready?” Officer Davis asked gently. Izzie nodded her head, and the officer picked up a phone on the wall, telling the person on the other end to begin the lineup.

Izzie watched as eight men were brought into the room behind the glass. Her breathing became erratic when she noticed that they all looked like the man who attacked her. Her vision blurred and she was unable to focus on the men before her. Suddenly her knees buckled, and she would have fallen to the ground if Mark hadn’t been standing behind her.

He grabbed her shoulders as she began to go down, supporting her weight as he led her to a chair. “Izzie,” he called, trying to get her attention once she was seated. She didn’t look at him, instead focusing on the wall behind him. Her breaths were now coming in short gasps and beads of sweat were breaking out on her forehead. Officer Davis left the room, saying she was going to go get Izzie some water. Ignoring her, Mark remained focused on Izzie. “Iz,” he said. “You need to calm down. Take deep breaths, okay? You are having a panic attack, and you need to breathe.”

Izzie looked at Mark with a terrified look of her face, silently begging him help. “Just breathe,” he repeated, demonstrating by taking deep breaths. She began mimicking his breathing, and slowly her own became more controlled. Officer Davis entered moments later and offered Izzie a glass of water. Izzie took it gratefully, but the violent trembling of her hands made it difficult for her to hold so Mark wrapped his own hands around hers, helping her steady the glass.

She continued to sit in the chair for a few moments, breathing slowly as Mark’s hand comfortingly circled her back. Finally she said, “I’m sorry, I don’t know why that happened, but I’m ready now.” She stood up and walked toward the window, staring at the men on the other side. Eventually Officer Davis turned to her with a questioning look.

“Well, do you see your attacker?”

[Velvet Skye]

First off. No Pressure.

Second, that part was great!!!

Poor Izzie, having a panic attack, you can only assume that the guy is there, but at this point we don't really know do we?


Mark is human. YEAH!!!! On Grey's no he is not. I like his human side in this. And that he chooses to help Isobel, interesting. he's got some kind of connection with the girl.

Thanks for another great part.

Rhonda

[LW107]

Ch. 10

After leaving the police station, Mark and Izzie drove around for awhile before going back to Meredith’s house. There was no need for words, so they said nothing. Mark simply drove, allowing time for Izzie to assemble her thoughts before going home. When they finally arrived at the house, Mark parked on the street curb because there was no room in the driveway.

“Wow, it looks like a party,” he joked.

“Yeah,” she agreed quietly, wondering what so many people were doing there. Changing the subject, she turned to face him. “Listen, Mark, I really
appreciate everything you did for me today. I don’t know if I could have survived the police station if you hadn’t been there with me.”

“I was happy to do it,” Mark said genuinely. Although he had hated to see Izzie in pain, he had sincerely enjoyed spending time with her. She wasn’t her usual self, but he had gotten glimpses of her remarkable personality earlier in the day during their lunch, and he was reminded of the amazing woman that he had steadily been developing feelings for since moving to Seattle.

“Well, thank you anyway,” Izzie said gratefully, smiling at him. Mark returned her smile, and together they climbed out of the car and walked toward the front door of the house.

When they walked in, they found “the party” sitting around the living room. Addison was sitting between Alex and Bailey on the couch, Meredith was sitting on the chair with Derek, who was perched on the arm of the chair, and Callie, George and Cristina were sitting of the loveseat. They all stopped talking and looked up when Mark and Izzie came through the door.

“Hey,” Meredith said with a smile. “You’re finally back. I was surprised when you guys weren’t here when we got home,” she told them. “I hope you haven’t eaten yet. Callie is making us dinner.”

“It’s not a big deal,” Callie said modestly. “George and I just thought we would bring some groceries over and, well, since everyone was here, I thought I would make some food. It should actually be ready any minute.”

“Sounds great,” Mark said enthusiastically.

“So where were you?” Alex questioned pryingly, still suspicious of Mark’s intentions with Izzie.

“Um…well…we had to go down to the police station,” Izzie explained, and everyone immediately grew serious. They all had curious concerned looks on their faces, so she continued. “Officer Davis called me this afternoon and asked me to go down there because they had arrested a man who matched the description of my….my attacker.”

“Oh my God,” Addison said, conveying the surprise of everyone in the room.

“Well, was it him?” George questioned anxiously.

Izzie closed her eyes, briefly thinking about her time at the police station. “That’s him,” she told Officer Davis confidently, immediately recognizing her rapist. “Number four is the man who raped me. I am absolutely sure of it.” She stared at him, transfixed by his face. Suddenly he looked toward her, as if he could see through the one way mirror. She felt like he was looking right at her, and she could hear his words from that night echoing in her mind: “Try anything like that again, and I’ll cut your heart out,” he had promised. The memory had made her shiver.

Standing in the living room, she shivered again as she thought about it. She opened her eyes when she heard George repeat his question. Looking at him, she said quietly, “Yeah, it was him.”

Everyone in the room began talking at once, expressing their excitement that this was finally over. Izzie remained quiet, watching until their excitement died down. It was Meredith that eventually addressed her, saying, “Izzie, you don’t seem excited about this. Aren’t you happy?”

Izzie immediately plastered a small smile on her face. “No, no I am,” she quickly replied. “I’m happy.” Meredith gave her a skeptical look, clearly not accepting Izzie’s false assurances. Izzie sighed, continuing her explanation, “I really am happy that they caught him. Seriously, I am. Eventually, though, there might be a trial. Officer Davis told me that I'd have to testify if there was and I just…I guess I can’t feel like this is over until I know that he’s in prison for good, you know?”

They all nodded, silently reprimanding themselves for their foolishness in thinking that this could all be resolved so quickly. Obviously it would be a long time before Izzie could completely get over what happened to her.
They were all startled from their thoughts when a timer went off in the kitchen. “Dinner’s ready if anyone is hungry,” Callie said, standing.

Everyone nodded, hungered by the incredible aroma of lasagna and garlic bread coming from the kitchen. Callie and George went in there to retrieve the dinner from the oven and Meredith and Derek went into the dining room to set the table.

Within minutes, everyone was seated in the dining room, helping themselves to the lasagna, garlic bread, and salad. “Callie, this is delicious,” Bailey told her between bites.

“Seriously,” Cristina replied. Patting George’s stomach, she said, “I think Bambi is going to put on a few pounds being married to you, Martha Stewart.”

Callie smiled proudly, pleased that everyone was enjoying their meal. “Well I am glad you all like it,” she said. Then, making small talk she asked, “So, who is speaking at that conference tomorrow?”

Everyone looked sharply at her, clearly scolding her for her loose tongue. Izzie noticed their looks and asked, “What conference?” No one answered her immediately, so she repeated more forcefully, “What conference?”

It was Bailey who finally looked at her, replying gently, “The Chief thought that it would be best to hold a conference informing people about your attack. He’s not going to actually give your name at the conference, but for the most part, people know that it’s you who was assaulted. Word has gotten around the hospital, and he decided that it would be better to give people some general facts instead of letting them spread false rumors.”

She paused, letting the information sink in with Izzie before finishing. “There will also be a rape counselor there to answer any questions and to provide the employees with some common safety tips.”

Izzie stared at her plate, pushing her mostly uneaten food around with her fork. Although she had heard Dr. Bailey’s explanation, she made no response, instead appearing almost detached from what was said.

“Izzie?” Alex called, testing to see if she was still listening.

“I heard her,” Izzie verified roughly.

No one said anything for several moments. Finally, Callie tried to break the silence, saying, “Well I think that it’ll be very helpful. I know I have never been properly informed about safety, and I think that it…”

“Can we just stop talking about this?” Izzie shouted, slamming her fork down. “I’m tired of talking about this all the time! Can we just, for one minute, talk about something else?”

Everyone looked down at their plates uncomfortably, unsure of what to say.

It was Cristina who finally broke the silence, changing the subject by announcing, “Burke and I set a date for the wedding.”

Everyone remained quiet, not wanting to be the first one to speak. It was Izzie who reacted, smiling at the news and grateful for the change in conversation topic. She said, “That is great, Cristina. When’s it going to be?”

The rest of the table relaxed at the change in Izzie’s mood, surprised at the rapid variation of her emotions. The remainder of the dinner went more smoothly, and everyone was obviously careful to avoid the topic of Izzie’s assault.

Soon afterward, Cristina went home, saying that she needed to get home to Burke. Callie and George left, as well, after the others assured them that they had done plenty, and that there was no need for them to stay for the clean up.

“Izzie, would it be okay if Miranda and I talk with you in the living room for a while?” Addison asked her.

Izzie nodded, and the three women stood up and walked into the other room.

Derek, Meredith, Alex and Mark simply stared at one another for a moment. “I wonder what that’s about,” Mark said.

“I don’t know,” Meredith answered, equally as curious.
The four of them cleared the tabled, taking the dishes into the kitchen. While they were cleaning up, Alex asked Mark, “So how did Izzie seem today?”

“It was up and down,” Mark told her. “She’d be angry one minute, and then happy the next, and then suddenly she would be upset. And then sometimes it was like she just shut down completely. Different things would trigger her, changing her mood without warning. I kind of get the impression that she doesn’t even know how she is feeling half the time. Oh, and she had a panic attack when we were at the police station,” he said, telling them about the incident.

Meredith nodded after hearing Mark’s description of their day. “I was reading these pamphlets that the rape crises counselor gave me at the hospital. They talked about Rape Trauma Syndrome, which most victims have after an attack. It sounds exactly like that. They have rapid changes in their emotions, panic attacks, and flashbacks.” She walked over to her tote bag, taking out the pamphlets and reading it out loud, “Victims may openly display their emotions. They might be agitated and restless, talk a lot, cry, swear, shout, and laugh. Contrastingly, they may contain their emotions so that most of the survivor's energy is directed toward maintaining composure. If this is the case, they may sit calmly, respond to questions in a detached, logical way, and downplay their fear, sadness, anger, and anxiety. No matter how they deal with their emotions, however, most survivors feel angry, afraid, humiliated, dirty, sad, confused, vengeful, and degraded.”

They all remained silent for a few moments, hating that their friend was going through this. It seemed surreal to them that the hypothetical survivor in that pamphlet now described Izzie.

“I think that someone needs to recommend therapy to her,” Derek said quietly.

Meredith nodded, adding, “Or maybe even a support group.”

They finished cleaning up the kitchen in silence, each lost in their own thoughts about how they would recommend therapy to their fragile friend.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“So, what do you want to talk to me about?” Izzie asked frankly as the three women sat in the living room.

“Well, we wanted to see how you were doing,” Addison said gently.
Izzie looked at them, appreciative of the support of her mentors. She had always felt close to Dr. Bailey, especially since coming back to work after her post-Denny hiatus.

With Addison, it was different. She hadn’t felt particularly close with her before now, particularly since the quintuplet incident, but that had changed since her attack. She would be eternally grateful that Addison was there to help her through that day, and Izzie felt like there was a newfound connection between them.

Despite this, she felt emotionally drained and was wary of another expressive conversation. “I’m fine,” she said simply.

Bailey sighed, expecting this response. After all, “I’m fine” had been the Izzie Stevens motto after Denny Duquette had died.

"Well, I doubt very much that you are fine,” Bailey said, calling her out on her fib. “But we understand if you are reluctant to talk with us about it.”
Izzie nodded appreciatively.

Then Addison said kindly, “I know that you may need more time to recover, but have you thought about when you'll be coming back to work?”

Izzie looked at them, confusion on her face. “Come back to work?” she said. “I can’t….I don’t think I can do that. I don’t think that I can work at Seattle Grace ever again.”

[Velvet Skye]

Uh-OH!!! There goes shutdown.

So why do you know so much about rape and its aftermath.

Poor izzie, shes sure been trhough it and now she is thinking of not returning to the hospital.

Well thanks for another part and I'm eagerly awaiting more.

Rhonda

[Velvet Skye]

If yu don't come back soon, i will be foreced to find this at the other site. LOL

I'm back on over there, so i can you know?

But i'd rather not. I'd rather read it here.

please return soon?

Rhonda

[LW107]

Ch 11

Miranda and Addison looked at one another briefly before turning back to Izzie. Neither one were surprised by Izzie’s reaction. They knew that it was too soon to question Izzie about her return, but the Chief had requested that they do so anyway. The opening of the clinic had left the employees spread thin as it was, and the Chief was considering finding a temporary replacement to take Izzie’s shifts for the foreseeable future if the intern was not ready to return to work soon.

“Izzie….” Miranda began.

“No, I don’t think you understand,” Izzie interrupted. “It’s not that I don’t want to be a doctor anymore. I do….I love my job. But the past year had been…well, it’s been horrible for me,” she whispered as tears filled her eyes. She paused briefly to collect her emotions. Then she said, “With everything that happened with Denny, and now this…it’s like two of the worst things in my life are connected with Seattle Grace. When I do go back to work, I think I want to start somewhere fresh.”

Miranda and Addison both nodded sympathetically, understanding the reasoning behind what Izzie was saying. Then Addison said, “Izzie, I appreciate what you’re saying, I really do, but I think that you need more time before you make any definitive decisions. It’s only been two days since you were attacked. You need more time to heal, physically and emotionally, before you face any choices that will change your life the way switching hospitals would. You need to remember that you can’t outrun your past. No matter where you are, you’re going to have to deal with the memories of this past year. At least at Seattle Grace, you’ll have the support of all of your friends whenever you need it,” she concluded gripping Izzie’s hand kindly.

They all remained quiet for a moment, thinking about the words that were said. Finally Bailey stood up, and Addison did as well, assuming that she was ready to leave. Looking down at Izzie, Bailey said, “I agree with Addison that you need more time before making any decisions. I’m not going to tell the Chief that you’re thinking about leaving Seattle Grace.”

“Dr. Bailey,” Izzie said, annoyed at her superior’s pushy attitude, “It's my decision. I’m the one who…”

“No,” Bailey interrupted softly, “It is not your decision right now. All you need to worry about right now is getting better, so you do that and don’t worry about coming back to work. Seattle Grace is your home, Izzie, and it’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready to return.”

Izzie remained in her seat, watching as they crossed the living room and left through the front door. She smiled slightly as she thought about how lucky she was to have such compassionate mentors. At that moment, she couldn’t ask for better allies than Dr. Montgomery and Dr. Bailey.

She was joined a few minutes later by Mark, Meredith and Alex. Izzie could still hear the clatter of pans being put away, so she assumed that Derek had been assigned to the remainder of kitchen cleanup.

“Did Dr. Bailey and Dr. Montgomery leave?” Meredith asked her.

“Yeah, a few minutes ago,” Izzie confirmed. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, wincing at the soreness of her fractured rib. Her most recent dosage of pain medication, which she took throughout the day, had already worn off. “I think I am going to take a hot bath and go to bed. It has been a long day and I’m exhausted.”

The others nodded, saying goodnight as they watched her rise carefully and walk toward the staircase.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Derek and Meredith awoke to her screams at 1:38 a.m. the couple sat up quickly in bed, started by the cries that had interrupted their slumber. Alarmed at Izzie’s distress, they quickly jumped out of bed, running down the hall to Izzie’s door. Derek reached it first, and by the time he threw the door open, her screams had quieted. They found her sitting up in the middle of her bed, sobs racking her body as she gripped the covers tightly for comfort.

Derek and Meredith both sighed, their anxiety eased slightly after seeing that Izzie was safe, but hating the memories that were obviously plaguing her dreams.

Meredith put her hand on Derek’s shoulder, thanking him silently for his concern for Izzie but dismissing him nonetheless. He nodded understandingly, kissing her cheek before leaving the room, and closed the door securely behind him.

Meredith walked over to Izzie’s bed, sliding under the covers. She rubbed small circles on Izzie’s back and rested her head on Izzie’s shoulder. “This will get better, Iz. I know it might not seem that way, but it will.”

Izzie’s sobs eventually subsided and Meredith persuaded her to lie back down. “I can’t get him out of my head, Mer,” she whispered. “Every time I close my eyes I see his face.”

“I’m sorry,” Meredith whispered in return, not knowing what to say to comfort her friend. She continued to rub Izzie’s back until exhaustion stilled her movements and she fell asleep. Izzie listened to Meredith’s soft snores, comforted by her friend’s presence but unwilling to allow herself to close her eyes. She stared into the darkness for the rest of the night, unable to prevent her mind from replaying the attack over and over again in her mind.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Over the next few days, Izzie grew accustomed to awakening each morning to find a different friend waiting for her downstairs, eager to fulfill their babysitting duties. Her anger over their plan to keep watch over her had faded. She was actually appreciative of the company, and she felt comforted by having another presence in the house. It seemed like her flashbacks and panic attacks were growing more frequent, and they often occurred when she was alone or when something would trigger a memory of that night. Her friends were able to occupy her mind, though, and she felt safer by having someone else with her.

One week after her attack, she woke up and was surprised to find Meredith still asleep beside her. It had become routine for Meredith to sleep with Izzie, but normally she woke up early, slipping out of the bed quietly so she could go get ready for work.

Izzie remembered then that Meredith had told her the night before that today was her day off, and that she would be staying home. Izzie eased her self off the bed, careful not to disturb her, and went in the bathroom to take a shower.

After she was dressed, she went downstairs and found Meredith awake and in the kitchen. “Hey,” Meredith said. “I made some waffles for breakfast,” she told her, holding up two plates proudly. Izzie looked at her incredulously. “Okay, fine,” Meredith confessed. “Eggo made the waffles, but I toasted them so I should get some credit.”

Izzie took a plate from Meredith and look down at the pathetic pastries. “Meredith, you burnt them,” she said, poking the blackened waffles with a fork.

Meredith narrowed her eyes and said testily, “Well, I’m sorry. We can’t all be Betty freaking Crocker.”

Izzie laughed at her friend’s defensiveness and trashed the pancakes. Taking out several ingredients, she quickly whipped up a batch of homemade pancakes. Meredith filled her plate appreciatively and sat down at the kitchen table. Izzie joined her, but only consumed a couple of bites of her breakfast.

Meredith frowned at her. “Iz, you’ve got to eat more than that. You hardly eat at all anymore.”

Izzie sighed in frustration. “Can we not do this right now, Meredith? It’s too early to be harassed.”

“I’m just worried about you Izzie.”

“Well you don’t need to be. I’m fine!”

“You’re not fine,” Meredith argued, unaffected by Izzie’s growing irritation. “I wasn’t going to talk to you about this until later, but…”

“What?” Izzie questioned when Meredith paused.

“I called Grace, your rape counselor…”

“You did what?” Izzie interrupted, jumping up from the table with anger. Meredith stood up as well, so that they were eye to eye.

“I’m worried about you, Iz. We all are. You’re having these panic attacks and nightmares, and you’re not eating well or sleeping well, not to mention you hardly leave the house. I know it’s only been a week, but you’re never going to be able to move on with your life if you don’t deal with this. You need to talk to someone who understands what you are going through, and Grace does. Her job is to understand, and she told me that what you are going through is normal…”

“Meredith, you had no right to...”

“I had every right to call her Izzie, because I love you and I want you to get over this.”

Izzie stayed quiet, looking at the kitchen floor. Finally, she looked up and Meredith’s heart ached when she saw the tears in her eyes.

“Well, what’d she say?” Izzie questioned softly.

Meredith smiled slightly in relief. “She told me about a support group that she leads. She said there are normally about ten to fifteen women at every meeting, and that it’s really helpful to be able to talk with people who understand what you are going through. They meet every Friday night at eight o’clock, so you could go tonight if you wanted to.”

Meredith looked expectantly at Izzie, waiting for her to reply. She was expecting her to refuse, but she had to try nevertheless. Meredith could not sit back and watch Izzie’s life crumble the way it had when Denny had died. She would not let that happen again.

Finally Izzie spoke, interrupting Meredith’s thoughts. “Maybe you’re right. I guess it would be a good idea to give it a try.”



Ch. 12

After their talk in the kitchen, Izzie and Meredith spent the day watching s Lifetime movie marathon in the living room. As the hours passed, empty bowls of ice cream and popcorn piled on top of the coffee table, but neither one made a move to clean up the mess. All in all, it was a perfectly relaxing day and both women were relieved for the peacefulness.

Izzie was lying on the couch, her head resting on a pillow that was in Meredith’s lap. As their third movie of the day came to a bittersweet end, Meredith reached over to the coffee table, grabbing the box of tissues that Izzie was quickly going through. She passed them to her friend, and Izzie gratefully grabbed a Kleenex, wiping her tears and blowing her nose. “Oh, that was my favorite one so far,” she said.

Meredith laughed at Izzie’s emotion, humored at her friend’s weakness for Lifetime movies. She eased herself off the couch, readjusting Izzie’s pillow as she got up, and stretched. Grabbing the bowls off of the coffee table, she turned to Izzie. “You want to go with me to the market?” she asked. “Today is my only day off this week, and I really need to get some groceries.”

“No thanks,” Izzie replied, all ready tuning in to the next movie.

Meredith had expected Izzie to agree to the errand, and she was surprised at her refusal. Perhaps Izzie was too absorbed in the television to realize it, but if Meredith left her there alone, it would be the first time that Izzie had been by herself in the house since her attack. Unsure of how to proceed, Meredith tried again. “Are you sure, Iz? It won’t take long and…”

“No Mer. I really don’t feel like going anywhere right now.”

“Okay,” Meredith replied softly, dropping the dirty dishes in the kitchen and then going upstairs to change.

On her way out the door, she poked her head in the living room one more time. “Last chance,” she called.

“Goodbye Meredith,” Izzie answered irritably, not bothering to look up from the screen.

Half an hour later, Izzie stood up during a commercial break to get a bottle of water from the kitchen. While she was in there, she noticed the dryer in the adjoining laundry room had shut off. Finding the clothes still damp, she restarted the machine.

Glancing outside, she noted what a beautiful day it was. Unlatching the screen door, she stepped into the sunlight, enjoying the feel of the afternoon’s warmth. Remembering her movie, though, she hurried back in the house, leaving the screen door to slam behind her.

On her way back into the living room, Izzie was started by a knock at the door. She froze, half expecting Meredith to run down the stairs to answer it, but she knew that her roommate was still at the market. Izzie was all alone in the house.

‘Just ask who it is,’ the rational part of her brain urged her. She willed her feet to walk toward the door but she was unable to move from her spot. Another knock came from the door, this time louder. ‘Stop being crazy, Izzie,’ she told herself. ‘Just go answer the damn door.’

She stepped forward slowly, taking several moments to reach the entryway. As she placed her hand hesitantly on the knob, she realized that the knocking had ceased. She paused with her hand on the knob, calling out, “Who is it?” She waited, but there was no answer. “Hello, is someone there?” Her heart began to beat loudly inside of her chest. ‘It’s probably just solicitors,’ she told her self.

Taking a deep breath, she opened the door, looking at the empty porch. She squinted in confusion at the vacant front entrance, and then shut the door firmly behind her, turning the locks and securing the chain above the door.

At that moment, the back door flashed in her mind. She had forgotten to lock the screen door on the porch! She ran to the kitchen to do so, but screeched to a halt when she heard the familiar bang of it slamming shut. There was someone inside the house with her!

She felt frozen in place, and her heart began to beat even more wildly in her chest. Sweat began to form at her brow as images of her attacker popped into her head. ‘He’s in jail, Izzie,’ she reminded herself. ‘Just go upstairs and lock yourself in your room.’

She turned to do so, but screamed as she felt a firm hand on her shoulder. She scrambled to get away from the grip, flinging her arms out and connecting with the assailant’s chest. Scrambling away, she moved quickly toward the steps, tripping over the first stair and falling to her knees. A cry of panic escaped her lips and she struggled to get up.

“Izzie,” a male voice said from behind her, gripping her shoulders firmly from behind.

“No!” she screamed, flinging her arms once again.

“Iz, calm down! It’s just me…it’s Mark,” he said fervently.

All of her energy seemed to drain away from her suddenly and she collapsed on the stairs in relief. Her breathing was ragged and she was trembling as the remainder of adrenaline coursed through her body.

Mark joined her on the steps, sitting beside her. He moved to place a comforting hand on her shoulder, but thought better of it. It would probably be better to not touch her right now.

He looked down in confusion when he heard the laughter escape her lips. Looking at her incredulously, he asked, “Izzie, are you okay?”

This made her laugh harder. “Am I okay?” she repeated. “Do I look okay to you?” She laughed again, and then forced out, “I think I’m going crazy.” Her laughter continued, now sounding a bit hysterical.

Mark looked around, hoping to see another person in the house to come help him out. Where was everyone? Wasn’t Meredith supposed to be staying home with Izzie today? Seeing no one, he looked back down at her, and his heart throbbed when he saw the tears seeping from her eyelids. “Izzie…” he whispered.

Forgetting his rule to avoid contact, he pulled her off the stairs into his lap, relieved when she settled comfortably against him. As she laid her head on his shoulder and curled up against his chest, he felt the trembles racking her body. He held her until she relaxed, and as her quivering ceased, she finally looked up at him.

“I’m sorry,” she said softly.

Mark looked at her in confusion. “For what?” he questioned.

“For panicking on you like that. And for hitting you. But I….I didn’t know it was you…I thought…”

“Izzie it’s okay,” he assured her quietly. “If anyone should be sorry, it should be me. I shouldn’t have come in the house unannounced the way I did. When no one answered the front door, I assumed that nobody was home. I was just going to write you a note. I’m sorry that I scared you the way that I did.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, both content in their positions. Eventually Izzie asked him, “So what are you doing here?”

“Oh right,” Mark said, immediately remembering his purpose for coming to the house. “I actually came by to remove your stitches. I meant to come yesterday, but I got tied up at the hospital.”

“You can do that here?” Izzie asked, surprised.

“You can do anything you want when you are one of the most highly sought after plastic surgeons in America,” Mark joked, causing Izzie to laugh and roll her eyes. In a more serious tone, he said, “I thought I would save you from a trip to Seattle Grace.”

Izzie smiled at him appreciatively, no longer surprised by his thoughtfulness. In the past week, he had called everyday to check on her, and he had even stopped by the house twice since their afternoon together.

Mark stood up and stuck his hand out to help Izzie. He saw her wince as she rose, and he noticed the new wounds across her knees. He realized that the quickly forming welts were from the fall she had taken on the stairs, and he experienced a wave of guilt.

“I’ll clean up your knees before I take out your stitches. Let’s go in the kitchen. I left my medical bag in there.”

She followed him through the swinging door and sat down at the table where he retrieved the necessary items from his bag. Kneeling in front of her, he quickly cleaned off her knees and covered them with antibiotic ointment before placing large bandages over them.

“My knees haven’t looked like that since I fell off my bike when I was ten,” she said, shrugging off her green cardigan. This left her wearing only small tank top, which she slipped her left arm out of so that Mark could take her stitches out.

“I miss being that age,” Mark told her, trying to distract her from his task. “When I was younger, I used to go with the Shepherds to their summer house in Lake George, New York. Those were some of the best summers of my life. Derek and I used to play the most underhanded tricks on his sisters,” Mark revealed, laughing at the memories. “You know, I got my first kiss there when I was eleven. Derek’s sister, Kathleen was fourteen, and she took me behind the boat house after dinner one night. Man, I was so naïve. Don’t tell Derek about that. He already knows about me and one of his sisters. He probably wouldn’t be too pleased to learn about Katie and me.”

“Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me,” Izzie said laughing, amused at the image of the inexperienced Mark behind the boathouse.

Mark smiled, glad to see her laughing. “When was your first kiss?” he asked her, never pausing in his removal of her stitches.

“Oh gosh…well, I was like twelve I think. I grew up in this trailer park about three hours from Seattle, and Tyler Jacobson lived in a trailer two doors down. He was so terrible to me our whole lives, and I absolutely hated him. I mean, I really hated him. And then one summer I was reading a book on a bench in the park and he came over and sat beside me, like we were best friends or something. He started talking to me, and at some point, he leaned over and kissed me. It was quick and innocent. You know how it was before you get older and things get complicated… We actually dated a couple of after that. We were together for two years. He was my first true love,” she told him, smiling at the memory.

Mark smiled back and asked, “Why did you split up?”

The smile disappeared from Izzie’s face as fast as it had appeared. “Oh, well, it was complicated,” she told him vaguely, not wanting to discuss her unplanned pregnancy with Mark.

Mark didn’t press her, realizing she didn’t want to talk about it. “Okay, well that’s it,” he said, rising to his feet. Izzie looked down, and to her surprise she realized he was finished taking the stitches out.

“Wow, that was so quick,” she said, impressed with his work.

He grinned at her, pulling a small bottle from his bag. “Put this on there twice a day until it runs out,” he advised, telling her it would help her with scarring. He finished packing his bag, and Izzie realized that he was going to leave.

“Can you stay?” she asked suddenly. “Meredith should be home from the market soon, but I would rather not be in the house alone.”

“Oh, sure,” Mark said.

The two of them went into the living room where Izzie’s abandoned Lifetime movie was still playing. They sat on the couch and Mark picked up the remote from the coffee table, changing the channel to the Entertainment Network. Pleased to see an episode of Dr. 90210 was coming on, he settled back against the cushions. Izzie just laughed and rolled her eyes, making her self comfortable beside him.

During a commercial break, she turned to him. “I’m going to a Rape Crisis support group tonight,” she told him unexpectedly, feeling a sudden need to share that with him.

He looked at her for a moment with small smile on his lips. “That’s great, Iz. I think that’ll really help you,” he told her.

She nodded, looking back toward the television but not really seeing the images on the screen. She then told him, “I’m really nervous. I don’t know if I can talk about the attack with women I have never met before.”

“That’s understandable,” he assured her. “But I’m sure you’ll feel comfortable quickly. It will be really good for you to be able to talk with people who have already gone through what you’re going through now.” Izzie nodded again.

The commercial break ended on the screen, and the two resumed their interest in the breast reconstruction of a cancer survivor. Sitting in silence, Izzie noted how safe she felt in Mark’s presence, and she realized how glad she was that he had been willing to stay with her until Meredith came back.


Ch 13

Izzie sat in her car outside of the Seattle Rape Crises Center, staring at the clock on the dashboard. It was now 7:50, only ten minutes before the support group was scheduled to begin. If she got out of the car now, she wouldn’t be late, but Izzie had been already been sitting in the parking lot for ten minutes and she had yet to work up the courage to walk inside the building.

There was something about the idea of a support group that made Izzie feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. If she went through those doors, she would be accepting her identity as a victim, and she would let him influence her life that much more.

When the clock changed to 7:52, Izzie realized that she could not make herself go in there. ‘Next week,’ she promised herself, hating her own cowardliness.

As she turned the key in the ignition, her cell phone rang. She lifted her purse from the passenger seat and searched through the clutter, flipping open her phone when she found it.

“Hello?” she answered.

“Iz, hey, it’s Alex.”

“Hey Alex, what’s up?” she asked.

“Well, I’m actually at the house. I came over to see you, but Mer told me that you went to the support group tonight. I think that’s really great.”

“Oh, well actually…”

“I know you,” he interrupted, “and I know that it must have taken a lot for you to go there tonight, but you need this, Iz. I just wanted you to know how proud of you I am for recognizing that and for having the courage to go to the meeting.” Izzie closed her eyes, hating that his pride in her was so misplaced. If he only knew what a coward she really was. “Iz, you there?” he asked when she didn’t immediately answer.

“Yeah,” Izzie said softly. “Thanks, Alex. That really means a lot to me,” she said softly.

“Well, it’s true,” he said, suddenly sounding a little embarrassed over his sentiment. “I know you need to go, but I’ll probably still be here when you get home so I’ll see you later.”

“Okay,” she said before ending the call and placing the phone back in her purse. Sighing, she turned the key of her car, cutting off the ignition. Alex was right, she did need this. She opened her door and got out of the car, and then walked toward the entrance of the building.

A woman at the front desk greeted her and informed her that the meeting was being held in the first room down the hallway to her right. Izzie thanked her and headed in that direction.

She stopped outside the doorway, pausing with her hand on the doorknob. ‘Just go in, Izzie,’ she told herself. ‘You’re being stupid.’

“This is your first meeting, I assume,” said a woman from behind her, startling her from her thoughts.

Izzie jumped slightly at the voice and turned to see this new presence. A young woman stood behind her. Judging by her looks, she was probably no older than twenty. “Yes,” Izzie said, confirming her assumption.

The girl nodded. “Most people are a little nervous before their first meeting,” she told her. “I know I was. It’s worth it, though, if you give it a try. It becomes like a safe haven. Come on, we’ll go in together.”

Before Izzie could answer, the girl pushed open the door and guided Izzie through. As they crossed the threshold, the girl said, “I’m Charlotte, by the way.”

“I’m Izzie,” she answered with a grateful smile.

Inside the room, several women were just beginning to take their seats in a circle of folding chairs.

“There’s coffee and water on that table over there if you want something to drink,” Charlotte told her, pointing to a table along the wall.

“No, that’s okay,” Izzie responded.

As they walked toward the circle, another woman came up to them.

“Izzie, I am so glad that you came,” Grace told her, taking Izzie’s hands in her own.

“Yeah, well, Meredith told me that you suggested it to her on the phone, so…” She trailed off, her nerves inhibiting her conversation skills.

“Well, welcome to the group,” Grace said, motioning toward the circle. “You and Charlotte go find a couple of seats. We’re about to start.”

Izzie and Charlotte sat next to each other and Charlotte introduced her to a couple of the other women sitting around them. Izzie studied the women in the circle, suddenly feeling butterflies in her stomach. ‘You should have just stayed in the car,’ she told herself, wishing that she hadn’t come in.

Grace took her seat in the circle and smiled at the group. “Good evening, ladies,” she began, signifying the meeting had started. “I hope that everyone had a great week. I want to start tonight’s meeting by introducing a new member. This is Izzie,” she said, pointing to her. Everyone then went around the circle, introducing themselves to her.

“Okay then,” Grace said once the introductions had been made. “Does anyone have anything that they want to share or discuss?”

A red headed woman about the age of forty spoke up. Izzie remembered that she had introduced herself as Kate. “I still can’t let Michael touch me," she said, her voice quivering. “He’s trying to be so patient with me, but I can tell that he’s getting frustrated. I don’t know why I’m so afraid to let him in! I mean, we’ve been married for fifteen years! But every time he tries to be intimate, I just keep flashing to that night… And he doesn’t understand.”

Several women nodded, obviously empathizing with her problem. Grace leaned forward, looking at the woman, and said, “That is completely understandable, Kate.” Addressing the group, she said, “Sex is supposed to be pleasurable, and your attackers used it as a weapon to control and humiliate. It can sometimes take time for survivors to dissociate consensual sex and nonconsensual sex. Each of you has your own time table, and there is nothing shameful about needing space while you are healing. It can be stressful on relationships, though, and you need to talk with your partners about your concerns and your feelings.” Kate nodded her head, indicating her understanding of Grace’s advice. Grace turned expectantly toward the group to see if anyone else had other topics they wanted to discuss.

“I’ve become antisocial at school,” Charlotte spoke up. “I get so nervous when I’m around a large group, especially if there’s alcohol. I’m just so afraid that someone could slip something in my drink again, so I’ve just stopped going to parties altogether. I don’t even think my friends care, though. They’re all so angry at me for turning Jeffery into the police. I still can’t believe them! I mean, I understand that he was apart of our circle of friends, but I expected them to support me. He’s the one who did something wrong, not me!” she said forcefully, tears in her eyes.

“You’re absolutely right, Charlotte. He is the one who did something wrong…” Grace said, but Izzie no longer heard what she was saying. She was horrified for Charlotte and what she must be going through. Izzie was hurting, and she sometimes felt isolated from her friends, but at least she had friends, and great friends at that. Izzie couldn’t imagine how she would have gotten through the past week if they hadn’t been there for her.

Even worse, Charlotte had been raped by someone she trusted. Izzie knew that George and Alex would never hurt her, but thinking about that possibility, she hated the deep betrayal that Charlotte must be feeling.

Izzie heard a pause in Grace’s speech. Forgetting her nerves, she suddenly felt the compassion in her heart that she often felt with her patients. Turning to Charlotte, she said, “You’ve been hurt and I’m sure that you’ve been changed by that hurt. But in time, I believe that you’ll become a better person by dealing with your pain and growing from it. You’re brave, Charlotte, and you are meant to survive this,” she said vehemently in a hushed voice.

Several of the women looked at her in surprise. Izzie still had terrible bruising along her forehead, so it was obvious that her attack was recent. In light of the freshness of her assault, they especially appreciated her ability to find compassion for someone else when most people would have only been concerned with healing their own pain.

Charlotte took Izzie’s hand in her own and looked her in the eye. “You were meant to survive this too, Izzie,” she said softly.

And Izzie believed her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The meeting lasted until 9:00, and Izzie stayed a little while after to talk with some of the women in the group. She really liked everyone there, and she already felt comfortable in their presence.

During the session, she had shared with them the story of her attack. It had been a relief to talk about it. She knew that they understood what she was going through, and because of this, she did’t feel the same humiliation from their empathy that she sometimes felt when she got sympathetic stares from her friends.

Izzie knew that she would return the following week. Charlotte was right in her description of it as being a “safe haven.” If her nightmares and panic attacks didn’t improve, Izzie planned to bring them up at the next meeting. It was possible that some of the other women had experienced the same reactions that was currently was. Maybe someone could even give her advice about how to handle it.

Izzie got home about 9:45 and let herself in the front door. She found George, Meredith and Alex sitting in the living room in front of the television. She sat between George and Alex on the couch, taking the glass of wine from George’s hand and finishing off the glass.

“How was the meeting?” Meredith asked her.

“It was good,” Izzie said, nodding her head. “Really good. I’m glad you made me go.”

Meredith smiled at her, believing she saw a hint of the old Izzie sitting across from her. Meredith couldn’t place the source of it, but she swore that Izzie somehow seemed stronger and more confident than she had when she left the house almost three hours before.

On the couch, Izzie was thinking of Charlotte and her heartbreaking assault and she turned to her friends. “I love you guys,” she told them. “Really, I love you all so much. I couldn’t have gotten through this last week without you, and I wouldn’t be able to get through the next week, or the next, if I didn’t have your encouragement. You’ll never know how much your support has helped me,” she said softly, taking Alex’s hand and laying her head on George’s shoulder. “Thank you,” she whispered.

Meredith told her, “We love you, Iz. We would do anything for you,” she told her.

Izzie smiled at her in return, knowing the truth behind Meredith’s words.



Ch. 14

Izzie walked through the front door of the house, racing to the kitchen to answer the ringing telephone. She had just returned home from having lunch with Charlotte, an activity with that was happening increasingly. Since going to her first meeting with the support group three weeks before, Izzie and Charlotte had become close, taking solace in each others company and understanding. In the absence of a job, Izzie found that she had a lot of free time, and the two girls often met for meals or movies. Their interaction greatly relieved the isolation that they sometimes felt.

Izzie had also been spending a great deal of time with Mark Sloan, much to everyone’s surprise. He came to the house a lot to spend time with her, and he regularly took her to his favorite places in Seattle to get her out of the house. At first, Izzie thought he was just another friend checking up on her, but she had come to realize that Mark’s feelings for her probably went beyond friendship.

She certainly liked and trusted Mark, but she knew what kind of man he was. Manwhore. The harsh term had often been used to describe him at the hospital, and although Izzie knew from personal experience that there were so many other levels to Mark Sloan, she felt too vulnerable to enter into a relationship with a man who was so obviously attached to sex.

Running into the kitchen and picking up the cordless phone, Izzie answered it just before the answering machine picked up.

“Hello?”

“May I speak with Isobel Stevens, please?” a female voice requested.

“This is Izzie,” she replied.

“Hello Ms. Stevens, this is Caroline Robertson from the Seattle District Attorney’s Office. I was hoping that you could come to my office to meet with me at your convenience.”

“Oh,” Izzie said, surprised by the call. “This is about my attack?”

“Yes,” Caroline confirmed. “I’m afraid Jason Dole pled not guilty at his arraignment this morning, so there’s going to be a trial so there’s going to be a trial next month.”

Jason Dole. Izzie realized that she had never learned the name of her attacker until now. She had dehumanized him in her mind, picturing him as a monster rather than a person, but learning his name reminded her of his mortality.

“What do you need to talk to me about?” Izzie questioned quietly.

“Well, you’re going to have to testify in order to get a guilty verdict. I’d like to go over your statement with you, maybe ask you a couple of additional questions. I’ll try not to take up too much of your time.”

“Okay,” Izzie replied softly. In the past three weeks, she had blocked out the ache in her heart so that she could move on with her life, but it all came rushing back with the force of an eighteen-wheeler. The idea of a trial terrified her. She would have to face her attacker once again, and even worse, she would have to recount her assault in front of countless people. It was something she would have to do, though, if she wanted Jason Dole to go to prison. “I can come in this afternoon if you’d like.”

“Great,” Caroline responded. She gave Izzie directions and the two disconnected their call. Izzie left the house moments later, heading toward the D.A.’s office.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Derek was raiding the fridge when the doorbell rang. He had gotten home from work early because his patient had died at the beginning of his craniotomy, and Derek had found the house uncharacteristically empty. In the past month, there had constantly been people in and out of the house because everyone wanted to check on Izzie, but today he found himself alone.

When he heard the doorbell, he rolled his eyes, annoyed that his rare solitude had been interrupted. Sighing, he walked to the front of the house to answer the door.

“Hey Mark,” Derek greeted, not surprised to see his old friend in the threshold. Mark had become the most regular houseguest in the past few weeks. His protective nature of Izzie had come as a surprise to everyone, but Derek was now used to Mark’s presence in Meredith’s home.

“Hey Derek,” Mark replied, stepping in the foyer.

“No one’s here right now. Meredith’s at the hospital, and I just got home myself so I’m not sure where Izzie is.”

“Oh,” Mark said, not even trying to keep the disappointment from his voice. He furrowed his brow, trying to think where Izzie could have gone. Maybe she was still at her lunch with Charlotte, her friend from her support group.

“You want a beer?” Derek asked. “I was about to grab one. It’s been one of those days, you know?”

Mark paused, surprised by Derek’s offer. They had been getting along well in the past month, civility necessary in light of their frequent company with one another. Still, Derek’s friendly gesture was a nice surprise. Mark smiled and answered, “Sure,” thinking maybe they would be able to reestablish their friendship after all.

They took their beers out onto the porch, Derek sitting in the porch swing and Mark sitting on the front steps below him. They were enjoying the warmth of the spring afternoon, but although the sun was shining, the looming clouds in the sky foreshadowed the rainstorm that was predicted for later that night.

“So, you’ve been coming over a lot,” Derek observed.

“Yeah,” Mark answered vaguely.

Derek frowned, disappointed that Mark hadn’t elaborated more in his answer. Meredith had been pushing Derek to question Mark about his feelings for Izzie for the last couple of weeks, and this had been his and Mark’s first moment alone. He decided he would have to take a more direct approach.

“So what’s going on with you and Izzie, Mark?” Derek asked.

Mark was not surprised by Derek’s candor. In college, they had consistently meddled in each other’s relationships, and it seemed natural to talk to each other about the women in their lives.

“I don’t know,” Mark answered truthfully. He thought for a moment before speaking. “I have feelings for her, Derek. At first it was just physical attraction. I was always excited when she was assigned to be my intern. I loved teasing her,” he said with a laugh, thinking of the sexual innuendos he had often directed at her. “She’s so sharp and witty, and I felt drawn to her because she always stood up to me, fighting back. I love that about her.”

Mark sighed before continuing, frustration clearly marking his face. “It’s so complicated now, though. I feel happy whenever I’m with her, but part of me feels guilty because in the back of my mind, I know that I want her. She’s not ready for that, and I would never push her to do anything before she’s ready, but how long will it be before enough time has passed?”

Derek listened intently, truly feeling sorry for his friend. It was not often that Mark Sloan experienced genuine feelings for a woman, and it was unfortunate that circumstances were inhibiting his rare desire for a relationship.

Looking at Mark, he gave him the best advice he could. “Izzie’s a strong woman, which is something we’ve all learned in the passed month. She’s already starting to move on with her life, and in time, I’m sure she’ll be ready to have a relationship with someone. It’s obvious that she trusts you and there’s a connection between the two of you, but you need to be absolutely certain that she’s ready before you do anything. If you move too fast, it could destroy any chance you have with her.”

Mark nodded, staring off into the facing street. Walking down the sidewalk, a young couple strolled hand in hand, pushing a stroller that was occupied by tiny twin boys. Mark had never pictured himself as the kind of man who desired such a life, but he had been thinking of fatherhood ever since discussing Addison’s abortion with her, and consequently, learning of her lack of confidence in his parenting abilities. Would he really be such a bad father?

Looking back, he realized that during the time of Addison’s pregnancy in New York, he probably would have been. It had been over a year since then, however, and Mark knew that he had grown a lot as a person. He did want that life, he realized, as he watched the happy couple turn the corner.

He knew that it was ridiculous of him to picture himself and Izzie pushing a stroller down the sidewalk, but he was unable to block the image from his mind. What was wrong with him? They hadn’t even progressed beyond friendship and he was already picturing her as the mother of his child. ‘Get a grip, Sloan,’ he told himself.

Derek and Mark sat on the porch for another hour and a half, discussing the various things from Derek’s relationship with Meredith to Collin Marlow’s interfering presence in the hospital. They were currently working on the last of the beers, but as they had each consumed five, they both had a happy buzz that prevented them from stressing over their lack of further alcohol.

When Meredith walked up to the porch, she found them laughing over a shared college memory at Addison’s expense. Smiling at them, she briefly wondered if she had entered into an alternate universe. “Hey,” she greeted them, surprised at their friendliness toward one another. Sitting next to Derek, she took the beer from his hand, finishing it off in one sip.

“Hey,” Derek said wrinkling his forehead when he took back the empty bottle. “That was my last one, you know,” he told her.

“So we’ll get you another one at Joe’s,” she promised. She stood up, walking to the door. “I need to go take a shower, and then we can go grab some dinner before going over there. I told Cristina that we would meet her and Burke and Alex and Addison there at seven. You should come too, Mark.”

“Sounds like fun,” Mark told her before she disappeared through the door.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Izzie arrived home at 7:30. Her meeting with Caroline Robertson had been long and draining, leaving Izzie feeling depressed and exposed for the first time in the last couple of weeks. Throughout Izzie’s account, many tears had been shed and the attack now seemed fresh in her mind once again.

After her meeting, she had found herself sitting in the parking lot of the Rape Crisis Center. She wanted to go in, knowing that there would be an understanding ear who would gladly listen to her worries, but for some reason she was hesitant. After awhile, she decided just to go home.

Walking in the house, she found Mark sitting alone in the living room, devouring a carton of Chinese take out. “Hey,” he greeted her.

“Hey,” Izzie said quietly, remaining in the doorway.

Mark straightened, immediately sensing that something was wrong. “What’s the matter?” he asked her.

Izzie walked into the room, sitting next to Mark. “Nothing,” she replied softly, not wanting to talk about her afternoon. “I’m fine.” She didn’t want to deal with her emotions about the upcoming trial, and she thought that if she didn’t talk about it, maybe she could she could just forget that it was even happening.

Mark knew that she was lying to him, but he didn’t want to push her. She would tell him in her own time. Changing the subject, he said, “Do you want some Chinese?” he asked her.

“No, I’m not really hungry,” she replied. Noticing the quiet house, she asked, “Where’re Meredith and Derek?”

“They went to Joe’s. Everyone’s there, actually. I told them I’d meet them after you came home. I thought you might want to come with us.”

She looked at him thoughtfully, considering his offer. She was not really in the mood for socializing, and she was especially not in the mood for prying questions and sympathetic looks. On the other hand, she could think of nothing more appealing than drinking away her sorrows, forgetting the day that she had had. Forget her usual glass of chardonnay. Tonight called for tequila.

“Yeah,” Izzie responded. “I’d love to go.”

[LW107]

I'm going to post the rest of the chapters!

[LW107]

It had started to rain in the early evening, which drove a large crowd into Joe’s to take comfort in the dryness and the booze. When Izzie and Mark arrived at the tavern at eight o’clock, Izzie headed straight for the bar while Mark went over to the two adjacent tables that their friends encompassed.

“Hey,” he said, greeting the group. Putting his hand on Meredith’s shoulder, he asked quietly, “Can I talk to you?”

“Yeah,” Meredith replied, slipping off her stool. They stepped away from the table, sitting in a nearby booth. “What’s up?”

“I was just wondering if you knew what was up with Izzie,” Mark asked.

“What do you mean?”

Mark shook his head, unsure how to voice his concerns. “I don’t know,” he told her. “I think something must have happened today. She seems…upset,” he finished, before looking up to see Izzie walking toward them.

At the bar, Joe had immediately walked up to Izzie, smiling at her sympathetically. “Hey honey,” he had said. “Long time no see.”

Izzie had tried to suppress her irritation at his sympathy. Would she ever cease to be damaged in the eyes of her friends, or had her rape permanently added the title of ‘victim’ to her identity? “A tequila shot and a gin in tonic, please,” Izzie had said, and Joe had pursed his lips at her request. Izzie tended to be a lighter drinker than her friends, and her strong drink requests spoke volumes about her mood.

She had taken her shot at the bar to avoid any criticism from her friends, and then she walked toward the booth with her gin in tonic in hand. Sitting next to Meredith in the booth, she looked at them expectantly, asking, “What are you guys talking about?”

Mark and Meredith looked at one another guiltily, hesitating in their reply. Izzie inferred from their reaction that they had been talking about her, and she said irritably, “Seriously? You have nothing better to talk about than poor, poor Izzie?”

Meredith raised her eyebrows at Izzie’s mood, surprised by it despite Mark’s previous warning. He gave her a look that said ‘I told ya so,’ and said, “I’m going to go get a drink.”

“Are you okay, Iz?” Meredith asked when they were alone.

Izzie sighed apologetically, seeming to realize her attitude. “I’m fine,” she answered. “Sorry…I shouldn’t have snapped at you.” She then finished off her already half empty glass as Addison and Cristina walked over, sitting in the seat that Mark had recently vacated.

“Hey Dr. Model,” Cristina greeted.

Izzie rolled her eyes and said, “I’m going to get another drink.”

“Oh, you can have mine if you don’t mind strong vodka sours,” Addison offered, producing her nearly full glass. “It’s a little too much for me, so Alex is getting me something else.” Izzie gladly accepted her offer, enjoying the burn as she poured the alcohol down her throat. She was already feeling the effects of the alcohol, and she briefly asked herself why she hadn’t thought to use the depressant to numb her pain before now.

“Maybe you should slow down, Iz,” Meredith advised. She knew from experience that getting drunk never improved a bad situation. In fact, it often led to behavior that made it worse, and she knew that Izzie couldn’t handle anymore unpleasantness.

“Oh, leave her alone Debbie Downer,” Cristina complained, her own alcohol consumption obvious from the minor slur to her words. “I liked you better when you were a drunk.”

“Hey now,” Meredith said, throwing a peanut shell from the table at Cristina’s face. Addison and Izzie laughed at their behavior as Alex walked over juggling five bottles of Miller Lite.

“Here you go, ladies,” he said charismatically, placing four of the bottles in the center of the table.

“Such a charmer,” Cristina said sarcastically, but grabbing one of the beers nonetheless. The other three women imitated her action.

“Thanks Alex,” Meredith and Addison replied in unison.

“No thanks necessary,” he replied, “as long as one of you joins me for a game of darts.”

“I will,” Izzie volunteered quickly, eager for the opportunity to escape Meredith’s judgment.

She stumbled slightly as she got out of the booth, causing Alex to grab her arm to keep her balanced. He laughed at her and said, “When I kick your ass, you can pay me back for that beer.”

“Don’t count on it,” Izzie said mischievously as they walked away from the booth.

The three remaining women decided to vacate their booth and rejoin Burke, Derek and Mark at the original table. Sitting down, they found that the three attendings were debating over their plans for the chief of surgery position, and Addison quickly joined in on the discussion.

The discussion was soon interrupted by a ringing cell phone, and they all looked at one another, unsure who owned the phone. Addison quickly located it Alex’s coat pocket. “Alex,” she yelled, causing him to pause in his game with Izzie. “Your phone…” she explained, holding up the ringing Razor.

Alex ran over to the table, pausing before opening his phone when Cristina asked, “Who’s winning?”

Alex hesitated before answering grudgingly, “Izzie.”

Cristina laughed and asked, “How does it feel to have your ass kicked by a girl, Evil Spawn?”

Alex smiled sarcastically, choosing to ignore her comment as he answered his phone.

Abandoned over by the dart boards, Izzie decided she needed another drink. She walked to the bar and sat down on an unoccupied stool.

“Hey Iz,” Joe greeted her. “What can I get for you?”

“Another tequila shot,” she slurred slightly.

Joe briefly thought that he should cut her off, but deciding that her friends would take care of her, he nodded at her request before going to pour the shot.

As he walked away, a man sitting in the stool next to Izzie turned to her, his eyes roaming her body before meeting her gaze.

“Hey there,” he said flirtatiously.

Izzie rolled her eyes, looking away from him, but her snub didn’t discourage his come-ons. Scooting closer to her chair, he said “Can I buy you a drink?”

“I can buy my own, thanks,” she replied tersely.

He laughed. “You sure are feisty. I like that in a woman,” he told her, his face dangerously close to hers as he tried to inhale the scent of her hair.

“Get away from me,” Izzie hissed, recoiling from his proximity. The man backed off as Joe returned with her shot.

“Here ya go, honey,” he said, placing the small glass in front of her before walking away to serve his other customers, oblivious to the man’s bothersome performance.

Izzie quickly took the shot, not bothering with the salt or lime. The man next to her, watching from the corner of his eye, looked on in surprise. “Wow, a bitch and a hard-ass,” he observed. “I bet you are a real tiger in bed. I’m turned on just by sitting next to you,” he sneered.

Tensing at his words and annoyed by his obnoxious behavior, Izzie stood up from her stool to move away from him, but she was jerked back to the seat as his hand firmly grasped her upper arm. Her heart began to beat widely in response to the forceful touch. “Let go of me!” she demanded desperately.

The others looked over to the bar when they heard Izzie’s panicked plea. Mark was the first to get up, jumping out of his chair and racing to the bar when he saw the strange man’s firm hold on Izzie’s arm. Alex, Derek and Burke were close behind him.

“Let go of her!” Mark yelled, pulling the man off Izzie and slamming his body against the bar.

“Mark…Mark!” Derek called, pulling his friend off of the man. “You need to calm down before you do something you’ll regret.” Mark, his breaths labored with rage, stared wrathfully at the perpetrator.

Seeing that Mark’s anger preventing him from saying anything further, Alex stepped up to where the man still lay against the bar. “You better stay away from her,” Alex whispered aggressively as he moved inches from the man’s face.

The man put his hands up as if to convey his innocence. “I was just talking to her. She freaked out on me!” he said defensively.

“Well, you better find someone else to talk to,” Derek advised.

“Actually, you better just leave,” Joe said as he walked over to intervene.

The women, who had stood up to watch the unpleasant exchange, quickly walked over to where Izzie stood. “Are you okay?” Addison questioned her.

“I’m fine,” Izzie said automatically, embarrassed by the scene that had been caused.

Meredith rubbed Izzie’s arm, saying, “Come on, let’s go home, Iz.”

Izzie tore her gaze from the man on the bar to look over at her friends. What good would come from going home, she wondered. She would inevitably end up alone in her room, unable to sleep as thoughts of the past month plagued her consciousness. “No, I want to stay,” she said stubbornly, taking a step back as the drunken man moved past her. She stumbled slightly as she moved, and she had to grab hold of a nearby stool to keep from falling.

Meredith nodded her head, unhappy with Izzie’s decision but feeling the need to respect it nevertheless. She and the others walked back to their table as Mark approached Izzie. The two of them watched as the angry man left the bar fumingly, nearly crashing into a drunken woman walking through the exit.

“Are you alright?” Mark asked her quietly as he turned his attention back to her.

“I’m fine,” she said. “Thanks for the save. You always seem to be there to rescue me.”

He gazed down at her, a small smile playing on his lips. “That’s what friends are for.”

“Yeah,” Izzie confirmed in a whisper, meeting his gaze. Friends were supposed to save you from you from trouble, and she was grateful that everyone had rushed to her aid, but she realized that Mark made her feel differently than her other friends did. He made her feel warm and safe, and she didn’t feel quite as lonely when she was with him.

That’s what she needed tonight, she decided, using her drunken logic to make the deduction. After learning of Jason Dole’s upcoming trial and her emotional meeting at the D.A.’s office, joined with the fear that she had just experienced over being hassled by the strange man, she could think of nothing that she needed more than to feel warm and safe. And Mark could do that for her. He could make her forget about all of the unpleasantness in her life, and even though she would have to remember it all again tomorrow, a night free of uneasiness and fear sounded very appealing at that moment.

Placing her hand lightly on his belt buckle, she looked up at his through her eyelashes. “Is that all we are, Mark? Friends?” she asked him softly.

Mark’s eyes widened at Izzie’s obvious flirtatiousness. In all the time they had spent together, there had never been any suggestion of moving beyond friendship. “Izzie…” he said, unsure of how to handle her seduction.

“I think I am ready to go home, now that I think about it. Can you take me?” she asked suggestively.

There was nothing that Mark wanted more than to take her home and help her escape her troubles, and Mark knew that was exactly what she was trying to accomplish through the proposed affair. He wanted more for them, though. He wanted their first night together to be something they both fully yearned for out of their desire to be with one another and not one that had the possibility of regrets in the morning. Mark new that Izzie felt raw, and he believed that her desire to escape her anguish shouldn’t be the cause of them getting together, especially since it would have been her first sexual experience since her rape.

Realizing that he was about to do something he never thought possible, he placed his hands over hers, removing it from his belt buckle. With Derek’s warning about her needing to be ready playing over and over in his head, he looked her in the eye and said softly, “I don’t think it’s a good idea, Iz…”

She looked at him in surprise. “You don’t want me?” Izzie questioned faintly, hurt radiating on her face.

“No Izzie, it’s not that. It’s just that you’re drunk and…”

“No,” she interrupted abruptly, back away from him. “I get it. I’m damaged, right? Izzie Stevens is damaged goods. Who would want someone like that?” she asked, laughing bitterly as she put distance between them, tears gathering in her eyes.

“Izzie,” Mark said gently, walking towards her and placing his hand on her shoulder. She immediately shrugged his hand away, but he continued anyway. “Iz, of course it’s not like that! How could you even think that? I…I just don’t want to do something you’re not ready for, and I don’t want to be with you for the wrong reason. You have to…”

“No! Just forget it!” Izzie said irrationally, turning around and heading toward the door. A tear escaped from her eye, and she wiped at it angrily.

“Where’re you going?” she heard Mark call from behind her.

“Home. I’m going home alone,” she answered, not bothering to turn around as she walked through the door into the rainstorm.

Swearing under his breath, Mark went to the where his friends were sitting so that he could grab his jacket.

“What happened?” Addison asked him, having seen Izzie leave the bar upset.

“It’s a long story,” he replied, not wanting to go into detail. “Don’t worry, I’m going after her.”

“Want me to come with you?” Meredith asked him.

“No thanks, I need to talk to her alone,” he said, running to the door. He didn’t think she could get too far since they had used his car to get to Joe’s, but he didn’t want her outside by her self, especially in the rain.

Hurrying out the door, he ducked his head to shield himself from the falling drops, but was still immediately drenched within seconds. “Izzie!” he called, scanning the sidewalk that lined the front of Joe’s. Not seeing her, he began to jog in the direction of the parking lot, hoping she might have gone to his car. “Izzie!” He shouted again through the rain.

He paused by an alleyway when he saw movement out of the corner of his eye. His heart skipped a beat when he saw a figure leaning over a still body, and although he couldn’t make out any clear features because of the darkness and the rain, he assumed the worst.

“Izzie!” he called desperately, running down the alley. As he came upon them, relief washed over him when he saw that it was Izzie leaning over a battered woman, who Mark recognized as the drunken woman who had left the bar at the same time as the man who harassed Izzie.

“What happened?” Mark asked desperately, kneeling down next to them.

Izzie looked at him, her eyes full of alarm for the woman on the ground whose hand she was holding. “I was passing the alley and heard her screaming…the man from the bar…he was raping her, Mark!” she explained breathlessly. “I ran down here, screaming for him to get away from her. He ran away….I…I think I scared him.”

Mark briefly glanced up from where he was medically assessing the woman, looking at Izzie angrily. “Are you crazy?” he demanded. “You could have been killed!”

“I couldn’t just leave her here with him! I couldn’t do nothing!” Izzie yelled frantically.

“How long has she been unconscious?” he asked her.

“She was conscious until right before you came over,” Izzie told him loudly over the pounding of the raindrops. “She was talking to me. She was so scared and she felt so alone! She just wanted it to be over…”

Mark looked at her with concern as her thoughts faded off, wondering if Izzie was still talking about the girl who lay before them, or if she were now talking about herself. “Go inside, Izzie. Go back to Joe’s and call the police.”

Izzie looked as Mark wide eyed, defiantly saying, “No! I’m not leaving her! I told her I wouldn’t leave her!”

“Izzie…”

“No, Mark. I’m staying with her. You go call the police.”

Seeing the stubbornness on her face, Mark sighed and said, “Fine. I’ll be right back. If you see him coming back, you run, Izzie. I mean it. Don’t stay here and try to play the hero.”

“Just hurry,” she told him before he ran toward Joe’s. Looking down at the girl, Izzie said quietly to her. “I’m not going to leave you….I promise.”


Ch 16

Bailey and George were waiting in the ambulance bay for their new patient to arrive. When the vehicle pulled up and the back doors of the ambulance were opened, the doctors were surprised to see Mark and Izzie, who were both drenched from the rain.

“Stevens, Sloan, what are you two doing with my patient?” Bailey questioned them, her confusion evident by her facial expression.

“We found her outside of Joe’s,” Mark explained as he jumped from the vehicle. Turning around, he stuck his hand in Izzie’s direction to help her down. “Well, actually Izzie found her. She scared away the attacker.”

Both doctors stared at him. “Oh my God, are you okay?” George asked Izzie, shocked by Sloan’s explanation.

“I’m fine,” Izzie said, turning toward the girl as she was lifted out of the ambulance. They all began walking alongside the gurney when it was wheeled inside the emergency room. As they traveled to an exam room, Izzie briefed Bailey and George of the information that had been gathered on the ride to the hospital. “Her I.D. says her name’s Madison Andrews. She’s 23. Her B.P is 120/80 and her temp. is 99.2 degrees. Her pupils are dilated, but responsive. She’s briefly lost consciousness, probably for no longer than two or three minutes, but she now seems fully alert. There’s no evidence of fractures, but she might need a CT to rule out a concussion. And…she…she needs a rape kit,” she concluded, holding her head up high as if to prove that she was not affected by the words.

“Alright,” Bailey said. She got to work on doing a quick assessment of the patient, all the while trying to remain professional even though her pride in Izzie suddenly felt overwhelming. This girl never ceased to amaze her. Despite her own assault only a month before, Izzie did what many other people couldn’t do under normal circumstances: she put aside her own safety and feelings to help someone else. Bailey knew that she shouldn’t be surprised. Such an effort was typical of Izzie Stevens. “Stevens, Sloan, you two should go take showers and change into some dry clothes. We can handle it from here,” she said.

Mark nodded and left the room, but Izzie remained firmly in her place. “No, I’m going to stay with her. I promised her I wouldn’t leave,” she said determinedly.

Bailey looked like she was going to protest, but decided against it. She nodded her head and replied, “Alright then. Well, at least go put on some scrubs. You can’t stand there all night dripping water onto my floor. It’ll only take you a few minutes.” When Izzie just stared at her she said, “Stevens, go!”

Izzie sighed, looking at the battered woman on the table. “I’ll be right back, Madison. I’m just going to change into some dry clothes, okay?”

Madison nodded her head, but she seemed to be distressed by Izzie’s departure so Izzie hurried to the locker room quickly, grabbing a pair of extra scrubs from the linen closet and changing hurriedly. She returned to Madison’s exam room in less than five minutes, and as she was about to walk through the door, she was stopped by a voice. “Dr. Stevens?”

Izzie turned around and found Officer Jane Davis standing behind her. Her initial thought was there must be news about Jason Dole. Had he escaped from jail? Her heart skipped a beat at the thought, but she forced herself not to jump to conclusions, reminding herself that the policewoman was probably there for Madison.

“Hey Officer Davis,” Izzie greeted her. “Are you here about Madison Andrews?”

Officer Davis nodded her head, making no mention of Izzie’s own connection to her. Izzie appreciated her discretion considering they were standing in the middle of a hallway at the hospital where she worked. Sure, everyone already knew about Izzie’s assault, but she had no desire to publicize it further.

“She’s right in here,” Izzie said, opening the door for them both.

Only Dr. Bailey and Madison remained in the room. Bailey was setting up the rape kit, but she paused in her preparations to speak to the policewoman. Bailey met them at the door and Officer Davis asked quietly, “Has she said anything about the attack yet?”

Bailey shook her head negatively. “She hasn’t said much of anything. I think she is still in shock.”

Davis nodded her head understandingly. “Well, you know the drill. I’m going to need to get her statement after the rape kit’s done. My partner’s interviewing one of the witnesses now. I think he’s actually a doctor at this hospital. Mark Sloan?”

Izzie nodded her head. “Yeah, he and I were both there.”

Davis looked at her in surprise. “Oh, well then I’ll need to get a statement from you, too. We can do it after we’re through with Ms. Andrews.” Izzie nodded her head agreeably.

Bailey was the one to complete the rape kit, and she did so quickly and efficiently while Izzie remained at the head of Madison’s bed, soothing her with kind words and keeping the girl’s mind off the job that Bailey was performing. It was incredible how much the fragile girl lying before them already trusted Izzie. Bailey thought perhaps she could sense that Izzie’s compassion for her ran deeper than just objective sympathy. Izzie actually understood what Madison Andrews was feeling.

After the evidence was collected and the photographs taken, Officer Davis told Izzie and Bailey that she needed to be alone with Madison’s to take her statement. Madison’s eyes welled with tears at the mention of her having to relay the story of her attack. Knowing how terrified she was, Izzie took Madison’s hand in her own, squeezing it lightly. Quietly she told her, “I know this seems overwhelming, Madison, and I know that you want to just skip all of this…just pretend that none of it happened…but you can’t pretend. You have to face it, or you’ll never get through this. Talking to Officer Davis is the best thing you can do for yourself right now.”

Madison shook her head violently. “No,” she said in a soft, trembling voice. “No, I can’t do this…you don’t understand!”

“I do,” Izzie said with conviction, refusing to look away from the girl’s eyes, even when her own filled with tears. “I do understand. And I promise you that you can do it, no matter how weak and scared you feel right now. That feeling, it will go away eventually. I promise you it will. But you have to talk with the police so that they can find the man who hurt you. You can’t just ignore what happened, Madison.”

Madison’s eyes widened at Izzie’s suggestion of her own rape, but it seemed to convince her to listen to the advice of the beautiful doctor who stood before her. “Okay,” she whispered to Izzie softly.

Izzie smiled proudly down at her, giving her hand another light squeeze, and then she and Bailey left the room. When the door was closed behind them, a couple of the tears that Izzie had been holding in escaped her eyes, but she brushed them away absently. Bailey looked at her with concern. “Are you okay?” she asked.

Izzie smiled at her slightly and nodded. “I’m fine,” she answered. “I think I’ll go take that shower now,” she said, turning to leave.

“Stevens,” Bailey called, stopping her. She turned around and looked at her resident expectantly. Kindly, Bailey told her, “What you did for that girl tonight…she’ll never forget that, Izzie. No one could have helped that girl the way you did.”

Izzie smiled at her appreciatively, hoping that Dr. Bailey was right about her helping Madison. Turning back in the direction of the locker room, she went to take a shower.

As the hot water sprayed down on her, Izzie felt her tired, sore muscles relax. It was already midnight, and she couldn’t remember ever being so exhausted. It had been a hell of a day, and Izzie could think of nothing that sounded better than going home and crawling under her covers.

She stepped out of the shower, drying off quickly with a towel that she had grabbed from the linen closet. She realized then that she had forgotten to take a change of clothes out of her locker, so wrapped only in her towel, she scurried over to retrieve them.

When she opened the metal door, her eyes were drawn to a picture that she had taped on the inside it. The picture was of herself and Alex, Cristina, Meredith and George. The photograph had been taken at Joe’s last year, before everything had gotten complicated: before Denny, before George’s dad and his marriage to Callie, before Meredith’s quasi-death, before Izzie’s attack…before life had spiraled out of control.

The photograph made her smile, though, because is spite of all of the painful memories that had been made in the past year, there were hundreds of great memories that surpassed the bad ones, and this photograph was a reminder of all those times.

The five of them had remained best friends despite all the trials and tribulations that they had each endured. In fact, their friendships were stronger because of everything that they had been through together. Izzie couldn’t imagine her life without them, and just as importantly, she couldn’t imagine working in a hospital where she wouldn’t get to see them everyday.

What had she been thinking when she considered transferring from Seattle Grace? Sure, there were painful memories associated with the hospital, but here she was, standing in the locker room, and she wasn’t falling apart.

Being with Madison tonight and helping her through the exam felt right to Izzie. She needed to be able to help people again, and the best way she could do that would be to come back to work. ‘It’s time,’ she thought. ‘I’m ready.’

Smiling to herself, she vowed to talk with Dr. Bailey or Dr. Montgomery about coming back to work. It would have to wait until tomorrow, though, because at that moment, all she could think about was going home and falling into her bed.

Pulling out a change of clothes, she turned around to return to the changing area when the locker room door opened and Mark walked in. He stared at her in surprise, clearly not expecting to find her practically naked and dripping wet in a towel. “Uh…sorry,” he said lamely.

Izzie pulled her towel up, exposing more of her long legs but feeling self conscious about the ugly purple scar that marred her chest. She knew she was acting foolish. After all, Mark Sloan had been one of the first people to see that injury. “It’s okay,” she said timidly. “Just let me go change. I’ll be right back.”

She disappeared through the bathroom door, returning moments later fully dressed. He was sitting on the bench in the middle of the lockers, and she sat down beside him. They remained silent for several moments.

“What a night,” he said finally.

“Yeah,” Izzie agreed quietly. Then she turned to him, saying, “Listen Mark, I…I’m sorry about the way I acted at Joe’s tonight.”

“You don’t need to apologize, Izzie.”

“No, no, I do,” she insisted. “I was upset and I tried to use you to make myself feel better, and it was wrong, so I’m sorry. It would have been really easy for you to take advantage of the situation and, well, thanks…for taking care of me. Again…” she added with a small laugh.

Mark smiled and nodded, saying quietly, “I’ll always take care of you, Izzie.” As soon as he said the words, the smile left his face, not because he didn’t mean them, but because he hadn’t meant to make such a promise so quickly. He wondered if he had gone too far.

Izzie looked him in the eyes, her heart softening at his words. She was lucky, she knew, to have someone who cared so deeply about her. She closed her eyes, leaning forward slowly until her lips gently met his. The kiss was tender, almost experimental, and only lasted a few moments. When they broke apart, they looked at one another, neither saying anything because words weren’t necessary.

She laid her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes. It had been a long time since she had been this close to a man. Not since Denny had died had Izzie imagined herself in a relationship, but sitting next to Mark, feeling comfort by the mere proximity of him, she couldn’t envision her future without him. Sighing with contentment, she said, “Take me home.”



Chapter 17

Izzie and Mark didn’t arrive home until 2:00 a. m. Izzie had wanted to stop by Madison’s room before they left, but finding her asleep, she decided to come back the next day. On their way out of the hospital, they were stopped by Jane Davis because the police officer had wanted to question Izzie about what she’d seen outside of Joe’s. The interview had seemed endless at the time, as Officer Davis continually repeated questions over and over, trying to establish as accurate of an account as possible.

When they finally entered the front door, they found the house dark and soundless. Clearly Meredith and Derek had gone to bed, probably hours before. Shutting the door softly behind him, Mark turned to face Izzie and they gazed at one another in the dimly lit foyer, neither sure of what to do or say. Eventually Mark said, “Well, I guess I should go. It’s been a long day and we’re both exhausted…”

“No!” Izzie blurted out suddenly, and then blushed. Shyly, she suggested, “Maybe…maybe you could stay. I really don’t want to be alone tonight,” she explained, looking him in the eye.

Cautiously, he began, “Izzie…”

“I just meant that maybe you could sleep with me…” Her eyes widened as the words escaped from her lips, and she rushed to correct herself. “No, wait, I mean we could sleep together. God, I just meant that we could go to sleep,” she said, blushing again over her faltering explanation. Running her hand through her hair nervously, she said, “I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me…”

He laughed at her softly, relieved to see that she was as nervous he was. He stepped forward slowly, cupping her chin to force her to meet his gaze. “I would love that,” he said gently.

She smiled and reached behind him to the lock the door securely. Taking his hand in hers, she turned around and led him up the stairs and they walked quietly to her room. Izzie went straight to her dresser, pulling out a black tank top and matching capri pajama bottoms. She turned back to Mark and said, “I’m going to wash my change.”

She returned from the bathroom minutes later, free of makeup and dressed in the pajamas. While she had been gone, he had stripped to his boxers and undershirt, and he was now sitting on her bed thumbing through a photo album. She sat beside him, looking over his shoulder at the photographs of her and her friends, all of which documented the obvious closeness of the group.

As he turned the page, a small photograph that had been loosely placed in the back of the album fell to the floor. Izzie immediately attempted to retrieve the picture, but Mark was too quick and he beat her to it. “Who’s this?” he questioned, looking at an adorable blonde haired child.

Izzie’s eyes widened at the question, and for a moment she refused to meet his stare. Could she tell him? It was the biggest secret that she harbored from her friends, and telling someone about this piece of her past would certainly change their opinion of her. This was Mark, though, she realized. In the past weeks, he had proven himself to her time and again, and she knew that she could trust him with her secret.

Finally, she took a deep breath and said quietly, “That’s my daughter.”

Mark looked sharply at her face, stunned by her revelation. Izzie braced herself for his inevitable judgment, and she was surprised when it didn’t come. His face relaxed and he simply said, “Tell me.”

She looked at him for a moment, relieved that he wanted to hear about her past instead of immediately playing judge and jury. Gradually, she told him the story. “I found out I was pregnant when I was fifteen. I’d been dating this guy, Tyler, for a little over a year. I think I told you about him the day you removed my stitches,” she said, absently touching the scar on her chest. Mark nodded and she continued.

“It’s not uncommon where I’m from for teenagers to get pregnant. People start their families when their only thirteen or fourteen sometimes, but Tyler and I…we had plans. We were going to be different from everyone else. We worked really hard in school so that we could get scholarships for college… and…well, when we found out I was pregnant, it was like everything suddenly seemed unattainable.

“We talked a lot about what we should do about the baby. Tyler wanted me to get an abortion but I…I just couldn’t. He broke up with me eventually, and went to finish high school in Portland with his aunt and uncle,” she told him quietly. “I’ve never blamed him for leaving me. It was terrifying, the idea of being a parent, and I understand that he needed to escape it.”

Mark furrowed his brow, his angry at the thought of the selfish bastard who left Izzie alone.

“The later I got into my pregnancy, the more I realized that I couldn’t give my baby the kind of life I wanted her to have. She deserved so much more than I had growing up, so much more than I could give her. So I decided to give her up for adoption.”

As Izzie told her story, Mark’s admiration for her grew more than he ever thought possible. How had she been through so much heartache in her life, yet still remain such a compassionate, optimistic person?

“I went to an agency and interviewed several couples before I found the right one. They were perfect, Mark. Their names are Dustin and Caroline Kline and they lived in California at the time. They’re both psychologists, but Caroline only works part time so she can be with their kids. The first time I met them, they brought their adopted sons with them, and I saw what amazing parents they were. And they could give her everything I couldn’t,” she said quietly, a tear rolling down her cheek.

“The hardest day of my life was when I had to give her away. After she was born, I held her in my arms and told her that I loved her, but that she would have a better life with the Kline family. I knew that I was doing the right thing, but when they came and took her away, it felt like apart of me went with her…like I was no longer whole.”

“You must still keep in touch with them if you have this,” Mark noted, lifting up the picture.

“I kept in touch with them for awhile. They told me all about her and sent me pictures occasionally. Her name is Hannah, and she’s eleven now, but I don’t know a lot more than that anymore. I lost touch with them when they move from Santa Barbara a few years ago, so…” Another tear escaped from her eye as she trailed off.

Mark brushed it away gently and said, “It took courage and love for you to give your daughter a better home than you could have given her. It’s the most amazing part of you, Iz…you’re ability to love so selflessly,” he said quietly. He cupped her chin with his hand, bringing her close as he kissed her softly, tasting the salt of her tears on his lips. He felt honored that she had trusted him with her secret.

Mark could see that she had been terrified of his judgment, and he hoped that she realized that her admission did not make him think less of her. In fact, it confirmed what an exceptionally remarkable person she really was. “Your heart’s as beautiful as you are, Izzie,” he whispered to her. “It’s my favorite part of you…” he confessed tenderly, gently placing his hand over her heart, covering her scar.

She immediately tensed at the intimate touch, but she relaxed just almost immediately. Her feelings for Mark grew as she realized that his gentle words were sincere. She rested her forehead against his, feeling liberated by her confession, and they soon fell back against the sheets, content in each others arms and falling asleep with their arms and legs entwined.


Ch. 18

Izzie woke up the next morning to a strong pair of arms encircling her waist. Her initial reaction was confusion, but she quickly recalled the events of the previous day, and she smiled at the realization that it was Mark’s chest against her back.

Mark felt the slight change in her body and heard her previously even breaths become just a bit irregular. Knowing that she was finally awake, he nuzzled his nose into her neck, breathing in the floral scent of her hair.

She laughed as his morning whiskers tickled her skin, and she turned around in his arms so that they were face to face, only inches apart from one another. “Good morning,” she whispered with a smile as she rested her knee over his thigh.

“Good morning,” he returned. “Did you sleep well?”

“I did,” she answered.

“Good, glad that I could be of service,” he said with a grin, rubbing his hand up and down the length of her calf.

“Who said you had anything to do with it?” Izzie countered mockingly, but her sarcasm was pitifully half-hearted as his hand traveled up to her thigh. He began nuzzling her neck again, teasing her with light kisses on her sensitive skin. “Okay, maybe you had something to do with it,” she admitted with a blissful sigh.

At that moment Izzie’s door flew open. “Hey Izzie, can you…oh my god! I’m sorry…I didn’t know you had company. I’m sorry…I…just …sorry…oh god…” Meredith stuttered, shock written all over her face. She began retreating out the doorway, but backed right into Derek’s chest as he appeared in the entry.

“What the matter?” Derek asked her with concern, having heard Meredith’s startled apologies. Following Meredith’s gaze to Izzie’s bed, he said, “Oh…,” staggered by the sight of Mark and Izzie lying in each others arms.

“Jeez, calm down you two. You sound like idiots” Mark said to the couple, laughter evident in his eyes.

“Sorry, we were just….I mean, I just wanted to see…I was just going to ask Izzie if….”

“What Mer? Spit it out,” Izzie said impatiently, though humored by Meredith’s stammering.

“We were just going to ask you to make breakfast, but don’t worry about it,” Derek explained.

Mark turned to face Izzie, rubbing his stubble lightly against her cheek and saying in a low voice, “Mmm, breakfast does sound good…”

Izzie giggled. “Fine, okay. One breakfast coming right up,” she said laughing, breaking free of Mark’s arms and standing up off the bed.

Mark got up as well. He stretched and walked toward the door, where he smiled boastfully at Meredith and Derek before heading downstairs with Derek trailing after him.

As Izzie put on her robe, Meredith advanced toward her. “Did you sleep with him?” she demanded in a hushed voice.

“Well, I slept with him, Nosey Parker, but we didn’t have sex,” Izzie explained lightheartedly. Looking at her friend’s critical expression, she pleaded, “Come on, Mer; don’t get all weird and judgey. Can’t you just be happy for me?”

Meredith’s face softened at Izzie’s request. “I just don’t want you to get all caught up in him being your knight in shining…whatever…and do something that you’ll regret. Its not that I don’t like Mark, I just don’t know if he’s the right guy for you.”

Izzie was about to reply when Mark’s voice called from downstairs, “Hey, we’re hungry down here!”

Izzie and Meredith both rolled there eyes and walked to the door. At the top of the stairs, Meredith stopped Izzie by placing her hand on Izzie’s wrist. “Alright,” she relented, “I’m happy if you’re happy.”

Izzie smiled widely. “Thanks, Mer.”

Izzie decided to make French toast, using eggs whites and whole grain bread for the sake of Derek’s freakish healthiness. As she gathered her ingredients on the counter, Meredith poured herself a glass of orange juice and sat next to Mark and Derek on the counter stools to watch Izzie cook.

“So what happened outside of Joe’s last night?” Meredith asked curiously. When Mark had run inside the bar to call the police the night before, he had briefly explained to the group that there was an injured girl outside, and he had told them to call for an ambulance. He had assured them that he and Izzie didn’t need any help outside, and wanting to get back to Izzie as quickly as possible, he hadn’t given them any other details.

At Meredith’s question, Mark and Izzie exchanged a look. They had avoided the subject thus far, not wanting to talk about the emotional rollercoaster of last night, but leave it to Meredith to bring up the negative topic on such a bright and cheery morning.

“A girl was attacked in the alley outside of the bar. It was that guy who was messing with Izzie,” Mark explained, his voice tightening at the last bit of information.

“Oh my god, is the girl okay?” Derek questioned.

Mark looked at Izzie, wondering if she wanted to tackle the question. She avoided his gaze though, focusing her attention on draining an egg white into a large mixing bowl.

“Well, is she?” Meredith pressed, echoing his question.

“She was raped,” Izzie said suddenly, accidentally letting the yolk slide into the bowl. “Damn it!”

The other three looked at her, slightly startled by her small outburst. “Its okay,” Derek assured her smoothly. “A little cholesterol here and there never hurt anyone.”

Izzie looked at him, smiling slightly. She appreciated the undertone of his rationalization: a little emotional discomposure here and there never hurt anyone. Taking a breath to calm herself, she said, “Physically she’s okay. I didn’t get a chance to talk with her a whole lot last night, but I’m going stop by and see her later when I go to the hospital.”

“What are you going to the hospital for?” Meredith questioned, breaking off the corner of the first piece of completed French toast and popping it into her mouth.

“I’m going to talk to the Chief and Bailey about coming back to work,” she explained.

“Seriously?” Meredith asked, her face lighting up. “That’s great, Iz.”

Izzie finished preparing the breakfast and the four of them sat down together at the large kitchen table. “So, how was Joe’s last night after we left?” Izzie asked curiously.

“Oh, you know, the usual debauchery,” Meredith said. As per custom, she began to relay the drunken tales from the night before. “Cristina and Burke got in a fight,” she told her. “Cristina got pissed when he tried to make her go home because she was too drunk, so she started flirting with Paul Reeves, that hot guy from oncology.”

“Hey…” Derek interrupted.

Meredith rolled her eyes at him and continued telling Izzie the story. “Anyway, Burke was furious…I think he was so jealous because of the whole “Collin Marlow wants my job and my girlfriend” thing, and he dragged Cristina away from Paul and took her into the bathroom…”

“Ooh, juicy,” Mark said mockingly, though privately enjoying the gossip as much as Izzie, who was leaning toward Meredith in interest.

“You know, I can hear you talking about me,” Cristina said as she walked through the kitchen door, her face flushed and dressed in jogging attire. She sat down in a vacant seat, helping herself to the pile of French toast.

“Hey,” Meredith said with surprise. “I didn’t hear you come in,”

“That’s because you were too busy sharing stories of my sex life with Ken and Barbie, here,” Cristina said, indicating Mark and Izzie. She nodded in Mark’s direction. “What’s he doing here, anyway?” she asked Meredith, speaking as though he couldn’t hear her.

“He stayed over here last night,” Meredith explained to her vaguely, but the implication wasn’t lost on Cristina.

“Ooh, naked McDreamy and naked McSteamy under one roof? Maybe I should move in, too,” she said while chewing on a bite of her breakfast.

The others laughed and shook their head at Cristina’s sarcasm, though none of them corrected her assumption that Mark and Izzie had slept together the night before. Instead, Meredith asked her, “So why are you jogging? Is everything all right?”

“Yeah,” Cristina said, over a mouth full of French toast. “Burke’s just being a baby about last night. I had to get out of there…I wasn’t in the mood to coddle him.”

Izzie exchanged an amused look with Mark. Cristina’s cynicism never grew dull.

“Well I need to get going,” Mark said as he stood up. “I have a cleft palate reconstruction in an hour.” He took his dirty dished to the skink, rinsing them off quickly and placing them in the dishwasher.

“Can I ride with you?” Izzie asked him.

“Of course,” he said, grinning charmingly at her. He held out his hand to help her up from her seat. Izzie smiled at him as she rose, looking into his eyes a moment longer than necessary.

“Gross,” Cristina muttered, looking away from the flirtatious couple.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Jason Dole pled not guilty at his arraignment hearing,” Izzie told Mark when they were in the car.

The statement had seemed to come out of nowhere, and Mark was momentarily confused. “Who?” he asked. Then it dawned on him what she must be talking about. “Oh.”

“That means there’s going to be a trial,” she continued, staring out the passenger window. “It’s going to be next month.”

“And I’m guessing that you found out about this yesterday,” Mark said.

“Yeah.”

“Which is why you were so upset last night before we went to Joe’s?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she replied again.

He said nothing for a moment. He had known that something had been wrong when she had acted so strangely the night before, but he hadn’t realized that she was dealing with such a significant new strain. “God, I’m sorry Iz,” he told her.

She looked away from the window, smiling at him. “It’s okay,” she told him softly. “It’s going to be difficult, sure, but…well, maybe it will give me some closure, you know? Maybe it’s what I need…to play a part in him going to jail…to really get over this.”

“What do you mean, ‘play a part?’ You have to actually go to the trial?” Mark asked her.

“I have to testify in the trial,” she explained.

He swore under his breath. He wished that he could get his hands on Jason Dole. Was it not enough that he had nearly destroyed her once? Did he really have to continue to hurt her again and again?

The thought of Izzie having to testify to all of the humiliating details of her attack in front of a room full of people infuriated Mark. Someone needed to come up with a new system of justice, one where the victim was not revictimized by having to relive the horror of her degradation.

Izzie saw the anger in the tautness of his face. She covered his hand with her own and told him softly, “Its okay. Really…I’m going to get through this.”

His face relaxed and he looked at her in amazement. ‘How was it that it had become her consoling him?’ he thought. ‘God, she’s such a strong person.’ He clasped her hand and squeezed it gently. “You’re amazing.”


Ch 19

When Mark and Izzie arrived at the hospital, Izzie went straight to the chief’s office. Patricia was sitting in her desk outside of his door and she greeted Izzie. “Hello Dr. Stevens.”

“Hey Patricia,” Izzie said to the assistant. “I was hoping that I could meet with the Chief and Dr. Bailey sometime today.”

Patricia looked through the appointment book in front of her. “You’re in luck. There was actually a cancellation that you can take. He’ll only have about fifteen minutes to meet with you, so I hope that’s enough time.”

“Yeah, sure,” Izzie said agreeably. “That would be great.”

“Alright, well come back at 10:00. I’m afraid Dr. Bailey’s shift ended a couple of hours ago, though.”

Izzie looked at her watch. She had an hour before it started, which have her plenty of time to go visit Madison. She decided to take the stairs, knowing that it would be the quicker route.

Izzie spotted George filling out some paperwork at the nurses’ station outside of Madison’s room.

“Hey George,” she said, leaning over the desk.

“Hey,” he said, clearly surprised to see her. He looked at her with concern. “How are you?”

“I’m fine,” she replied, dismissing his worry. “How’s Madison?”

George glanced at the chart in his hand before replying. “She’s doing okay. She had a low-grade fever last night, but she’s doing better now. She’ll be released this afternoon.”

“That’s great,” Izzie said. “Is she alone?”

“Yeah,” George answered. “Her parents have been here this morning, but I think they went to the cafeteria to get some breakfast.”

Izzie nodded. “Alright then, I'm going to go see her. I’ll see you later George.” She turned around to leave, but stopped at the sound of his voice.

“Izzie…”

“Yeah?” she asked, turning around to look at him.

He came around the nurses’ station to stand in front of her. “You know, what you did last night for her…for Madison…it’s wonderful. You put your life on the line when you ran in that alley toward her attacker, and then you put your emotions on hold so that you could stay with her because you knew the pain that she way feeling. And…I’m not surprised at all because…well, because it's you. Your Izzie, you help people no matter what.” He paused, searching for the right words. “Look, I’m not trying to take away from what you did, but…but you are Izzie, and you do get emotionally involved…Too emotionally involved. Please try not to let that happen here. You’re still trying to heal yourself, and I don’t want you to put that on hold so that you can heal someone else.”

“George, you’re asking me to be someone that I’m not,” Izzie said quietly.

“No…no,” he insisted with a furrowed brow. “I’m just asking you not to repeat your past mistake. I don’t want you to make the same mistake you made with Denny. You got too involved with him and it nearly destroyed you. I can’t watch that happen to you again.”

“George,” Izzie said, placing her hand on his shoulder. “That’s not going to happen to me again. I learned my lesson with Denny, but I don’t regret that part of my past. Your relationships with people is what life is all about. I’m not going to become too involved with Madison, but I am going to become involved. It’s what makes me me. It’s who I am, you know that.” She pulled him into tight embrace and said quietly, “You have to trust me, George.”

George closed his eyes, appreciating her words, yet still worried about where her actions would lead her. Still, he didn’t want her to think that he didn’t trust her when she needed a friend the most, so he said, “I do…I do trust you, Iz.”

They pulled apart and she smiled at him. He returned her smile before turning around and disappearing down the hallway.

Izzie took a deep breath before turning towards Madison’s room. Slowly, she drew her head up and knocked softly. She heard no reply, so she cracked the door open cautiously, finding the room blackened by darkness. “Madison?” she called out softly.

“Who’s there?” a timid voice asked from the bed.

Izzie opened the door further and slipped into the room. Though there was a hint of light penetrating the drawn curtains, it was still dark enough that Izzie had to be cautious while traveling to the bed. Answering Madison’s inquiry, she said, “It’s Izzie. I was with you last night…outside of Joe’s, and then at the hospital.”

There was silence before Madison said in a hushed voice, “Yeah, I remember you.”

Finding a chair positioned beside the bed, Izzie sat down. “How are you feeling?” she asked with concern.

“How do you think I’m feeling?” Madison answered bitterly. Izzie closed her eyes briefly, reminding herself that Madison’s anger was understandable. It had not been too long ago that Izzie herself had experienced the same kind of resentment toward the world.

“I understand how your feeling, Madison,” Izzie said gently. “I just wanted to come by to let you know that you aren’t the only person to have to go through this…and you don’t have to go through it alone.”

Madison remained quiet, and Izzie briefly wondered if she was choosing to ignore her words. She then heard a small shuffle from the bed and saw the outline of Madison’s body leaning toward the nightstand. A small lamp was clicked on, and the room was instantly illuminated, allowing Izzie to see Madison’s face clearly for the first time since walking in.

The girl looked guardedly at Izzie, studying her facial features as though judging her trustworthiness. Slowly she asked her, “You’ve been raped?”

Izzie took a breath before answering quietly. “Yes.”

Madison took a moment to digest the confirmation of what she had already suspected. “What happened?” she eventually asked her.

“It was only about a month ago,” Izzie explained, her voice growing thick with emotion. “I was alone one night at the clinic across the street and a man broke in to steal narcotics…”

“But you’re okay now?” Madison asked her. “You’re…healed.” Madison said the last part sarcastically, but Izzie could see the hope in her eyes…the hope that she would one day no longer feel the pain that she was currently experiencing.

“I’m not totally over it,” Izzie admitted. “Maybe I won’t ever be…maybe you’re not ever supposed to completely get over something like this. But I’m trying to move past it.” She saw disappointment in Madison’s eyes, and she paused, trying to find the right words to comfort her. “You’ll probably experience a lot of different feelings in the next few days, in the next few weeks even, and that’s completely normal. I know I was constantly questioning how something like that could happen to me, and how…”

“I don’t have to wonder how something like this could happen to me,” Madison interrupted. “I know how…it was my fault.”

Izzie creased her forehead in confusion. “How could you think that, Madison?” she demanded

“I was stupid, Izzie. I was drunk and alone in a bar. It’s like I was asking for it.”

Izzie was surprised by the girl’s words. How could she think that? Izzie shook her head vehemently. “No. No, Madison, you were not asking for it. Do you know how many times I have been drunk and alone in a bar? Or how often my friends have?” she added, thinking mostly of Meredith. “And when we were, we were never asking to be raped. You cannot blame yourself, Madison. It was not your fault.”

Tears had spilled onto Madison’s face as Izzie had talked, and Madison wiped them away furiously. “I guess,” she said inattentively.

Izzie sighed, hating the pain that the girl was going through, but knowing that it was a part of the process. She looked toward the door when she heard a knock, and saw George poke his head in. “Hey,” Izzie said quietly.

“Hey,” he said. “I need Ms. Andrews to fill out some paperwork before she can be discharged.”

“Oh, okay,” Izzie replied. She looked down at Madison momentarily before saying, “There really are a lot of people who can help you, Madison. People who want to help you. I know I want to help you, and if you ever need to talk, about anything, you can call me and I’ll listen.” She quickly scribbled her number onto the blank notepad on the bedside table. “And if you don’t want to call, I usually go to the rape crises center on Friday nights at 8:00. There’s a support group that meets there every week. They’re all really wonderful, and I know they would love for you to come.”

Madison nodded softly, staring down at the comforter on her bed. Frustrated that she could not make things okay for the sad girl before her, tears filled Izzie’s eyes. “Okay then,” she said as she rose to her feet. She placed her hand cautiously on Madison’s shoulder, careful not to startle her but letting the girl know that she was there for her if she needed support. “If you need anything, Madison, I’m here for you.”

With that, Izzie walked to the door. She tried to slip past George, but he softly grabbed her by the wrist, pulling her towards him. “Are you okay?” he whispered.

“I’m fine, George,” she whispered back, trying to avoid his gaze, but her wet lashes weren’t lost her friend.

“Izzie, please don’t do this to yourself.”

“Not now, George,” Izzie said impatiently, pulling her wrist free and walking away from the room briskly.

Izzie headed toward the restroom purposefully, willing her tears to stay in place long enough for her to find the sanctuary of a bathroom stall. She was relieved to find the restroom empty, and she locked herself behind a metal door, sitting down on the closed toilet seat and allowing herself to release her pent up emotions.

Her tears flowed freely, and what began as small sniffs eventually turned into overwhelming sobs. She cried for Madison, for the torture that the girl had endured last night, and for the torture that she would have to endure in the upcoming weeks. She had looked so lost, so helpless on that hospital bed, and it saddened Izzie to think that it was really only the beginning of the anguish that she would experience.

She also cried for herself, for the entire trauma that Jason Dole had already caused her and would cause her in the future, but mostly she cried because out of disappointment for not being able to help Madison. She had truly believed that using her own experience, she would be able to find the right words to help Madison through her grief, but Izzie felt like she had made no difference for the girl.

Her tears eventually subsided, but she remained seated, taking comfort in the seclusion of the stall. Eventually she glanced at her watch and realized that she only had fifteen minutes until her meeting with the Chief. Standing up, she smoothed the wrinkles from her slacks and unlocked the door to the stall.

Stepping out, she groaned at her appearance in the mirror over the sink. Her eyes were red and her face was puffy from the tears. ‘Way to make an impression, Iz,’ she told herself. ‘How could the chief not want you back, considering your evident stability?’ she wondered sarcastically. She them jumped, startled when the door to the restroom flew open.

“Dr. Stevens,” Addison greeted as she came through the door in rush. Izzie looked down quickly to avoid Addison’s gaze, surprised by the sudden appearance of the doctor, but Addison had already seen Izzie’s tearstained face. She looked at her with concern. “Izzie…what’s the matter?” she questioned.

Izzie lifted her head, meeting Addison’s gaze through the mirror. “Nothing, really,” Izzie said, painting a smile on her face. She recognized the useless of her attempt when Addison gave her an incredulous look. Sighing, Izzie relented. “I’m just feeling like a bit of a failure, which is not how I need to feel before going in to meet with the chief about coming back to work,” she said. Addison smiled at the news that Izzie wanted to return to work, but she still looked questioningly at the intern, curious as to why she felt like a failure. Izzie explained, “I just came from Madison Andrews’ room.”

“The rape victim that you and Mark brought in last night?” Addison questioned, having heard about the incident as soon as she had arrived at the hospital.

Izzie nodded. “I thought I could help her, Dr. Montgomery. I thought I would be able to make some of her pain go away, but I didn’t…I couldn’t…”

Hearing the dejectedness in Izzie’s voice, Addison assured her, “You can’t help everyone, Izzie.”

Izzie closed her eyes. She knew this, of course. If she could help everyone, her life would be very different right now. If she could help everyone, her name would currently be Isobel Duquette. If she could help everyone, the free clinic might not have even been opened yet because of a lack of funding, and she might never have come in contact with Jason Dole. Yes, her life certainly would be different if she could help everyone.

But she wasn’t trying to help everyone. She was trying to help Madison Andrews, and her inability to do this left her feeling ineffectual.

As though reading Izzie’s mind, Addison told her, “You can’t give up on yourself because of one person you couldn’t help, Dr. Stevens. Think of all the patients that you have helped in the past, and all of the ones that you can help in the future.”

Izzie nodded, realizing the wisdom behind Addison’s words. She was right, of course, as she seemed to always be. Izzie could help others, but to do that, she needed to return to work, and to do that, she needed to fix herself up and get to the Chief’s office. “You’re right,” she said. “Thanks, Dr. Montgomery.”

Addison smiled slightly, reaching into her lab coat pocket and producing a black Chanel compact. She handed it to Izzie who opened it, revealing a cream colored power. Izzie smiled gratefully at her before expertly applying the foundation, using the mirror as a guide. When she was done, all traces of her emotional breakdown were buried beneath the makeup.

“You look perfect,” Addison assured her when Izzie turned to her for inspection. “Now, you better get to the Chief’s office.”

Izzie nodded and walked to the door. She turned back around before exiting. “Thank you, Addison,” she said softly

“You’re welcome,” Addison replied sincerely. “Good luck.”

[LW107]

Ch. 20

Mark pulled into the driveway at Meredith and Izzie’s house at 6:30. His day had not been all that demanding; he had preformed only one surgery and completed a few hours worth of paperwork before leaving the hospital. The entire day had seemed to stretch endlessly for Mark, however, because all he could think about was getting home to Izzie.

After his surgery, he had searched the hospital, hoping to hear about her meeting with the Chief, but she was nowhere to be found. He soon learned from Callie that Izzie had caught a ride home with George at the end of his shift, so Mark had immediately phoned Izzie, wanting to check to make sure that she was alright and that her meeting had gone well. She had told him that it had been fine, and promised to tell him all about it if he would come over for dinner.

So here he was, walking up the back steps of the house, unable to wipe the cheerful grin off his face. He let himself in the porch and walked to the back door, turning the knob when he saw Izzie standing at the stove through the window. She jumped slightly as he entered, startled from her concentration, but smiled at him when she saw that it was he who came through the door.

“Hey,” she said.

“Hey yourself,” he answered, walking over to where she was standing and wrapping his arms around her waist. He rested his chin on her shoulder, looking into the pot that was emitting a heavenly aroma. He inhaled the spicy scent, but then turned his face, burying it in her neck beneath her loose curls. “Mmm, that smells amazing…,” he said huskily.

Izzie smiled, turning her own face in his direction so that they were eye to eye before leaning in, allowing her lips to press against his. She sighed against the contact, feeling wholly satisfied for the first time since waking up with him that morning. She was glad, then, that Meredith and Derek were spending the night in the trailer. Pulling back, she grinned happily at him. “How was your day?” she asked.

“It was good,” he said softly, nuzzling her neck with the tip of his nose. “I reconstructed the cleft palate of a three year old boy who was just adopted from Singapore, and then I caught up on all my paper work which means…,” he paused to give her a quick kiss before concluding suggestively, “I don’t need to go in tomorrow until my breast augmentation at eleven, so we have the whole morning to ourselves, Dr. Stevens.”

Izzie laughed as he tickled her neck with his beard and replied, “Well, it would mean that if I didn’t have to be at work tomorrow at 6 o’clock for rounds.”

He pulled back and looked at her with a grin on his face. “So I take that to mean your meeting with Richard went well?” he asked, backing away from her and walking to the refrigerator to pull out a beer.

“Yeah,” Izzie replied, stirring the sautéing vegetables in front of her. “Dr. Webber said that he was glad that I’m ready to come back, and he agreed I wouldn’t have to work at the clinic. He does want me to seek counseling, but he can’t force me to since I’m not on probation anymore.”

“So does that mean that since he can’t force you, you’re not going to?” Mark asked, pouring a glass of chardonnay for Izzie.

She said nothing for a moment, reflecting on his question as she transferred the completed vegetables onto a serving platter. Eventually she replied, “Probably not. I mean, I still go to the support group and I think that is enough for me. I’m doing better. I don’t think I need more therapy than that.”

Mark nodded his head in acceptance, trusting Izzie’s analysis of her emotions. He sat down at the table as Izzie finished putting out the various dishes, suddenly discovering his appetite. “This looks incredible,” he said slowly, impressed by the layout in front of him.

Izzie beamed, but said modestly, “Thanks, but it really wasn’t that much trouble.”

They talked all throughout dinner, sharing various stories and laughing over the scandalous gossip that had been circulating the hospital that day. Suddenly Mark asked, “Oh yeah, how was Madison? Did you get to visit her before she was discharged this morning?” He instantly regretted his question when the laughter left her eyes and her face grew gloomy.

Izzie told him about her talk with Madison and her feeling of helplessness when it came to the girl. Mark wished that he had been there to console Izzie during her emotional lapse in the bathroom, but he was glad to learn that Addison had been there to soothe her in her time of need.

“Well, Addie’s right, Iz. You really can’t comfort everyone. I know you’re going to try to anyway, and that’s what makes you so amazing, but you can’t let yourself crumple every time somebody’s beyond your help.”

Izzie stared at her finished plate, mumbling grudgingly, “I know that.”

Mark sighed, scooting his chair out. He took her hand in his own, pulling her toward him until she was resting in his lap. “Look at me,” he commanded. When she continued to stare stubbornly at the table, he repeated, “Look at me, Isobel.” She raised her eyes then, so that she was staring into his. “I’m falling for you. I’m falling for you like I have never fallen for a woman before, and sometimes it scares the hell out of me. It scares me because I’ve never felt so much with another person,” he said tenderly, brushing a curl from her cheek. “Every time I see you smile, it makes me smile, and every time I see you laugh, it makes me happy. It’s like your feelings are contagious, Izzie. And right now, you feel sad and helpless, and that makes me feel sad and helpless. I don’t like feeling this way, Iz, and more importantly, I don’t like seeing you feel this way. What can I do to make you feel happy?”

Izzie stared into his eyes, her heart beat quickening at his words. She leaned foreword suddenly, her lips capturing his in a passionate kiss that stole the breath from both of them. Neither one had ever experienced such passion; it was as if electricity was running through their veins, sends volts from their heads to the tips of their toes and leaving goose bumps in their wake. Their tongues tangled for several moments before she pulled herself from his lap, bringing him up with her so that the kiss was never broken, and they staggered through the kitchen door, heading toward the staircase.

They climbed the stairs quickly, stumbling carelessly in their effort to not interrupt their embrace. At the top of the stairs, Mark guided Izzie to the wall, pushing her gently against it and burying his hands in the softness of her unruly curls as he deepened their kiss. Izzie moaned softly and pushed back against him, urging him toward her bedroom and breaking their hold on one another only long enough to remove his shirt.

They pushed through the cracked door of her room, traveling urgently toward the bed. Mark took the hem of Izzie’s shirt in his hands, lifting it up and over her head. Aware of her exposure, Izzie suddenly backed up, looking at him insecurely.

Knowing the source of her uncertainty, Mark stepped toward her slowly. Looking into her eyes briefly, he allowed his gaze to travel over her body before resting once again on her face. “Beautiful…” he whispered, before lowering his face to place light kisses on the purple scar across her chest. Tears filled her eyes at the intimate contact, and one wet droplet slipped through her lashes, traveling down her cheek. Mark’s lips traveled up to her neck and finally to her face, and he kissed away the tear, whispering hoarsely, “So beautiful...”

Mark covered Izzie’s lips once again as he removed both of their slacks. As he guided her down to the bed gently, his hands roamed up the sides of her body, lightly brushing her thinly covered breasts and causing her to moan with pleasure. “Mark…” she sighed, her voice quivering. Hearing his name coming from her lips only made him want her more, which Mark hadn’t thought was possible. His hands traveled back down her body and he allowed he fingers to lightly trace the edge of her panties.

She immediately tensed at the touch, growing rigid beneath him. “No…no wait,” she whispered in panic. “I don’t think I can do this.”

“Izzie…” It was like she had suddenly flipped a switch, completely shutting herself off from him.

“I’m sorry, Mark. I…I thought I was ready, but…but I’m not… I can’t…”

“Iz,” Mark said softly, his hands brushing her hair from her face. He could feel her heart beating wildly against his chest and the knowledge that he had been the one to put that fear inside of her tore him up inside. He rolled off of her so that they were side by side, looking into each other’s eyes. “Izzie, it’s okay. It’s fine if you’re not ready. I’ll give you as much time as you need…I’ll wait as long as it takes.”

Izzie closed her eyes against her tears. She felt Mark’s hand brush them away as they ran down her face. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“No, don’t be sorry. I’m sorry,” Mark said sensitively. “I should have known better. I should’ve moved more slowly…”

Izzie silenced him with a gentle kiss and his apologies were forgotten.

As they lay next to one another, Mark reflected on how relieved he was that his mere proximity didn’t make Izzie nervous. He cursed himself for his carelessness. He should have been more careful with her, but her own eagerness had caused him to drop his guard. He reminded himself how fragile she was right now, despite how strong she usually appeared to be, and how easy it would be to ruin their relationship. Fortunately, she had seemed to quickly relax in his arms, secure in the knowledge that they would take things as slowly as necessary.

Mark stroked her hair soothingly, occasionally placing light kisses on her forehead. “You better get some sleep,” he eventually whispered in the darkness. “You need to be ready for you’re first day back.” They soon fell asleep with Mark’s arms wrapped protectively around her, their warm bodies pressed gently against one another, and Izzie’s heart beating normally against his chest.




Ch 21

Alex pulled his scrub top over his head, shutting his locker door and turning to face Meredith, who was currently the only other occupant of the locker room. “Sloan’s got a breast augmentation today at 1 o’clock that I’m dying to get in on. I better not get stuck in the pit again,” he said.

Meredith looked at him with her brow furrowed. “A breast augmentation? I thought you were over plastics” she said bemusedly.

“I thought I was too, but I guess I was actually just over being Sloan’s little minion,” Alex explained. “But he’s been different lately. Not demanding and almost, well, cheery. I guess it’s…well, you know…”

“Izzie?” Meredith supplied when his thought trailed off.

“Yeah,” Alex confirmed grudgingly, his feelings concerning Mark and Izzie’s growing relationship still undecided.

“She sure does seem to have a gift of making jackasses into gentlemen,” Meredith joked, her comment aimed toward Alex.

Alex gave her a thin smile. “Funny,” he said sarcastically before going into the bathroom.

Meredith looked up when George entered the locker room moments later. “Hey George,” Meredith said.

“Hey,” he responded, looking around. “Is Izzie here yet?”

Meredith looked around as well, though she knew Izzie wasn’t in the locker room. She and Alex had been alone in there for the last ten minutes.

“No, she’s not here. Why would she be?”

“Izzie’s coming back today,” George explained happily, having been told by Izzie the day before after her meeting with the Chief.

“Seriously?” Meredith asked excitedly. “That’s great!”

At that moment, Cristina walked through the doors of the locker room. Hearing the remark, she asked curiously, “What’s great?”

“Izzie’s back,” Meredith explained.

Alex walked out of the bathroom door just in time to hear Meredith’s explanation to Cristina. “Izzie’s back?” he repeated for conformation

“I’m back,” Izzie said as she rounded the corner of their lockers. They all looked at her in surprise, and then a smile broke out on George’s face.

“Izzie!” George said, wrapping his arms around her.

Izzie laughed at his enthusiasm. “George!” she said, trying to get his attention. “George! You just saw me yesterday!”

“I know,” he mumbled against her shoulder excitedly. “But now you’re back!”

Izzie laughed again, patting George’s shoulder. “Yes, I am.”

The interns all finished changing into their scrubs, getting ready as quickly as possible. The door to the locker room opened once again and Bailey walked in. “What are you fools doing?” she asked as she stood in front of them. “Rounds started at 6 o’clock. Do you know what time it is?” They all looked at her blankly. “It’s 6:02. What are you all still doing in here?”

There was a pause as the interns all looked at her nervously. Then George said suddenly, “Izzie’s back!”

Bailey rolled her eyes at him. “Go get in the hall! All of you.” They all shut their locker doors and headed for the hallway quickly. As Izzie moved past Bailey, the resident put her hand gently on Izzie’s wrist, stopping her. “Welcome back, Stevens,” she said with a warm smile.

Izzie smiled back. “Thank you, Dr. Bailey.”

Rounds went by quickly, and Izzie found herself easily getting back into the swing of things, learning the names and faces of each patient as they moved from room to room. She found herself smiling, happy to be back at Seattle Grace, but her happiness did little to ease the feeling of nervousness in the pit of her stomach.

She couldn’t help but wonder if everyone would stare at her and whisper the details of her life over their coffee breaks, just as they had after she cut Denny’s LVAD wire. Izzie certainly hoped not. She hoped that enough time had passed for people to move beyond the need to gossip over her mental state, and that she would be able to quietly return to work.

After rounds, they stood beside the nurses’ station as Bailey called out the day’s assignments. “Grey, you’re with Burke, O’Malley to Dr. Shepherd, Karev, you’ll be with Sloan, Stevens with Dr. Montgomery, and Yang is with the other Dr. O’Malley.”

Cristina scowled. “Ortho? You’ve got to be kidding me. They barely practice medicine.”

Bailey raised her eyes at Cristina’s comment, and then looked over Cristina’s shoulder, causing the other interns to turn their heads as well.

Callie stood just beyond the group and smiled thinly as Cristina as she met her gaze. “Come on, Yang. I’ve got the perfect assignment for you.”

“Great, just what I need,” Cristina mumbled, reluctantly following Callie to the amusement of the other inters.

“What are you all laughing at?” Bailey asked loudly after hearing their chuckles at Cristina’s expense. “GO!” And with that, the interns all scrambled off to find their attendings.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Izzie carried her tray through the maze of tables in the cafeteria, feeling as though she were on top of the world. The day wasn’t even halfway over and she had already made a difference in the lives a family, spotting a potentially disabling birth defect on a sonogram. The catch earned her enthusiastic praise from Dr. Montgomery, who once again reminded her of what “an amazing gift she had for neonatology,” and a spot in the O.R. this afternoon where Dr. Montgomery was going to correct the problem with the fetus.

She spotted Meredith, Cristina, and Alex sitting at their usual table, and she walked over to join them, comforted that things hadn’t really changed while she had been gone.

“Hey,” Meredith greeted as she sat down. Noticing Izzie’s smile, she said, “You’re in a good mood.”

“Yeah,” Izzie said beaming. “I get scrub in on a spinal bifida fetal surgery with Dr. Montgomery this afternoon. I’m stoked!”

“Yeah, well I hope you enjoy that,” Cristina said grumpily. “Meanwhile, I’m stuck with ortho-chick casting whiny, acne-covered pubescents who lost their battle with gravity.”

Izzie looked questioningly at Meredith, who explained, “The Seattle skateboarding competition was this morning.”

“Oh,” Izzie said, laughing sympathetically at Cristina.

“Oh, shut it, Barbie.”

George joined their table moments later, talking giddily about a craniotomy that he was scrubbing in on after lunch. The others listened to his chatter while they ate, and Izzie reflected on how great it felt to be back at the hospital.

She was startled from her thoughts as arms wrapped around her from behind, but she smiled knowingly as she recognized the feel of the stubble that grazed her ear. “Hey,” Mark whispered softly. “I’ve missed you today.”

She turned to him with a smile, tilting her head as she looked into his face. “You just saw me this morning,” she reminded him.

“Seriously?” Cristina interrupted. “Do you think we want to watch this?”

Izzie turned toward her grumpy colleague and rolled her eyes. “Cristina, do you always have to be so cranky?”

Cristina looked at her pointedly, as though the answer was obvious. “Yes.”

Izzie shook her head amusedly and looked back at Mark. “Just ignore her.”

“I have to go prep for surgery anyway,” Mark told her. “But I have something planned for tonight. Can you meet me in front of the hospital at 7?”

“Ooh, what is it?” Izzie asked excitedly.

“It’s a surprise,” he told her, straightening up. He looked at Alex. “I’ll see you in the OR, Karev.”

Mark started to leave but changed his mind, taking Izzie’s chin in his hand and tilting her face toward his before capturing her mouth and kissing her passionately. When he straightened back up, he looked at Cristina and smiled smugly before walking off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Izzie stood in front of the mirror of the locker room, applying lip gloss. It was 7:15, and she was almost finished getting ready for her date with Mark.

Behind her, Meredith put on a light cardigan over her top and looked at Izzie. “I wonder what he has planned for you.”

“I know!” Izzie said smiling, putting her lip gloss back in her cosmetics bag. “I can’t wait!”

Meredith grinned at her roommate’s excitement, still surprised by how happy Mark was able to make Izzie. Forget all the trouble he had caused in the past. His ability to make Izzie happy more than made up for his past actions, at least in Meredith’s mind. She picked up her tote bag off the bench, shutting her locker and walking to the door.

“Alright, Iz, I’m heading out. You guys have fun tonight,” she told her.

“We will,” Izzie assured her, meeting her gaze through the mirror. “’Night Mer.”

She finished touching up her makeup and turned back toward her locker, surprised to see the room empty. She suddenly found her arms covered in chills. The scene looked eerily familiar. It had been a little over a month since the last time she had finished a shift, only to find herself alone in a locker room. A different locker room, perhaps, but the similarities of the situations caused Izzie’s heart to skip a beat, and she quickly moved to her locker to gather her things. ‘Calm down, Izzie,’ she told herself. ‘You’re in a crowed hospital. Nothing can happen to you.”

She pulled her bag from her locker and shut the door, jumping when she heard the ringing of her cell phone.

‘Jesus, you’re ridiculous,’ she thought. ‘It’s probably Mark wondering where the hell you are.’ She put her bag on the bench before her, digging through her junky mess before finally finding the phone. “Hello?”

“Izzie?”

The quiet voice was familiar, but the distraught tone made it difficult to place. “Who is this?” Izzie asked.

“It’s Madison, Madison Andrews.”

“Oh, Madison, hey,” Izzie said surprised, sitting down on the bench before her. “What’s the matter?”

“Uh…I’m sorry to call…” she said, he voice shaking with tears.

“No, don’t be sorry,” Izzie said gently. “Are you okay?”

“No,” Madison said, her voice breaking. “I need you…I need your help.”



Ch 22

She put her bag on the bench before her, digging through her junky mess before finally finding the phone. “Hello?”

“Izzie?”

The quiet voice was familiar, but the distraught tone made it difficult to place. “Who is this?” Izzie asked.

“It’s Madison, Madison Andrews.”

“Oh, Madison, hey,” Izzie said surprised, sitting down on the bench before her. “What’s the matter?”

“Uh…I’m sorry to call…” she said, he voice shaking with tears.

“No, don’t be sorry,” Izzie said gently. “Are you okay?”

“No,” Madison said, her voice breaking. “I need you…I need your help.”

“Of course,” Izzie said immediately, wishing more than anything that she could alleviate her pain. “What the matter?”

“I don’t know…I just…I guess I feel like nothing is ever going to be the same…” she told Izzie sadly, her voice so low that Izzie had to strain to hear her words.

Izzie’s heart broke for the girl on the phone, and the hopelessness she heard in Madison’s voice worried her. Had she ever sounded that despondent to her friends?

“ Madison, I know you feel that way right now, but you will move past this.”

“No…no, I don’t think I will,” Madison responded, her voice now so low that it was barely above a whisper. “I can’t even move because I feel like he’s around every corner, waiting for me. Every sound…every smell, everything reminds me of him.”

Izzie closed her eyes, hating the heartache that she could hear in Madison’s voice. “Are you alone? Are your parents there?” she asked, remembering her parents in the hospital.

“They left,” Madison said softly. “They have to go back to work tomorrow, so they drove back to Chehalis an hour ago.” Izzie hadn’t known that Madison was from Chehalis; yet another connection she had with the girl. She heard Madison pause and then say quietly. “I feel like I’m stuck in this horrible place, and everyone around me is still living life, leaving me behind…”

Izzie knew that feeling all too well, and she hated the thought of someone else having to endure that kind of pain. “ Madison, let me come over. I want to talk with you…you shouldn’t be alone right now,” Izzie told her. “I have someone waiting for me right now, and I know he would be willing to drop me off. Just tell me where you live and I’ll come right over.” There was silence on the phone for several seconds. “ Madison?”

“There’s someone waiting for you?” Madison asked finally. “You must have plans…”

“Yes, but I can do it another time,” she rushed to assure her, hearing the disappointment in her voice. “I want to…”

“No, no you should do whatever you had planned tonight,” Madison interrupted, suddenly sounding remote.

“ Madison…”

“No, I’m sorry I called,” she said, hanging up the phone.

Izzie cursed and disconnected her own line. She quickly found the last number received in her caller history and dialed, praying that Madison would answer. When the machine came on, Izzie hung up and dialed again, hoping that Madison would choose not to ignore her this time. She sighed when she once again heard the pre-recorded voice telling her to leave a message.

“Madison, it’s Izzie. Will you pick up?” She waited for several beats but there was no response. “Okay, well please call me back. I’m really worried about you,” she said, and then disconnected her phone.

Izzie sat on the bench for several moments before picking up her tote and walking to the locker room door. When she opened it, she came face to face with Mark, who was about to enter the lockers.

“Hey,” he said with surprise. “I was just coming to get you.” He wrinkled his forehead in confusion and asked, “What have you been doing in there?”

She smiled at him a little. “Nothing…don’t worry about it. Let’s just go.”

He smiled back at her, knowing something was on her mind but not wanting to push her. He took her hand in his and they walked out of the hospital, oblivious to the jealous stares they were receiving from many of the Seattle Grace employees.

In the car, Izzie asked Mark repeatedly where he was taking her, but he refused to share the information, insisting that it remain a surprise. They rode downtown and he parked in a public parking garage.

Izzie looked around. “Where are we going?” she asked again, the suspense killing her. Mark just smiled smugly at her eagerness and exited the car.

He came around to her door, opening it for her and offering her his hand to help her out. As he guided her out of the parking garage and onto the sidewalk, she burrowed closely against his shoulder as they walked, shielding herself from the cool chill of the night. Loving the feeling of her against him, he placed his arm around her shoulder in response, rubbing her arms to keep her warm.

When he lead her into a building that she didn’t recognize, she looked at him in confusion, but he just laughed and shook his head, signifying that he had no intention of telling her of the surprise. As they rode the elevator up to the top floor in comfortable silence, Izzie laid her head against his shoulder, resting comfortably.

When they finally reached the fiftieth floor, Izzie’s anticipation was overwhelming. The elevator doors opened and Mark grabbed her hand and lead her to the pair of double doors just outside of it. “Close your eyes,” he insisted.

“Mark,” Izzie complained lightheartedly, dying of suspense, but she followed his instruction.

She could hear him open the doors, and she felt him place a hand on her shoulder blades as he led her inside. Once through the doors, she could hear the soft playing of violin music and she smiled slightly in anticipation.

Her eyes were still closed, but she knew that he was right behind her. She could feel the heat coming from his body as he stood just inches away from her own. He moved closer then, so that she could feel his heart beat against her shoulder, and she tilted her head slightly to make room for his lips as they pressed against her neck, placing light kisses.

“Open your eyes,” he finally whispered, his voice warm against her ear.

She gasped when she did, looking around in surprise. The room was large, covered in hardwood floors that led to floor-to-ceiling windows which revealed breathtaking views of the Seattle skyline. The room was empty except for a lone table and chairs placed in the center of the room, and hundreds of candles placed alone the floor, lighting up the space with a beautiful amber glow. “Oh, Mark…” Izzie said breathlessly, staggered by the beauty behind his gesture. She had not expected something so extravagant, or something so romantic.

“My friend Eric, from New York, owns a chain of restaurants and he’s opening one here next month,” Mark explained softly from behind her. “When I told him about you, he was so surprised that a woman could tame me, he gladly let me use it for the night,” he said with gentle humor.

Izzie laughed softly as her eyes took in the elegant room before her. “This is amazing,” Izzie said, walking further into the room. She moved to a window that was draped in silken champagne colored curtains and looked out onto the city. “It’s so beautiful,” she said quietly as he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind.

He rested his chin on her shoulder and looked out onto the city, saying softly against her ear, “You’re so beautiful.”

She smiled and turned in his arms. “Thank you for this,” she said. “No one’s ever done anything like this for me before.” She wrapped her arms around his strong shoulders and buried her face in the crook of his neck, sighing with contentment. He held onto her, and they remained in each others arms until they were interrupted by a voice.

“Excuse me, sir, but your dinner’s ready,” a male voice said from behind them. They turned toward the voice, and saw a stylishly dressed man placing two plates onto the table in the center of the room.

“Oh, thank you,” Mark said, leading Izzie to the table as the man disappeared through a mahogany colored swinging door, which presumably led to the kitchen. “That’s one of the chefs from the restaurant in my hotel,” Mark explained as they sat down. Izzie smiled, truly appreciating the effort Mark put into this night.

“Mark, this is really wonderful. I…I don’t even know what to say,” she said.

Mark took her hand from across the table. “You don’t need to say anything, Iz. I just want you to enjoy yourself.”

They talked mostly about their childhoods throughout dinner, though Mark did most of the talking. During dessert, Mark paused in his story of his expulsion from boarding school, looking at Izzie with concern. He had noticed throughout their dinner that she seemed to be preoccupied. Hating the thought of something troubling her, he asked, “Iz, what’s the matter?”

She looked at him in surprise, shaking her head. “What do you mean?” she asked, feigning ignorance.

“Izzie, you’ve be distracted most of the night. What’s wrong?”

She sighed, relenting to his question. “Madison Andrews called me earlier tonight when I was in the locker room. She was really upset…desperate, even. I’m just worried about her.” Izzie leaded back in her chair, absently running her fingers through her golden locks. “She asked for my help, Mark, but she hung up before I could get her address. I just hope she’s okay.”

“I’m sure she’s alright,” Mark assured her, rubbing the top of her hand with his thumb. “Maybe she’ll call back tomorrow.”

“Maybe…” Izzie said, but her voice conveyed her skepticism.

Hating the look of worry on her face, he said, “Well, lets go see her. We’ll make sure she’s okay.”

Izzie looked at him questioningly. “I told you, I didn’t get her address.”

Mark smiled with playful arrogance. “That’s why your lucky you have me.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They had drove back to Seattle Grace after leaving the restaurant, and they walked straight to the elevators, taking one down to the basement towards the records office. The hallway was dark and quiet, and they found a fifty-something woman sitting at a desk, flipping through a magazine as she worked the graveyard shift all alone.

Izzie stayed by the door of the office as Mark entered, flashing a smile at the surprised woman. “Good evening…Liz” he said charmingly after glancing at her Seattle Grace ID tag and sitting in the chair across from her desk.

“Uh, hi,” she said hesitantly, almost sounding nervous.

“I’m Mark Sloan. Dr. Sloan,” he said to clarify as he showed her his ID. “And I need a record from you.”

“Okay…” she said, pushing her overly large eyeglasses higher on her nose.

“It’s Madison Andrews. She was discharged yesterday,” Mark explained.

Liz nodded and stood up, turning to the file cabinet which contained all the records of patients who had yet to be officially filed. She pulled the correct one out, flipping it open and skimming the pages. “Uh, you’re not the doctor listed on her chart.”

Not missing a beat, Mark smiled alluringly at her again. “That’s right,” he said, “but she is going to need some reconstructive work, and, as the head of plastics here, I will be her doctor from now on.”

“Oh, okay,” Liz said with a nervous smile, his charm seeming to melt away her apprehension. She handed the file to Mark, and he proceeded to locate Madison’s address on the paper before him.

Committing it to his memory, he pretended to scan the rest of the chart and then handed it back to Liz. “Okay, Liz, that’s all I need. Thanks for your help.”

“Oh, uh, okay…sure. No problem,” she said, smiling flirtatiously at him.

Seeing this flirtation, Izzie stepped into the room for the first time, lacing her arm through Mark’s. “Well, good night then,” Izzie told the woman, and she and Mark left the office.

On the way to the car, Mark looked at Izzie with a smile. “I think someone was a little jealous back there…”

Izzie looked at him and said defensively, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Ha!” he said, mocking her.

“Oh please, what would I be jealous about?” she asked stubbornly.

“Right, like you couldn’t see the sparks flying between us,” he teased.

She shoved his shoulder playfully. “Shut up,” she said with a laugh. Sobering up, she asked, “Did you get Madison’s address?”

“Of course I did,” he relied smugly.

Madison’s apartment was normally fifteen minutes from Seattle Grace, but with Mark’s speed and a lack of traffic, they made it in eight. Mark parked in a visitors spot, and they climbed the outside staircase to the second floor, easily finding Madison’s apartment.

Izzie rang the doorbell, and when there was no answer, she knocked loudly yelling, “ Madison, it’s Izzie. I came to check on you.”

Still getting no reply, she went to a window to the right of the door, pressing her face against the glass and straining to see beyond the blinds. “I can’t see anything,” she mumbled frustratingly.

Beside her, Mark tested the door knob, surprised to find it turning easily in his hand. “Izzie…” he said.

Izzie looked in his direction, and uncertainty filled her face when she saw him turning the knob and push the door open slightly. “That’s weird…” she said.

She started to go in, but Mark stopped her. “No, let me go first,” he said, assuming the possibility of danger.

They walked through the front door, and found everything seemingly in place. The apartment was small and orderly, and there were no apparent signs of struggle. “ Madison?” Izzie called out. “Are you home? It’s Izzie and Mark.”

Mark walked into the bedroom that was neighboring the living area and Izzie followed close behind him. He walked over to a window, looking down into the parking lot. “Well, there’s a car parked in the space assigned to her apartment,” he noted. “Maybe someone picked her up. She probably didn’t want to be alone.”

“Yeah, probably not,” Izzie said knowingly, remembering how lonely Madison had seemed during their phone call.

Mark walked over to the dresser, looking at the framed photos displaying happy times in Madison’s life. He hoped that Izzie would get the chance to know the cheerful, free spirited woman in these photographs – he hoped that the night outside of Joe’s hadn’t broken Madison’s spirit for good. He knew that helping Madison would, in turn, help heal Izzie’s own spirit.

“Mark!” Izzie called from behind him, jarring him from his thoughts. Mark turned, started by her alarm, and ran through the door from which her voice was emanating.

Inside, he found Izzie leaning over a bathtub, frantically pulling a wet, naked Madison from a tub filled with crimson-colored water.


Ch. 23

“Oh Jesus,” Mark whispered when he found Izzie pulling Madison’s unconscious body from the bathtub.

“Help me!” Izzie screamed at him frantically, struggling to get Madison’s body over the ledge of the tub.

Mark ran over to her side, taking the alarmingly pale girl from Izzie’s arms and lifting her completely out of the blood filled water that had long since cooled. He laid the girl on the ground and placed his fingers to her neck, feeling for a pulse that he knew was not there.

Izzie felt her heart sink when he shook his head negatively at her, indicating that he couldn’t find a pulse. She stared momentarily in shock, but quickly shook herself out of her daze and rose to her knees over Madison’s frail body. She began chest compressions, frantically pushing on the girl’s chest in an effort to restore her life.

“Izzie…” Mark said gently from behind her, placing his hand on her shoulder.

She shrugged his hand off aggressively. “Help me, Mark!” she said desperately.

“Izzie, there’s nothing we can do,” he told her, staring at the deep, vertical incisions on Madison’s wrists. “Look in the bathtub. She had to have been in there for at least a couple of hours. She’s lost too much blood. ”

“No! No, there has to be something we can do! We’re doctors. It’s our job to save people,” she said almost hysterically as she continued to pump Madison’s chest.

Mark sighed, taking Izzie shoulders in his hands and forcefully turning her body around to face him. “You know that we can’t save everyone,” he told her gently. “It’s too late for Madison.”

Izzie stared at him, her breathing irregular from the exertion of trying to save the frail girl before her. “We have to try…you don’t know that it’s too late,” she said, trying to force her way out of his arms as tears filled her eyes.

“Izzie, it is. I sorry, but she’s gone,” he said gently.

The blood in Izzie’s face drained away as Mark’s words truly sank in, causing her face to became nearly as pale as Madison’s.

Mark worried that Izzie was going to faint, so he quickly stood up, scooping her into his arms and carrying her into the living area so that she was no longer near the lifeless body in the adjoining bathroom.

“I’m going to call for an ambulance,” he said quietly to her. She nodded her head lightly, staring straight ahead.

Mark walked to the bedroom door and took out his cell phone to dial 911. While he reported the details to the operator quietly, he glanced over at Izzie to make sure that she was okay. She was still very pale, and her ashen coloring contrasted the scarlet blood stains on her clothes and skin. Mark worried about the slight tremors that shook her body, and he noticed that her breathing still had not returned to normal. ‘She’s in shock,’ he thought. He knew the best thing for her would be to get her out of this apartment, to take her home and clean her off, but they couldn’t leave until the proper authorities arrived.

When he hung up the phone, he walked over to where Izzie was seated on the couch and he sat on the coffee table so that he was directly across from her. “Iz, are you okay?” he asked softly.

She looked at him momentarily before nodding her head.

Mark took her hands in his and felt them tremble. He squeezed them gently, saying, “The ambulance is on its way, and we can leave after they get here. It’s just going to be a few more minutes.”

“I should’ve been here,” Izzie mumbled, but her voice was so faint that Mark missed her words.

“What?” he asked.

Izzie sighed and shook her head. “Nothing,” she said quietly.

The paramedics arrived ten minutes later and Mark let them in the apartment. “Are you guys okay?” one of them asked, noticing the blood that had gotten on their clothes when they had pulled Madison from the bathtub.

“We’re okay,” Mark assured them. “She’s in here,” he said, leading them into Madison’s bedroom.

Izzie heard him emerge a few minutes later. “Izzie, are you ready to go?” he asked quietly, kneeling down in front of her. “I left them my contact information in case they had any questions, but I told them I needed to get you home.”

She nodded her head numbly in response. He helped her stand up, and she leaned against him, allowing him to support her weight.

The drive back to the house was done in silence. Mark frequently glanced at Izzie out of the corner of his eye, checking to make sure that she was alright…to make sure that she was keeping to together.

He parked in the driveway and they walked to the front door of the house. He took her purse from her hands, finding her keys and testing several before inserting the right one into the lock.

Meredith and Derek were in the living room watching a movie when Mark and Izzie walked into the foyer. The couple on the couch glanced up from the film and Meredith asked, “Hey did you guys have fun tonight?”

Before Mark or Izzie could answer, Meredith got a closer look at them and her eyes widened. Jumping off the couch, she rushed to the foyer to stand in front of her friends. “Oh my god, Iz, what happened to you guys?” she asked, carefully touching the blood stains on Izzie’s hands and clothes.

“It’s not mine,” Izzie said quietly, looking down at the floor as Derek joined them in the hallway, visually inspecting the two with surprise. Meredith looked questioningly at Mark when Izzie didn’t elaborate on her explanation.

“Madison Andrews committed suicide tonight,” Mark explained quietly, placing his hands on Izzie shoulders when he saw her flinch at his words.

“I’m going to go take a shower,” she said suddenly, avoiding their gazes as she made her way to the staircase, disappearing from their view at the top of the steps.

“Oh my god, I can’t believe that. How did you know that she killed herself?” Meredith asked when Izzie was out of sight, bewildered by this new event.

The three of them walked into the living room so that Mark could explain

“Apparently Madison called Izzie earlier tonight wanting to talk with her, but she changed her mind before Izzie could get her address,” he said as they sat on the couch. Rubbing his tired eyes with his palms, he continued, “Iz was worried about her throughout dinner, so we got her address from the hospital and went to check on her. Izzie…Izzie found her in the bathtub.” Mark then told them about Izzie’s frantic attempt to revive Madison, explaining that she had been in a shocked state since recognizing that the girl’s life was truly beyond recovery.

“Oh my god,” Derek said quietly.

“Poor Iz,” Meredith said as she closed her eyes.

They realized that Izzie was finished in the shower when the water cut off moments later. Izzie’s footsteps echoed on the ceiling above them as she walked from the bathroom to her room and Mark stood up and said, “I’m going to go check on her.”

He found Izzie’s door shut when he reached the top of the stairs so he knocked lightly before turning the knob. Izzie was sitting on her bed wrapped in a towel, and she looked up when she heard Mark enter the room.

“Hey,” Mark said quietly, shutting the door behind him.

“Hey.”

Mark walked over to Izzie’s bed and sat down beside her, and they remained silent for several moments. “I should have been with her, Mark,” Izzie said eventually in a soft tone.

“Izzie…”

“I should have,” Izzie interrupted loudly, unable to handle Mark’s sympathetic nature. “Madison was all alone, and she needed someone to be there for her. She asked me for help, and I…I let her down.”

“No, Izzie, you wanted to help her,” Mark said while shaking his head. “You tried. You even risked you life for her when you scared off her attacker outside of Joe’s. You did everything you could for her.”

“No, I could have done something more. I should have done something more. She didn’t have anyone there for her like I did. She needed me.”

“Iz, if Madison had really wanted help, she would have let you help her when she called. Having your friends helped you get better, but you had to accept that support. It was you who decided to let yourself heal, and it was Madison who chose not to. You can’t blame yourself for her decision.”

A tear escaped from Izzie’s eye as she listened to Mark’s words. “I just can’t stop thinking about how I was having one of the best nights of my life while Madison was ending hers…” she whispered, her voice cracking.

He reached over to wipe off the tear that was slowly sliding down her face. Izzie laid her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes, emotionally exhausted. “I’m trying so hard to hold it together, Mark, but I don’t know how much more I can…I can handle,” she said quietly, her voice breaking with emotion. “I’m just so…so tired…and I…I don’t think I can…I can…”

The rest of Izzie’s words were lost as she began to sob against his shoulder. Mark sighed sadly, hating the torture that Izzie was putting herself through. He pulled her onto his lap, cradling her as she wept against him. “Shh, it’s going to be okay, Iz. I promise that you’ll get through this. We’ll get through this. Together.” He rubbed her back soothingly, whispering words of comfort until she eventually relaxed.

When her weeping finally ceased and her breathing became regular, Mark looked down and realized that she had cried herself to sleep. He stood up with her still in his arms and carried her to the side of the bed that he knew she preferred. Placing her under the sheets still wrapped in her towel, he covered her with the comforter and lightly brushed back a few blonde curls that had fallen across her face.

Mark slipped out of the room quietly, shutting the door behind him and heading for the bathroom. He intercepted Derek and Meredith as they reach the top of the stairs on their way to bed.

“How is she?” Meredith asked.

“She’s asleep now but…she’s blaming herself for what happened. I can’t stand watching her feel so guilty,” Mark said frustratingly.

“You’ll get her through this,” Derek told him confidently, placing his hand on Mark’s shoulder supportively.

Meredith nodded in agreement with Derek. “We’ll all be there for her,” she promised. Mark nodded appreciatively. “’Night, Mark,” she said, taking Derek’s hand in her own and walking toward their bedroom.

Mark said goodnight in return and watched them walk down the hall. He then continued on to the bathroom, taking a towel from the linen closet and shutting the door behind him. The bathroom was still warm and smelled of a florally shampoo, and he took a deep breath, inhaling the scent the smelled so much like Izzie.

Izzie. How could he convince her that Madison’s suicide wasn’t her fault? She had overcome too much just to let herself be defeated at this point.

He quickly stripped off his clothes and turned on the shower, waiting for the water to warm up before stepping under the powerful spray. As he let the water run over his body, he thought about how devastated Izzie had been over the loss of Denny Duquette, and how long it had taken her to move past that hurt. Obviously Izzie’s relationship with Madison was in no way similar to the one she’d had with Denny, but Mark still couldn’t help but hope that she wouldn’t let herself be that strongly affected by a patient again.

He slipped into Izzie’s bed several minutes later, moving carefully so that he wouldn’t wake her. Mark’s thoughts drifted back to when he had first moved to Seattle. He had immediately heard the rumors about Isobel Stevens, the beautiful model-turned surgeon who had fallen in love with a cardio patient, only to have him die shortly after he’d proposed. Mark had been impressed when he’d heard the lengths she had gone to in order to save the man’ life, certainly not because he had condoned her actions, but because he was intrigued by the idea that love could be so strong that it could drive you to do the unthinkable. At the time, Mark had no real concept of the kind of feelings that Izzie must have experienced. He had never bought into the whole “love conquers all” bullshit. To him, that was just a cliché, and the only cliché that Mark Sloan could accept was that “misery loves company,” which had been the reason for his endless string of meaningless affairs. But now, only months later, Mark understood the kind of love that Izzie must have felt with Denny. He now knew what it felt like to feel so strongly about a person, you would do anything to take away their pain and suffering. Izzie had given him that gift: she had unknowingly inspired him to lower his protective barrier so that he could experience love for the first time in his life.

Ch. 24

Izzie woke Mark up the next morning by placing a soft kiss on his lips. “What time is it?” he questioned sleepily when she pulled back, opening his eyes to discover the room still dark.

“It’s 5:30,” she whispered. “I’m leaving for the hospital now…I have rounds in half an hour, but I’m sure I’ll see you later on today,” she told him, standing up from where she had been leaning across the bed.

At her explanation, Mark sat up, allowing his eyes to adjust to the darkness. “Oh…are you sure you want to go to work? Richard would understand if your want to take the day off.”

“No, no I don’t want to do that,” she said quickly. “I need to work…the distraction will be good for me.” Mark frowned, knowing that she was not nearly as okay as she was pretending to be. Before he could protest further, though, she leaned down and kissed him once again and swiftly left the room.

Izzie hurried down stairs, finding Meredith in the kitchen. “Good morning,” she said, pouring herself a cup of coffee in a travel mug.

“Hey, Iz,” Meredith said softly, her mouth full of the cold leftover pizza that she was eating for breakfast. Meredith studied Izzie for several moments. “Are you okay?” she asked gently.

“I’m fine,” Izzie rushed to assure her. Wanting to change the topic of discussion, she said, “You know, Mer, you really should eat something healthier than that for breakfast. I could make something.”

Meredith gave her a look, silently telling her that she didn’t buy Izzie’s claim of being ‘fine.’ She made no comment, though, choosing only to answer Izzie’s question by saying, “No thanks, I’m about done with breakfast.”

Meredith and Izzie drove to the hospital together, neither one bringing up Madison during the ride. Meredith could see that Izzie was feigning cheerfulness, trying to act like nothing was wrong, but the Izzie-smile didn’t quite meet her eyes like it normally did.

At the hospital, they entered the locker room with just enough time to change before rounds. “Burke wants me to wear a veil at the wedding,” Cristina complained the moment they entered the locker room. “Can you believe that? A veil. It’s only because his stupid mother told him I should,” she said as Meredith and Izzie walked to their lockers. “I mean, cut the cord already. He’s a grown man, for god’s sake. He doesn’t have to listen to everything Mommy says. You know, if he wants a veil, he should have to wear it.”

“Cristina, you need to compromise,” Meredith admonished, causing Cristina to glare at her. George and Alex tuned them out, having already had to endure her wedding complaints that morning.

“Compromise, my ass,” Cristina muttered. “You know, I have done nothing but compromise throughout this entire ordeal. I mean, I never wanted to get married, but I am. I didn’t want the ring but I’m wearing it. I never wanted a big ceremony, yet we’re still having one. I thought a wedding was supposed to be the bride’s day?” Looking over to where Izzie was silently putting on her scrubs, she said, “Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to be, Martha Stewart?”

“Huh?” Izzie asked distractedly, having been lost in her own thoughts.

“Weddings. You know, the bride’s day. Come on, get with it. What’s wrong with you?” Cristina asked her, her eyes narrowing as she inspected Izzie.

“Nothing’s wrong, I’m fine,” she said, pasting a smile on her face and shooting Meredith a look to said ‘keep your mouth shut.’ The last thing Izzie wanted was more sympathetic looks from her friends, or even worse, being assigned to work scut all day. She just wanted things to return to normal, for people to stop treating her as if she were going to fall apart if they didn’t handle her with kid gloves.

“Whatever,” Cristina said in response to Izzie’s claim, turning to Meredith to vent more about the tribulations of her upcoming nuptials.

George walked over to Izzie. Having also noticed her pained expression, he leaned in and whispered, “Are you sure you’re okay? Cause, you seem, well…you know, not okay,” he said.

Izzie smiled at him. “George, I’m fine.” He looked at her skeptically so she emphasized her claim, saying, “Really, I am. Cristina’s the one we should be worried about. I mean, look at her,” she said, pointing to where Cristina’s arms were flailing in the air as she complained about Burke’s mom. “I think the wedding is making her go a little crazy,” Izzie whispered.

George glanced quickly at Cristina before turning back to his best friend. He saw through her attempt to transfer his attention onto Cristina, and he wasn’t going to let her get off that easily. “But are you sure that you’re okay? You don’t really seem like yourself this morning. You seem kind of preoccupied.”

“George, I’m fine,” Izzie repeated irritably, getting annoyed with his pestering.

She was saved when Dr. Bailey entered the locker room, yelling, “Why is it always my interns who are late for rounds? Yang, Grey, quit gossiping in the corner. All of you better be out in the hall in 5 seconds or you’ll all be working scut.” As the interns all flew past her out the door, she muttered, “Fools,” and followed them into the hallway.

As they floated from room to room, George grew more worried about Izzie as he observed her. Sure, she was putting up a front, trying to convince the outside world that she was happy, but George could tell there was something off about her today. He couldn’t help but wonder what had happened since yesterday when she had been so cheerfully optimistic. She’d had a great first day back, and she had been so excited about her secretive date with…oh, with McSteamy. ‘That explains it. That has to be it,’ George thought, his mind racing with the possibilities of how Sloan could have, once again, broken another woman’s heart. His blood boiled as he thought about Sloan insulting her or, even worse, pushing her to do something sexual that she wasn’t yet ready for.

They entered Mitchell Donavan’s room and gathered around his bed. Cristina, Izzie, and Meredith were on one side of comatose Mr. Donovan, and George, Alex, and Bailey remained on the side of the bed that was closest to the door. While Cristina presented the case with her usual accuracy, George leaned over to Alex and whispered, “Hey, have you heard anything about Izzie and Sloan today?” Alex gave George a confused look and shook his head, so George continued. “It’s just that they had that big date last night and now…now Izzie seems upset. I think something must have happened.”

Alex looked across Mr. Donavan’s bed to where Izzie stood. The remote look on her face was a dead give away for her obvious distraction. Izzie always became distracted when something was troubling her, and Alex could tell that she was upset now, just as George had said. His face tightened with anger as he thought about Mark Sloan hurting Izzie. Alex had known this was going to happen from the very beginning. Sloan’s reputation for being a womanizer was no exaggeration, but Alex had given the guy the benefit of the doubt because Izzie had seemed happy when she was with him, and because she had seemed to bring out the good side in the otherwise arrogant plastic surgeon. Now Alex knew that it was a mistake to give Sloan a second chance. He should have trusted his instincts; if he’d only been more protective of Izzie from the beginning, maybe she wouldn’t be hurting right now.

Alex and George weren’t the only one’s to notice Izzie’s lack of focus. When Bailey saw her staring into space, lost in her own thoughts, she said, “Stevens, is Mr. Donavan’s case not interesting enough for you?”

“What?” Izzie said, struggling to rid her mind of the constant images of Madison’s dead body on the bathroom floor. “No...no of course not. I was just…I’m sorry…I…it won’t happen again.”

“You’re right, it won’t happen again,” Bailey said with a sigh. “I think I let you jump back into work too fast. Go down to the E.R…you’re on scut for the rest of your shift.”

“What?” Izzie asked disheartened, her voice quivering. “But Dr. Bailey…”

Bailey raised her eyebrows and said, “Did that sound like a question to you?”

“No, but…”

“No buts. Go, Stevens,” Bailey said gently, feeling the need to remain sensitive when she saw the tears in the young doctor's eyes. Izzie sighed with frustration, avoiding the gazes of the other interns as she left the room in silence to go down to the ER.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hours later, Alex and George walked over to their usual table in the center of the cafeteria to join Cristina, who had already begun her lunch. “Hey,” she said, looking up from her hot dog as the men sat down, already involved in a conversation.

“Unbelievable! He’s unbelievable,” George muttered as he took his seat, causing Cristina to look at him with confusion.

“What’s got Bambi’s panties all in a bunch?” Cristina asked Alex through a mouth full of hot dog.

“Why am I even surprised that he’s already hurt her?” George continued, unaffected by Cristina’s comment. “Really, I should be surprised that he hadn’t screwed up before now.”

“Who’s he talking about?” she asked, again directing her question to Alex.

“Sloan,” Alex grumbled, as though uttering the man’s name revolted him. “They’ve been together for what, like a week, and he’s already screwing with her head. That dude’s unbelievable,” he concluded venomously as Meredith joined the table.

“What are you guys talking about?” she asked.

Alex opened his mouth to vent once again, but shut it as he saw Mark approaching their table. His jaw tightened as Mark sat down across from him, asking the interns, “Hey, have you guys seen Izzie? I was hoping to find her here.”

“You better leave her alone, Sloan,” George said threateningly.

Mark narrowed his eyes at George in confusion. “And why is that, O’Malley?”

“You know why,” Alex jumped in. “We’ve always known that Izzie is too good for you, and now you’ve proven it.”

“Alex!” Meredith said, surprised at her friend’s cruel words.

“Stay out of this, Grey,” Alex growled, not even sparing her a glance.

“Yeah, Mer, stay out of it,” Cristina whispered, grinning at the growing confrontation.

“Look Sloan, I know you feel the need to screw with every woman you meet, but leave her alone. She doesn’t need your crap right now,” Alex warned.

Mark was losing his patience with the intern. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Karev, but I suggest you lose the attitude,” he said sternly.

Alex laughed bitterly, leaning across the table toward Mark. In a low, angry voice he said, “You may be my boss in the O.R, but right now I’m talking to you as a man concerned about his friend, so you listen closely. You do not get to fuck with Izzie Stevens without severe consequences, do you understand? I will seriously kick your ass if I find out that you hurt her again.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Mark asked with a mixture of anger and confusion.

“Yes, what are you talking about, Alex?” Meredith asked, suddenly defensive of Mark.

“I’m talking about the fact that Izzie is making every effort to move on with her life you’re making it impossible,” Alex said, glaring at Mark. “She was fine yesterday. She was just like the old Izzie, but now she’s a mess again, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this change in her attitude came the day after the special night you planned. What’d you do to her, Sloan? Because I swear, if you so much as laid a finger on her before she was ready, I‘ll kill you.”

Mark jumped up abruptly at Alex’s words. “Hurt her? I would never hurt her,” he said defensively. When George snorted disbelievingly, Mark blurted out, “I could never hurt her because I’m in love with her!”

The interns all froze at his words, staring at him in shock. “You...you’re…you’re what?” George stuttered doubtfully.

Mark sighed and sat back down, running his hands through his hair with frustration but stating more calmly, “I know it may be hard for you to believe, but I am in love with her. It really shouldn’t be that shocking, though. She does seem to have that effect on people,” he said, looking pointedly to Alex who, in response, looked down at his plate to avoid Mark’s glare.

As the bombshell sank in, Meredith smiled warmly at Mark. “I think it’s great,” she told him. “You make her happy, and that’s all that matters.”

A brief silence fell over the table once again before George blurted out, “Well what’s the matter with her then?” He looked perplexed as he considered his own question. “Even though she doesn’t want to talk about it, we can tell she’s obviously upset about something.”

Mark looked at Meredith, surprised that she hadn’t told the other interns about the previous night’s events. Meredith simply shrugged, so Mark explained warily, “Madison Andrew’s committed suicide last night.”

George and Alex’s eyes widened at Mark’s announcement, but Cristina simply looked confused. “Who’s Madison Andrews?” she asked.

“The girl who was raped outside of Joe’s,” Meredith explained softly, giving her a knowing look.

“Oh,” Cristina said. “Oh god.” The rest of the table was remained quiet for several moments, no one knowing what to say.

Seconds later, Izzie walked up with her lunch in hand and she pulled up a chair so that she could join them at the table. “Hey guys,” she said as she sat down, giving Mark a quick kiss.

They could tell that she was trying to sound cheerful, but her tone was a dead giveaway for how tired she was.

She picked up her sandwich to take a bite, but froze when she noticed their sympathetic stares. “What?” she asked, becoming aware of the tension at the table. “What’s going on?”

“Iz, we…we just heard about Madison. I’m…we’re so sorry,” George said hesitantly.

Izzie looked momentarily between Mark and Meredith. She didn’t blame them for saying anything. Obviously Madison’s death wasn’t a secret, and it was only a matter of time before the others found out. Now that they had, though, she knew that she would have to, once again, endure their unbearable concern for her.

“Guys, I’m fine,” she said with a smile, though her voice shook a little with emotion. “Really, you don’t need to worry about me.”

“We can’t help but worry about you, Iz,” Meredith said quietly, causing Izzie’s false smile to falter.

“Yeah, we’re concerned because we love you,” George said softly. Izzie closed her as her tear ducts suddenly betrayed her by filling with moisture. “And we know that you’re not fine. I saw the way you were with Madison. There’s no way that her death isn’t affecting you. We all know how…”

“George!” Izzie suddenly yelled, angry that he was trying to force her to face something that she just wanted to forget. “Stop it! All of you just…just stop it. I’m so sick of having you all constantly watching over me.” She knew that she sounded harsher than she intended, but she was suddenly unable to control herself. She continued with her angry plea, unaware of the tears sliding down her face. “I’m fine, okay? I’ve been fine, and this doesn’t change anything. So just stop!”

She jumped up from the table, grabbing her lunch and depositing it in the trash as she left of the cafeteria. Mark sighed in frustration as he watched her walk out.

“Well, that could have gone better,” Meredith mumbled, causing Alex to grunt in agreement.

“Why can’t she just admit that she’s hurting?” George asked, talking to no one in particular. “Why won’t she let us help her?”

“She might not think that she needs our help,” Mark said, “but I have an idea that might make things easier for her.” Unconcerned with the vagueness of his statement, he stood up from the table to leave the cafeteria, but he had a sudden thought, causing him to turn around and address the table of interns. “Could you guys not mention the whole love thing to Izzie?” he asked uncomfortably. They all nodded in agreement, forcing themselves to hide their amusement, and watched him walk away.

“Awe, McSteamy’s in love,” Cristina sang mockingly when he was out of earshot, causing Alex and George to smirk.

“God, you’re such a bitch,” Meredith said laughingly.

[LW107]

This chapter begins a few weeks after the last one ended.

Chapter 25

It was 4:15 in the morning. If it were a normal morning, her alarm clock would be rudely jarring her from sleep an hour from now so that she could get ready for work, but today was not a normal day. Today was an abnormal day. Today was the day of Jason Dole’s trial.

She had been staring at the ceiling for hours now. Occasionally, she had tried to close her eyes in a useless attempt at falling asleep. It wasn’t that she wasn’t tired; she was exhausted. Every time she closed her eyes, though, images of Jason Dole came barreling at her like a high speed train, causing her eyes to snap open just before an imaginary collision.

Knowing that sleep was a hopeless endeavor, she sat up cautiously, careful not to disturb the slumbering figure next to her. Rising from the bed, she wrapped herself in her soft robe and left the room silently, tiptoeing downstairs towards the kitchen. She filled a teakettle with water and put it on the stove, waiting for it to boil so that she could pour it over her teabag.

“Hey,” Mark’s said quietly behind her, causing her to jump with surprise. He smiled apologetically for startling her and asked, “Couldn’t sleep?”

“Oh, hey. No…no, I couldn’t. I’m sorry, did I wake you?” she asked as he walked up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist.

“No, you didn’t,” he answered as he placed his cheek against hers. “I guess I just can’t sleep alone anymore.”

Izzie smiled at his claim, turning in his arms to look up at him. “Well, it’s a good thing we don’t have to worry about that,” she said as she wrapped her arms around his neck before touching her lips softly to his.

Their kiss was interrupted by the whistling of the kettle behind them, and Izzie turned around and moved quickly to remove it from the burner before the loud shrill could travel upstairs, waking Meredith and Derek.

“Are you ready for today?” Mark asked her she poured the hot water into a mug.

She laughed sardonically. “What do you think?”

Mark smiled thinly and nodded. “Right, stupid question. Sorry,” he said. “At least this is almost over.”

“Yeah,” she admitted quietly, taking her cup of tea to the counter and sitting down. Mark followed her, leaning against the counter top next to her stool. “You don’t have to stay up with me, Mark,” she said. “You still have a couple of hours to sleep. I don’t have to be at the courthouse until 8:30.”

“I already told you I can’t sleep alone,” he told her with a smile. “How about you come back upstairs with me? Even if we can’t go to sleep, we’ll just lay together. You look exhausted, Iz. You should at least try to get a little rest.”

She smiled at him, appreciating his chivalrous attempt at taking care of her. “Okay,” she relented, taking his outstretched hand and following him up the stairs. They climbed back into bed, facing one another in the dark room. Mark put his arms around her body, enveloping her with his arms. As she listened to the steady beat of his heart against her ear, she felt herself relaxing and giving in to her exhaustion.

It wasn’t long before he noticed her breathing become regular. He smiled as he heard her sigh contently in her sleep, and he kissed the top of her head. “I love you,” he whispered as she obliviously slumbered against him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Mark and Izzie arrived at the courthouse at 8:30 as requested and met Caroline Robertson in the lobby.

“Caroline, this is my…err…this is Mark,” Izzie said awkwardly. “And Mark, this is Caroline Robertson, the ADA trying the case.”

Mark and Caroline shook hands and then Caroline led them to the second floor, taking them into a small room and telling them to have a seat.

“You have to stay in this room while you wait to testify,” she explained. “You’re not allowed in the courtroom until you give your testimony because we don’t want your answers to be affected by something said at the beginning of the trial.”

“Oh, okay,” Izzie said. “Will we be in here long?”

“It shouldn’t be too long,” Caroline said. “We’re scheduled to start at nine and the jury was selected yesterday so we’ll begin directly with opening arguments. The prosecution presents our case first, and you’re the first witness on our list. But I’m afraid you won’t be able to stay with her, Mark. Only witnesses are allowed in here once the trial begins.”

“Um, alright,” Mark said reluctantly, squeezing Izzie’s hand. He leaned over to her and whispered, “You can do this, Iz. This is it. It’s over after today,” he promised. He kissed her gently on the cheek, lingering longer than necessary because he was hesitant to leave her.

“I’ll be okay,” she whispered, sensing his unwillingness to leave. He smiled at her brave front and nodded. Standing up, he walked to the door and shut it quietly behind him.

He was about to walk in to the adjacent courtroom when he heard someone call his name behind him. Turning around, he saw Addison and Alex walking toward him.

“Mark, hey,” Addison said as they caught up with him.

“Hey,” he said with surprise. “What are you guys doing here?”

“She has to testify since she was the doctor who did the exam,” Alex explained, nodding toward Addison. “And I wouldn’t miss seeing that bastard go to jail for the world.” Mark nodded understandingly, appreciating the venom Alex clearly had reserved for Jason Dole. Despite any hostilities the two men might harbor toward one another, they had a common bond in their protectiveness for Izzie and in their hatred for the man who hurt her.

“Where’s Izzie?” Addison asked gently, knowing what a difficult day the young intern was about to face.

“She’s in there,” Mark said, indicating the room he had just left. “All the witnesses have to wait in there for their turn to testify.”

“Oh, well I guess that’s where I need to be,” Addison said, yet she remained where she was. Having heard about their very public argument in the cafeteria a few weeks prior, she was unsure whether it was okay to leave Alex and Mark alone.

“We’re not going to kill each other, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Alex said, as though he’d read her mind.

She smiled at him. “I know that,” she said sheepishly. “I was just…uh, well…oh! Meredith!” she said with relief as Meredith walked up to the three of them. “Good, you’re here.”

“Of course I am,” Meredith said. “George is coming, too, but he’s going to be a little late. Where’s Izzie?” she asked, looking around the hallway. Mark told her that she was waiting to testify. Concerned, she asked, “How’s she doing? I had to run to the hospital this morning and she was in the shower when I left the house so I didn’t get a chance to talk to her.”

“She seems okay,” he said with a sigh. “But…I don’t know. I’m sure she’s scared out of her mind.” Looking at his watch, he said, “We better go on in. It’s almost 9.”

Alex and Meredith nodded in agreement and went into the courtroom. Mark hesitated, though, and said to Addison, “I’m glad that you’re going to be with her. I hate the idea of her waiting in there alone.”

She smiled reassuringly at Mark, realizing the full extent of his feelings for Izzie Stevens. “I’ll take care of her, Mark,” she promised, and he nodded appreciatively, turning to follow Meredith and Alex into the courtroom.

Addison walked over to the room that Mark had indicated was for witnesses and turned the knob. Izzie looked up with surprise when she walked in. “Dr. Montgomery, what are you doing here?” she asked.

“We’re calling her as a witness,” Caroline explained when Addison sat down at the table next to Izzie. “She’s going to present the medical evidence.”

“Oh,” Izzie said quietly.

Caroline gathered up her notes that she had been going over with Izzie and placed them back into her briefcase. “Alright ladies, do you two need anything before I leave?” Both women shook their heads. “Okay, well, I’ll see you in the courtroom then.” She looked down at Izzie, whose nervousness clearly showed. Frowning, she asked, “Izzie? Are you ready?” Izzie nodded her head unconvincingly and Caroline looked at her critically. “Are you sure? Because you’re the most important witness. Without you, there’s no case, so you have to be ready.”

“I’m ready,” she said, making an effort to sound believable.

Caroline studied her for another moment before relenting. “Okay then. Good luck,” she said with a reassuring smile, and turned to leave the room.

When the door had been shut firmly, Izzie turned to Addison with a look of panic on her face. “I can’t believe this day is already here,” she said, shaking her head with wonder. “It’s always seemed so far away and now…well, now here we are.”

“Just think how soon it will be over,” Addison said soothingly, recognizing the terror in the normally quirky intern. “You know, he can’t hurt you in there, Izzie. There will be security watching his every move. There’s no way he’ll be able to get to you.”

“Yeah, I know” Izzie said softy. “I guess it’s just the idea of being that close to him,” she admitted, her eyes filling with tears. “I hate that I’m going to have to sit so close to him. That I’m going to have to look at him. That he’s going to be able to look at me. And most of all, I hate…”

“What?” Addison asked gently when Izzie trailed off. “You hate what, Izzie?”

“I hate that Mark is going to be there,” Izzie whispered, reluctant to verbalize her confession.

Addison stared at her in confusion. “Why, Izzie? Why don’t you want Mark there?”

“Because this is humiliating!” Izzie erupted suddenly with a quivering voice. “I don’t want Mark to know what he did to me! I mean, I realize he knows, but hearing about it is different. What if he doesn’t want to be with me after he…after he hears about it…?”

“Izzie…” Addison said with a sympathetic tone, surprised by the younger woman’s insecurities. “Izzie, what happened to you is not your fault, so you shouldn’t be embarrassed by it. I know that talking about your attack in a room full of people doesn’t seem very appealing, but no one will judge you for what you say. Everyone came here today to support you, so there is nothing to be humiliated about.”

“What do you mean by everyone?” Izzie asked suspiciously, uncertain about Addison’s use of the term.

“Oh,” Addison said, realizing Izzie didn’t know about her friends’ attempt at support. “Well, Alex and Meredith are here, too, and George is coming later,” she said, almost feeling guilty for having to break the news.

Izzie rolled her eyes. “Great,” she whispered. Burying her face in her hands out of frustration, she said, “I don’t want to talk about it in front of everyone.”

“You haven’t told them about your attack before? Not even Mark?” Addison asked.

Izzie shook her head. “It never really seemed like an appropriate breakfast conversation,” she said sarcastically.

“Oh, right. Well, of course not,” Addison said quietly. “Listen Izzie, I know you’re nervous right now, but your friends love you no matter what. Mark…Mark loves you no matter what.”

Izzie looked up at her when she heard the last part of Addison’s statement. “You…you think Mark loves me?” she asked with uncertainty.

“Well, we haven’t talked about it, but…but I’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you. It’s like the rest of the world falls away when he’s with you. He would do anything for you, Izzie, and nothing you say in that courtroom today will change that,” she said quietly, concluding her thoughts just as the door opened.

A uniformed man poked his head in, saying, “Isobel Stevens, you’ve been requested for testimony.”

Izzie took a deep breath and looked at Addison. “I hope you’re right.”



Ch 26

Izzie’s footsteps echoed loudly in her head as she followed the bailiff to the courtroom, but their sound did little to drown out the deafening beat of her heart hammering inside of her chest. When the bailiff opened the doors to let her in, her eyes immediately flew to Jason Dole, who was sitting at the defense table. Initially, he was facing away from her, but when he heard the doors open, he turned in his chair and their gazes met.

She stopped abruptly and found herself momentarily breathless as he looked unflinchingly at her, boldly inspecting her body from head to toe, his eyes lingering on her curves. When his gaze once again landed on her face, he smiled smugly at her, smirking as though he were the victor in a confrontation. It was as though he were proving to her that, even in this room full of people, he could visually rape her all over again. The moment was quick, though, and he turned back around to face the front of the courtroom so quickly that Izzie almost wondered if the exchange even took place.

She began walking forward once again, following the bailiff down the aisle to the front of the room. She was sworn in and led to a seat to the left of the judge’s bench, a seat which was accompanied by a microphone so that her fears and vulnerabilities could resonate throughout the room for everyone to hear.

As she sat in the chair, her eyes briefly scanned the room. There were more people there than she’d expected, and they were all staring at her with interest. She suddenly felt like a caged zoo animal, like she was a popular exhibit for everyone to gawk at. Izzie looked down again at the floor, avoiding the gazes of her audience. She didn’t know if she could get through this if she had to look at their sympathetic faces.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Caroline stand up and begin to walk toward her. “Can you state your name for the record, please?” she asked her.

Izzie glanced up at Caroline, but her eyes slid to Mark instead, who sat directly behind where the district attorney was standing. Their eyes met for the first time since she had entered the room, and he smiled encouragingly at her, silently giving her support. Feeling a renewed surge of confidence, she turned her gaze back to Caroline.

“Isobel Katherine Stevens,” she said, relieved to hear her voice sounding strong.

“But your friends call you Izzie?”

“Yes,” she confirmed.

“Can you tell the court what you do for a living, Izzie?”

“I’m a surgical intern at Seattle Grace Hospital,” she answered.

“And were you working on the night of February 23rd of this year?” Caroline asked her gently.

Izzie felt her throat suddenly constrict. Such a simple question, yet it acted as a gateway to the story of her attack. She forced herself to clear her throat and she mentally prepared herself for the moments ahead. “Yes, I was working in the hospital’s free clinic.”

“Were you alone?” Caroline prompted.

Izzie nodded her head. “Yes, I stayed later than everyone to finish up the paperwork and close the clinic.”

“Can you tell us what happened that night, Izzie?” Caroline requested softly.

Izzie gripped her thighs nervously and took a deep breath. ‘Just get through this,’ she told herself. “My friend, Meredith, called me when I was finishing up some charts,” she began, glancing at Meredith.

“Hey Mer, how is Joe’s?”

“It’s great Iz; I was actually calling to tell you to come on over when you finish up your charts. Everyone is here except for you so get your ass over here!”

“I told her that I would meet her and some other friends at a bar, but I had to change first, so I went to the locker room,” she said. Caroline nodded at her, encouraging her to continue. “While I was in there, I thought I heard a sound in the front of the clinic, but I convinced myself that I was just imagining things...”

“And were you imagining things?” Caroline asked when Izzie trailed off.

Izzie felt her throat tightening again. “No,” she said, her voice quivering. “When I went to the front, there was a man standing in the doorway of the clinic. He had broken the window over the door and unlocked it.” Izzie could feel sweat breaking through her pores as her anxiety grew. The further she recounted her story, the more real the images became in her mind. “Neither of us said anything at first. I think he was just as surprised to see me as I was to see him,” she said, adverting her eyes from the piercing stare of Jason Dole. “When I looked at him, I noticed that he had the symptoms of a drug withdrawal. I thought maybe that’s why he’d broken in – to steal narcotics from the clinic - so I told him that I would get him what he wanted if he would leave. I just…I just didn’t want him to hurt me.”

“Look, if you broke into the clinic to steal drugs, fine. Tell me what you want and I will get it.”

“And is that why he broke in to the clinic?” Caroline asked. “To steal drugs?”

“Yes,” Izzie said shakily. “He told me he wanted Demerol.”

“And what happened when you went to get him the drugs, Izzie?”

Izzie took another deep breath, willing her mind to erase the image of Dole coming at her with a knife. “He grabbed my shoulders and held a knife to my throat,” she said quietly, reflexively bringing her hand to her neck. She glanced briefly at the jury, but, seeing their pity, she turned away quickly. “He didn’t want me to go to the supply closet alone.”

“I’m going with you. There’ll be no stunts, do you understand?”

“So the two of you went to the supply closet together?” Caroline asked.

“Yes, I unlocked the door and I gave him the Demerol that we had in storage. He…he was angry, though, because there wasn’t a lot left. We’d had a busy day in the clinic, and we don’t store a lot of those kinds of narcotics anyway, so there were only a few dosages in there.”

“This is it?” he demanded angrily, yelling into her face. “This is all you’re giving me?”

Izzie shuddered at the memory of his angry tirade. “He took it when he realized that it was all we had,” she continued. “I thought he was going to leave the clinic then, but…”

“But what, Izzie?” Caroline asked.

She looked miserably at Caroline, her look silently communicating that she hated recounting this story, but Caroline merely looked at her regretfully so Izzie carried on. “He’d gotten a gash on his hand when he put it through the window,” she said quietly. “He told me to suture it, so I got some supplies from the closet and I took him to a bed where the light was better.”

“And you gave him stitches?”

“Yes,” she answered.

“What happened next, Izzie?” Caroline asked gently, knowing the next part of the story would be the hardest for Izzie.

Izzie stared at the floor for a moment as the memories of that night flooded her mind. “My cell phone rang,” she told the court. “It was in my bag across the room. I…I wasn’t sure what to do when I heard it. I probably should have just ignored it so that I wouldn’t make him angry, but I was so scared. I couldn’t think straight, and I thought maybe I could get to the phone…I just wanted to tell someone that I needed help…” say said quietly as a tear spilled onto her cheek.

Izzie took a shaky breath and wiped the tear from her face. She glanced at Meredith and saw that she, too, had tears in her eyes. Meredith had realized that it was she who had been calling Izzie at that time. If only she had known that Izzie was in trouble…

Meeting Izzie’s gaze, Meredith looked desperately at her and silently mouthed, ‘I’m so sorry.’ Izzie smiled sadly at her, shaking her head in an effort to let her know that she could never blame Meredith for what happened. It was in no way her fault and she had done so much for Izzie to help her get over the attack.

Izzie thought back to when Meredith had pushed her to seek help at the Rape Crisis Center. Izzie had been so angry at her for calling Grace behind her back, but Meredith hadn’t backed down. “I had every right to call her Izzie, because I love you and I want you to get over this.” How could Meredith think that she could ever blame her after everything she had done for her?

“So you answered your phone?” Caroline asked, interrupting Izzie’s silent thoughts.

Izzie turned back to Caroline and shook her head. “Um, I tried,” she said. “I ran across the room trying to answer it, but he ran after me and he…he tackled me from behind. I…I hit my head on the floor.”

“And what’d he do then, Izzie,” Caroline pressed, seeing Izzie’s reluctance to continue.

Izzie closed her eyes in distress, wanting to be anywhere but in that chair. “He, ah, he grabbed me and turned me over onto my back…”

“Where to in such a hurry, Blondie?” he asked her with a sneer.

“My…my friends are waiting for me. They know I’m here. They’ll come looking for me. You need to leave now, or…or…”

“I told him that my friends would be wondering where I was…that they knew I was still at the clinic, but he didn’t…he didn’t listen to me.”

Izzie could mentally hear Jason Dole laughing at her attempts to persuade him to leave the clinic. She felt her heart pounding wildly as she imagined him on top of her, pinning her to the ground. Her breathing became labored as her mind vividly recalled the feel of his hands roughly moving over her breasts, and him smirking down at her as he saw the fear on her face.

“You’re not going anywhere right now. There’s much more that you can give me before I leave.”

“I…I tried to get up. I flung myself at him as hard as I could, and…he fell off me for a second, but I couldn’t…I couldn’t get up fast enough. He pushed me back against the ground and…”

Izzie took a deep breath and look over to her friends. Alex’s face was red with anger from listening to Izzie’s description of Dole’s violence towards her. When he saw her looking at him, though, he forced himself to relax and nod encouragingly at her to resume her testimony. She could almost hear the words that he had spoken to her so long ago in the linen closet at Seattle Grace, trying to sooth her worries over Meredith, who had been stuck in an OR with the bomb.

“It’s going to be okay.”

“You don’t know that,” she’d responded with uncharacteristic pessimism.

He’d shrugged his shoulders at her. “It’s just what you say.”

Maybe it is just what you say, but Izzie knew that Alex really believed those words, and his silent encouragement made her continue, despite the lump in her throat. “He was furious…he…he hit me in the abdomen and he…he…” Izzie trailed off, her throat constricting as though her emotions had physically welled in her throat.

“Izzie, do you need to take a break?” Caroline asked gently.

Izzie looked at her briefly, and then her eyes traveled back to the bench where she saw George, who was sitting in between Meredith and Alex. Sweet George. She thought back to the night that she had come home from the hospital. When her friends had woken her from her terrible nightmare, George had wrapped his arms around her, guarding her from her fears. “You’re okay now. We’re all here, alright? We’re going to protect you. You don’t have to be scared.” Izzie looked him in the eye now, drawing strength from him. He was still here, still protecting her. They all were. Sitting on that bench, they looked like a mighty force ready to go to battle against anyone wanting to hurt her.

She inhaled deeply, forcefully swallowing the lump in her throat and shaking her head negatively toward Caroline before continuing. “He took his knife and cut my shirt from my body,” she said with a trembling voice. “And he, he put the knife over my heart and sliced my skin. He told me that he would kill me if I tried to get away again…”

“Try anything like that again, and I will cut your heart out,” he promised with a whisper. “Understand?”

She trembled at the memory of his menacing voice threatening her life.

“And then what happened, Izzie?” Caroline asked gently. “I need you to be specific.”

Izzie looked at Mark. How could she say this in front of him? He was frowning sympathetically at her, and she looked down at the floor with shame. “He took off my pants and he…he ripped off my…off my panties,” she whispered weakly into the microphone as tears spilled onto her face. “And then…then he raped me.”

Jason Dole jumped up from his chair as she whispered the words. “You bitch!” he shouted, lunging across the table at her and causing her to recoil with fear. “That slut is lying! She wanted it! She was begging for it!”

The courtroom suddenly buzzed with murmuring onlookers, whispering their surprise at Dole’s outburst. The judge shouted for everyone to quiet down, threatening contempt against the next person who spoke out of order.

Pure hatred flashed in Mark’s eyes when he heard the man’s spiteful words, and he was up in an instant, charging toward him with a rage that he had never felt before. He pressed on, even when he saw the bailiff forcefully reseating Dole, but his movements were stopped abruptly when Alex’s hand wrapped around his arm. “Let me go, Karev,” he said in a voice that sounded dangerously low.

“It’s not worth it, Sloan. You’ll be no use to Izzie if you get tossed in jail for contempt,” Alex said with hushed urgency.

Mark stared at him, his face flushed with anger, and for a moment Alex thought that he was going to take his fury out on him. Mark then looked away from Alex, his eyes resting on Meredith and George who had stood up behind them. They were looking at him expectantly, and Meredith was shaking her head at him in an effort to discourage his aggression. Mark continued on, looking fleetingly at Izzie, still in the witness chair and looking terrified. She appeared sad and sallow, and her face was stained by the tears making their way down her cheeks.

Mark knew Alex was right. As much as he wanted to kill that bastard for saying such horrible things about the woman he loved, it was more important for him to be there for Izzie.

Alex grip relaxed when he felt Mark’s body slacken in defeat, and they all turned to the judge who said, “Does the prosecution have anymore questions for the witness?”

Caroline shook her head negatively, and the judge looked at the defense attorney questioningly. “I don’t have any questions for the witness,” the public defender said with defeat, clearly frustrated over where this case was going.

“Alright then, I think it would be helpful to everyone if we took a break,” he said, looking angrily at Jason Dole. “When we come back, the prosecution can continue with their next witness. Everyone be back here in half an hour.”

Ch 27

The rest of the courtroom had emptied out after the judge had announced the break, but Mark remained by the door, waiting for Izzie as she talked quietly with Caroline Robertson by the prosecution’s table. He couldn’t hear what was being said, but it was obvious from their expressions that it was serious, so he gave them their privacy.

“I just want to prepare you for what’s coming up,” Caroline told Izzie as they sat down at the table.

“Uh, okay,” Izzie said worriedly, looking warily at the lawyer. “You should know that you’re making me a little nervous.”

Caroline smiled. “Don’t be nervous. I just want you to be aware of the possibility of the defense playing hard ball after the break,” she told her in a professional tone. “It was smart of him not to question you while you were upset on the witness stand. It usually alienates the jury when the defense attacks victims of sexual assault, and it was obvious by the jury’s faces that they were sympathetic to your story. Dole’s attorney will probably come down harder during the rest of the trial, though.”

“Oh, okay” Izzie said, her voice sounding remarkably more calm that she felt.

“It’s nothing you need to worry about,” Caroline rushed to assure her, not fooled by Izzie’s calm tone. The young doctor’s tear stained face and trembling hands were a reminder of the emotional torture that she had just been through, and Caroline knew that she needed to be reassured. “I just don’t want you to feel blind sighted by any unpleasantness after the recess is over.”

When their conversation was finished, she smiled reassuringly at Izzie as they both stood up. Caroline told her that she was going to make some phone calls and she turned to leave the courtroom, passing Mark on her way out.

Izzie saw Mark waiting for her by the door, but she remained where she was, her nervousness evident by her facial expression. Mark sighed and walked toward her, his footsteps echoing in the otherwise empty courtroom. Standing merely inches away from her, he took her chin in his fingers, lifting her face so that she was forced to look at him, but she stubbornly kept her eyes adverted from his.

“Don’t” she whispered, not wanting to discuss her emotional testimony.

“Izzie, look at me,” he told her, not deterred by her request. Her eyes met his momentarily, but she looked away just as quickly. “Iz, look at me,” he repeated.

Finally she met his gaze. “I really don’t want to talk about it,” she told him softly before he had a chance to bring up her testimony.

He nodded understandingly, surprising her by acquiescing to her request so quickly. “We don’t have to talk about it if you’re not ready,” he said, his gentle tone bringing tears to her eyes. “But I’m here for you whenever you are ready.”

She took a shaky breath and nodded her head appreciatively as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his embrace. She buried her face in his shoulder as her own arms wrapped around his neck, holding on tightly as if her life depended on it.

“I know you don’t want to talk about your testimony right now, but I want you to know that you did a really great job up there, Iz,” he told her. “Just like I knew you would.” As she buried her face further into his shoulder, he felt the moisture of her tears falling onto his shirt. “You okay?” he asked quietly.

She laughed slightly as she wiped the tears from her face onto his shirt. “Yeah, I’m okay,” she said, her voice muffled by his shoulder.

Mark brought his hand up to stroke her hair. “Izzie…”

“Yeah?” she asked softly, closing her eyes as she stood comfortably in his embrace.

“I love you,” he told her, his confident voice an indication of the conviction behind his words.

He felt her body tense slightly at his admission, and neither of them moved. “You don’t have to say anything,” he rushed to say when the words left his mouth. “I just…I’ve known that I was in love with you for a few weeks now, and I’ve wanted to tell you but it never seemed like the right time. I guess…I guess today I felt like I needed to tell you.”

Izzie pulled back slowly, looking at Mark with wide eyes as she searched for the right words to let him know how she was feeling about his confession. They were both startled when the silence was shattered by the courtroom door opening. Looking over, they found Meredith at the door, her face displaying the guilt that she felt for intruding on what was obviously a private moment between the couple.

“Hey, sorry for interrupting,” she said regretfully, walking in hesitantly with Alex and George trailing behind her. “We went to a coffee shop across the street. Thought you guys could use some,” she said, holding out two cups for them to take.

“Thanks,” Mark said, taking both cups from her outstretched hand, being careful not to display the irritation he felt for being interrupted.

“Iz, you doing okay?” George asked her with concern, noticing the look on her face.

“Huh? Oh, yeah…yeah, I’m fine…just fine,” she said, stuttering over her words as her mind raced to process what Mark had just told her.

As they stood there, people began filing back into the courtroom, indicating that the break was nearly over. The five of them decided to walk to the bench to take their seats, and as they sat down, Izzie turned to her friends, looking at them thoughtfully. “Thank you guys for coming today,” she told them, her voice thick with emotion. “I don’t…I don’t know what I would do without you guys.” Turning to Mark, who sat on the other side of her, she smiled at him and amended her statement. “I don’t know what I would do without any of you.”

He smiled back at her, taking her hand in his as the bailiff asked the court to rise, signifying the entrance of the judge. Once everyone was reseated, Caroline stood up from her table and announced the next witness.

“The prosecution calls Addison Montgomery.”

[LW107]

Ch 28

Izzie sat rigidly on the bench in the courtroom, afraid to breathe as she listened to Addison explain to the jury the injuries that resulted from her rape.

“She sustained a fractured rib...” A photograph was shown that had been taken by the police officer immediately following Izzie’s rape kit. It displayed the purplish bruising along her abdomen, clearly highlighting the fractured rib bone. Exhibit A.

“Mild concussion…” The jury nodded in understanding as Caroline held up another picture, this one of Izzie’s face, the ugly knot marring her forehead evidence of the injury that Addison explained. Exhibit B.

“Knife wound…” Murmurs of sympathy rang out as Caroline showed a picture of the violent, jagged incision on Izzie’s chest. Addison told them that the injury had needed twelve stitches.

“Vaginal bruising and tearing…” The courtroom turned to Izzie’s direction to look at the poor woman who had sustained such vicious injuries. Ladies and Gentlemen, Izzie Stevens: Exhibit D.

She felt her face heat at the realization that everyone in the courtroom was looking at her with pity. She felt overwhelmingly claustrophobic, and she suddenly had a desperate need to escape the confining walls that were echoing what should be her private misery.

“I’m going to the restroom,” she whispered to Mark, who sat beside her.

“Are you okay?” he asked her with concern.

“Yeah…yeah, I’m fine. I’ll be right back.” She quickly stood up and walked passed George, Meredith and Alex, hurrying to get away from the stares of the curious onlookers.

When she pushed the door open, she heard a surprise gasp from the other side of the door as she barely missed Grace Fuller, who had been about to enter the courtroom.

“Izzie,” Grace said with surprise. “Where’re you going?”

“I…I just needed to get out of there for a few minutes.”

Grace nodded in understanding. “Why don’t we go sit down over there?” she suggested, pointing to a couple of chairs in the hallway.

Izzie nodded and followed Grace to the chairs. “I’m sorry I missed your testimony,” the counselor told her. “I got tied up at the center and I couldn’t get here in time. How’d it go?”

“Uh…it went as well as can be expected, I guess,” Izzie responded, and Grace nodded.

She looked at Izzie thoughtfully, seeing the anxiety in the young girl’s eyes. “It’s a hard thing for a victim to do, Izzie…to testify in front of her attacker.” Izzie nodded as tears welled in her eyes. “Having difficulty talking about your assault in a room full of strangers isn’t a sign of weakness. It took a lot of courage for you to do that.”

Izzie took a deep breath, forcing her tears back. “I know,” she said quietly, smiling slightly at Grace.

Grace smiled back and asked, “So, have you thought any more about Mark’s idea?”

Izzie’s brow furrowed with confusion. “What? I’m not sure what you mean.”

“Oh,” Grace said with surprise. “Maybe he was going to wait until after the trial was over to bring it up…”

“Bring what up?” Izzie asked with curiosity.

“Um, well he came to the Center a few weeks ago…”

“Why?” Izzie asked, impatient for Grace to get to the point.

“Well, he said that you were having some problems dealing with some of the things going on in your life. He told me about Madison…” Izzie nodded, looking at the marble floor of the courthouse. “He also told me how much you wanted to help her, and he said that you’re like that with a lot of your patients at the hospital.”

“Yeah, well apparently my compassion is my flaw,” she said begrudgingly, thinking of Dr. Bailey’s prior warnings to stop getting so involved with her patients.

“Compassion isn’t a flaw, Izzie,” Grace told her. “It’s very useful in some situations, actually.” Izzie looked up at her curiously, wondering where she was going with this conversation. “Mark thinks that you would make a great rape counselor,” Grace suddenly said. “And I would have to agree.”

Izzie looked at her in surprise. “A rape counselor?” she asked, shaking her head. “I already have a job; I’m a doctor.”

Grace nodded. “Of course. But the Center can always use part-time counselors, and we would love to have someone with such a great heart working with the women there.”

Izzie smiled slightly, flattered by the offer. “Thanks, but…I don’t know. I don’t think that I’m in a place where I could council people on their assaults when I can’t even help myself.”

“I understand that,” Grace said, nodding her head understandingly. “It took me two years before I was in a place with my own rape before I could help others.” Izzie looked at her in surprise, and Grace nodded in confirmation. “It’s been really good for me, though. Helping others is a great way to help yourself.”

Izzie smiled slightly at Grace. “Yeah, maybe…”

“Just think about it,” Grace told her. “I certainly don’t need an answer now. But let me know when you decide because there’s training that you would need before you could start.” She smiled at Izzie suddenly. “You know, I was very impressed with how understanding and thoughtful Mark was when he came to see me that day.”

Izzie returned her smile. “Yeah, I’m a lucky girl,” she said, laughing slightly at the irony that she said those words outside of the courtroom where her rapist was being tried.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The trial continued the entire day, and Izzie’s friends remained with her as the two lawyers questioned police officers and psychologists, trying desperately to outwit each other in their quest for victory. The jury deliberated only nineteen minutes after closing arguments, but that short time seemed like the longest nineteen minutes of Izzie’s life.

Izzie watched closely for a reaction from the judge as he read the jury’s verdict before handing it back to the foreman. His face had remained impassive, though, and Izzie’s heart began to pound heavily as she started to wonder what she would do if Jason Dole was allowed to walk out of the courtroom that day.

Mark and Meredith both grabbed her hands supportively as they sat on either side of her, and she gratefully squeezed them back. She took a deep breath as the foreman stood up, rising to reveal Jason Dole’s fate.

“We the jury, find the defendant, Jason Dole, guilty of first degree rape,” he said, and Izzie let out a breath that she had been holding.

“Iz, did you hear that?” Meredith asked her with a grin. “It’s over.”

“Yeah, I heard,” Izzie said quietly, a smile on her lips. She turned to Mark, who was smiling with gratification as he watched the bailiff place Jason Dole into handcuffs, and she took his hand in hers, following his gaze. As Izzie watched the officer lead him away, her smile never faltered, even when Dole sent her a vindictive sneer. She realized that it didn’t matter what he thought or how he looked at her; he couldn’t hurt her anymore.

Izzie squeezed Mark’s hand to get his attention, and he looked down at her with a smile. “Can we go?” she asked.

Mark nodded. “Yeah, let’s go home.”


Ch 29

After leaving the courthouse, Izzie and Mark had gone home to enjoy a quiet evening alone. The others had gone to Joe’s to celebrate Jason Dole’s conviction, but Izzie had felt tired and had asked Mark to take her home.

Having not eaten since their lunch break earlier in the day, they began preparing dinner almost as soon as they arrived at the house. Izzie made a vegetable medley and then joined Mark on the back deck as he cooked fish on a grill that Derek had bought for the approaching summer. As they enjoyed a glass of wine while waiting for their dinner to cook, Izzie leaned against the railing of the deck and addressed Mark.

“I talked to Grace today,” she said vaguely, looking at him for a reaction.

“Oh, yeah?” he asked distractedly, not looking at her as he turned the fish over on the grill.

“Yeah,” she confirmed. After a pause filled with silence, she said, “She told me that you went by the center a few weeks ago.”

Mark looked up. “She did, huh?” he asked.

“Yeah, she did,” Izzie confirmed. “You should have told me about your little idea, you know.”

Mark turned back to the grill with a sigh. “Yeah, I should have; sorry. I hope you don’t feel like I went behind your back. I just…I guess I didn’t want to bring up the idea to you without knowing if it was even possible for you to do something like that. I think that it’d be great for you, Iz - to have an outlet for all of your compassion - but I didn’t want to put the idea in your head before I discussed it with someone at the center to make sure that it’s a possibility.”

Izzie nodded even though Mark couldn’t see her. “Thank you,” she said quietly. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

Mark turned around, smiling to himself as he realized that, despite her attempt to reprimand his secrecy, she was actually please with his actions. “You’re welcome,” he told her, walking to where she leaned against the railing of the deck. “I’d do anything for the woman I love,” he said quietly, tucking a loose curl behind her ear as he leaned toward her.

Izzie looked at him seriously. “You really love me?” she questioned. “You weren’t just saying that earlier because you thought I needed to hear it?”

Mark smiled slightly, looking to the ground briefly before meeting her eyes once again. “Izzie, I realized that I was in love with you weeks ago but…well, I’ve never felt this way about a woman before, and I…I was scared,” he admitted. “I guess I didn’t know how to tell you how I felt. I finally told you today, though, because you needed to hear it, and that’s more important than any fear I may have about my feelings for you. I am in love with you, and I’d do anything to make you happy.”

A small smile appeared on Izzie’s face as she blinked back the moisture in her eyes. “Mark, I…”

“No…no, don’t say anything right now, Iz,” Mark rushed to say. “If you tell me you love me right now, I’ll always wonder if you just said it because you felt like you had to. And if you tell me you don’t…well, I just…I just couldn’t handle that…” he told her quietly.

Izzie nodded, accepting his request. “Okay,” she said quietly as she rose on her toes so that they were eye to eye, and she placed a soft kiss on his mouth. “Let’s go inside…” she whispered.

Mark smiled against her lips, groaning as she briefly slipped her tongue past his teeth. “But the fish…” he mumbled as she deepened the kiss, leaning forward to give herself better access.

“What about the fish?” she asked, her words muffled against his mouth.

“They’ll burn,” he told her as her lips moved away from his, traveling to his neck.

She captured a bit of his skin in her teeth and whispered, “That’s okay…”

He groaned again, pulling her away from his body. “You’re an evil woman,” he said as his breath came out in pants.

She laughed a little, her face flushed with desire. “Fine…just finish you’re damn fish,” she said with a smile as she went inside the house to set the table.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When Meredith and Derek arrived at the house later that night, Izzie and Mark were finishing cleaning up the dishes from the dinner they had just completed.

“Hey,” Meredith said as they walked into the kitchen.

Mark and Izzie both turned around and smiled at the couple. “Hey,” Mark greeted in return.

Derek walked over to the sink where Izzie was drying a plate with a dishtowel, and he wrapped his arms around her, bringing her into a hug. “Mer told me about the conviction. I’m happy for you, Iz,” he said quietly.

“Thanks, Derek,” she said against his shoulder, and then she smiled at him as they pulled away from each other.

Derek smiled back, thinking how far Izzie had come since he’d seen her lying in the hospital bed the morning after her attack. He remembered the rage he’d felt for the man who’d hurt this woman so badly, who’d left her beaten and emotionally broken on the floor of the clinic. He also remembered the guilt that he’d felt about being relieved that it hadn’t been Meredith lying in that hospital bed. Looking at Izzie’s smiling face now, he was just as relieved that it hadn’t been Meredith who’d been attacked that night. He hated what Izzie had gone through, but Derek wasn’t sure if Meredith could have survived such an attack and still managed to find happiness the way Izzie had. Derek was amazed at the strength of the woman before him, and he knew that he wasn’t the only one.

His thoughts were broken when Izzie put down the dishtowel and announced, “I’m going upstairs to take a bath.”

Mark nodded. “I’ll be upstairs in a little while,” he told her.

“Okay,” Izzie said. She stopped in front of Meredith on her way out the kitchen door. “Thanks for being there for me today,” she said quietly.

Meredith tilted her head to the side. “Of course I was there, Iz. I wanted to be there. You don’t have to thank me.”

Izzie smiled. “Well, thank you anyway. For everything, Meredith,” she said sincerely.

Meredith returned her smile. “You’re welcome,” she told her.

Izzie went upstairs to the bathroom, pinning her hair to the top of her head as she turned on the water in the tub and added a few drops of lavender bath oil. With the water still running, she went to retrieve her robe and a towel from her bedroom.

As she allowed the stress of her day to drain away in the warm, soothing water, she thought about how truly lucky she was to have such amazing friends. There had been many times, such as when she’d been pregnant with Hannah, that she’d felt like she had no one to turn to when she had needed support. Meeting her friends at Seattle Grace had changed her life, though. No matter what her future had in store for her, she knew that she would have people to get her through the tough times.

And Izzie hoped that one of those people would be Mark. It was incredible to her that they had only been together for a couple of months. In all the relationships she’d been in her life, she’d never felt as comfortable or as secure as she did with him. He didn’t make her feel like she was just some kind of object to be desired; he made her feel like she was the center of his world, and she believed him when he told her that he would do anything to make her happy.

Izzie stayed in the bath until the water grew tepid, and then she climbed out, drying herself off before draping her nudity with her soft robe. She then walked to her bedroom where she found Mark lying on top of the bed reading through a file.

“What’s that?” she asked curiously as she walked to her vanity and sat on the stool.

“Oh, just a patient’s file,” he told her. “I just wanted to brush up on this case before my surgery tomorrow,” he said as he placed the file on the nightstand, looking up at her just in time to see her releasing her hair from its knot and allowing the soft locks to flow over her shoulders. “How are you feeling? About everything that happened today, I mean,” he clarified.

Not looking away from the mirror, Izzie laughed slightly and said, “It doesn’t actually seem real.”

Mark smiled in response. “Well, it is,” he told her sincerely, meeting her eyes in the reflection of the mirror.

She smiled back at him. “Yeah, it is” she echoed quietly while watching him through the mirror as he got off the bed to get undressed. Standing up as well, she walked over to where he stood in front of the bed. “Mark,” she said, making sure she had his full attention. He looked at her questioningly, tilting his head to the side as he pulled off his khaki slacks. “Mark, I love you,” she told him quietly, her bluntness causing him to go still. “And I’m not saying it because you said it to me. I’m not saying it because I feel like I have to. I’m saying it because I do. I do love you, Mark. I love you for the man that you are, and I love you for making want to be a better person. I love you for making me happy again,” she told him as she took a step forward, eliminating the space between their bodies.

Mark could feel the heat coming from Izzie’s soft form, and his breath quickened as he felt her plush robe press against his bare chest. “Izzie…” he whispered.

“I love you, Mark” she told him as she placed a light kiss on the skin above his heart. “I love you,” she said again, kissing his neck and then his sharp jaw. “I love you,” she whispered once more, before placing her lips over his in a passionate kiss that stole both their breaths.

He moaned against her lips as she slipped her hands between their bodies, untying the belt of her robe and slipping it from her shoulders so that it could fall to the ground. Mark broke their kiss, inhaling sharply as his eyes drank in the beauty that stood before him. Dragging his eyes back up to hers, he looked at her sincerely, saying, “Iz, you don’t have to-”

“Mark,” Izzie said quietly, interrupting his protests. “You’ve been so patient with me. For weeks, you’ve understood what I needed, even when I didn’t. I know I wasn’t ready a month ago, but…but I’m in a different place now. You’re what I want, and I need for you to understand that. Do I really need to explain to you why I’m ready?”

Mark smiled at her gently before answering her with a kiss, bringing his lips down to capture hers as he allowed his hands to roam over her bare shoulders. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered to her as he felt a shiver wrack her body.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, enjoying the feel of her naked breasts against his smooth, hard chest. “Thank you for being so patient with me,” she mumbled to him as she backed him toward the bed, removing his boxer shorts en route.

As they fell against the soft mattress, Mark looked down at Izzie. Meeting her gaze, he asked her quietly, “Are you sure you’re ready? Because we can stop if you’re not…”

Izzie smiled at him and shook her head. “No…no, I’m ready, Mark,” she told him, her voice thick with desire.

She saw him nod his head before she closed her eyes, feeling as though she was going to burst with pleasure at the sensation of him entering her. “I love you, Izzie,” she heard him whisper hoarsely as he rocked above her.

“I love you, Mark,” she answered, wrapping her legs around his waist to bring him closer to her; she felt like he could never be close enough.

And as they made love in the dimly lit bedroom, Izzie never once thought Jason Dole. In fact, she thought of nothing but the blinding love that she felt for the man who, moments later, collapsed on top of her, both of them breathless and sated.


Epilogue

Bailey sighed when she saw Izzie standing at the nurse’s station of the Denny Duquette Memorial Clinic, hunched over an open file. “Stevens,” she yelled as she walked over to the hardworking resident.

Izzie looked up, a guilty expression on her face. “I know, I know. I’m leaving in a minute. I’m just finishing up this chart,” she said quickly, trying to soothe the annoyed look on Bailey’s face.

Her superior narrowed her eyes and swiftly grabbed the chart from Izzie’s hands. “No, you’re leaving now. Go home! You were off duty an hour ago” she said testily.

Izzie looked at her blankly for a moment before a smile broke out on her face. Holding her hands up in defeat, she said playfully, “Fine, fine…I was just trying to help you out. Geez.”

Bailey pursed her lips, looking incredulously at the younger woman. “Mm hmm…well, this clinic won’t fall apart without you. Now leave!” Izzie mouthed ‘fine’ once again with a smile, and turned around to walk to the locker room to gather her things, laughing as she went. After years of working with Miranda Bailey, she was no longer afraid of the infamous Nazi. Sure, Bailey was tough, but her demanding personality couldn’t overshadow the fact that she truly cared about her job, and she especially cared about the five talented surgeons that she helped to raise during their internship.

Those five doctors were now residents, finally confident and comfortable with their place in the hospital. Izzie, following in Bailey’s footsteps, had chosen to specialize in general medicine. She enjoyed being a sort of jack-of-all-trades, and her generalized specialty allowed her a lot of time to work in the clinic.

She had missed working in the clinic after her attack. It had taken her a year before she had gotten the courage to go back there again, but once she had, she’d been reminded of why she’d enjoyed working there in the first place. It was a great feeling to treat someone who was otherwise helpless, and the reward of seeing the grateful look on their faces was enough to keep Izzie coming back day after day. It had taken time, of course, but she was now comfortable there again, no longer preoccupied by thoughts of Jason Dole as she crossed the linoleum floor where she had been attacked just a few years before.

Izzie waved goodbye to Dr. Bailey as she walked out of the clinic and pulled her cell phone from her tote bag to check her messages. She had two missed calls; one from Grace Fuller and one from Mark. Seeing that Grace had called first, she decided to call her back immediately.

Izzie was climbing into her Jeep in the parking lot as Grace answered her phone on the third ring.

“Grace Fuller,” she answered.

“Hey Grace. It’s Izzie.”

“Hey Iz,” Grace said cheerfully. “How’s it going?”

“Oh, it’s just fine. I’m on my way home from work right now,” she told her as she steered her car out of the parking lot. “What’s up? I saw that you called earlier.”

“Yeah, I did,” Grace said. “Um, I need to talk to you about your counseling group. I’ve had a few of complaints in the past couple of weeks.”

Izzie frowned as she braked at a stop light. “Complaints?” she asked. She had been working as a volunteer rape counselor for two years, and she couldn’t love that job more. She loved that job so much, in fact, that she had decided to switch to part time at Seattle Grace so that she could spend more time at the Center.

Izzie was very popular at the Rape Crisis Center; her loving and understanding personality had quickly won the trust of the women there, and her group meetings were always full of members who were drawn to her kindness and thoughtful advice. Never once in her two years had she gotten complaints about her work. It worried her to think that she might not be giving the women at the center the kind of support they needed. “What kind of complaints?” she asked fretfully.

On the other end of the line, Grace smiled at Izzie’s tone. “Well, people are upset that you’re not available more,” she told her, laughing slightly as she heard Izzie’s quiet sigh of relief. “You’re really in demand around here.”

“Oh,” Izzie said with a smile. “God Grace, I thought it was something bad.”

Grace and Izzie chatted for several more minutes, discussing changes that the Rape Crisis Center would be undergoing in the next several months. Grace had been pleading with Izzie to be on the committee that was in charge of overseeing the improvements of the Center, but Izzie had repeatedly declined, adamant about her need for more personal time.

As she pulled into the driveway of her two story Queen Anne Hill home, she saw her need for more personal time standing on the sidewalk in front of the house. She smiled and waved at Mark as she parked her car and turned off the ignition. “Alright, Grace,” she said into the phone. “I just got home, so I need to go. We can talk more when I come to the Center tomorrow.”

Izzie hung up the phone and threw it into her tote bag as she climbed out of her SUV. “Hey,” she called to Mark. “What’re you doing?”

“I’m walking to Meredith and Derek’s,” he said from the sidewalk. “Put your stuff inside and come with me.”

She smiled and nodded, hurrying up the front steps and depositing her tote bag in the foyer. She wasn’t surprised that Mark was walking to the house where they all used to live during her internship. They often went over there to spend time with their friends, and the close proximity of their houses made driving unnecessary.

A year after Mark and Izzie had begun their relationship, they’d decided that they needed their own place to live. They’d loved living in the Meredith’s house, but it had quickly seemed too small for both couples to live in, so Mark had proposed the idea of buying their own place. Sad to leave Meredith's, but excited about the opportunity to truly begin her life with Mark, Izzie had agreed, and they’d seized the opportunity to stay in the beautiful suburban neighborhood when a house two blocks away had gone on the market. Within weeks of moving in, Izzie and Mark had made the beautiful old house into their home.

Walking to the sidewalk in front of that home, she greeted Mark. “Hey,” she said with a grin as she leaned her head upwards, placing a kiss on his mouth. “I missed you today,” she told him. It amazed her how much she actually did miss Mark when she wasn’t with him. They had been married for three years, but their love for each other had remained as strong as it had been from the start of their relationship, and their friends often joked that they would probably still be acting like newlyweds when they were ninety years old.

“Hey yourself,” he said, kissing her back. “We missed you today, too.”

Izzie smiled at him before squatting to the ground, looking into the stroller in front of him where her fourteen month old daughter sat happily. “Hey, Maddie!” Izzie greeted cheerfully, kissing the baby on her rosy cheek. Maddie squealed in delight, reaching her arms out and wrapping them around Izzie’s neck as she gave her mother a sloppy, open mouthed kiss on the mouth. Izzie laughed and said, “Oh Sweetie, Mommy missed you today, too!”

Madison Katherine Sloan had been born just a couple of months before Mark and Izzie’s second anniversary. She had been an 'unplanned surprise,’ as Izzie called her, but Maddie’s happy demeanor had quickly melted the hearts of all who knew her. She’d even wormed her way into Cristina’s heart, who often joked that Maddie was like the Surgical program’s pet, as she was always passed around from person to person whenever she visited the hospital.

Although Maddie had been unplanned, neither Mark nor Izzie had been apprehensive about her arrival. In fact, they’d been ecstatic when they’d found out that Izzie was pregnant, and they’d both excitedly prepared for the arrival of their new baby. Izzie had insisted that they find out the gender when it became possible, and when Addison had told them that they were having a girl, Izzie had immediately dragged Mark from the hospital, taking him to a nearby baby store and buying everything pink that she could find. Mark had pretended to be annoyed, complaining that men shouldn't have to shop for “prissy” little dresses and dolls, but Izzie knew that he was just as delighted as she was about the opportunity to spoil their new daughter.

The day she had been born had been the happiest day of both of their lives. As Izzie had lain in the hospital bed, drenched in sweat and exhausted by her twenty-two hours of labor, she’d wondered how she had been so lucky to get where she was. It had only been a few years before that Izzie had felt like she’d reached the bottom; she’d felt like she’d never be able to recover from the mess that her life had become. But here she was, married to the greatest man she knew, happy with her career, and the mother of a beautiful little girl. It amazed her that she had gotten from there to here in such a short time.

As she’d looked at her baby, she she’d been thankful that she’d been fortunate enough to have a fresh start. She had been surprised when she’d thought of Madison Andrews, though, as she’d lain there, happily gazing down at her tiny child. It saddened Izzie to think that Madison hadn’t been lucky enough to have a chance to start over like she had.

Looking at her daughter’s rosy cheeks and steel grey eyes, she realized that this baby was a new beginning; a fresh life devoid of any pain or problems. No mistakes had been made, no traumas had been had. This little girl had a clean slate.

“I want to name her Madison,” Izzie had told Mark as they’d stared at their baby in the hospital room, a mere half hour after her birth.

Madison Andrews had unknowingly helped Izzie find her place in the world. In a way, she’d inspired Izzie to help others, which had, in turn, allowed her to move on with her own life. The least Izzie could do, she thought, was to honor her by naming her daughter after the woman who would never get the chance to experience the kind of happiness that Izzie was feeling.

Mark had nodded, willing to acquiesce to any desire that his wife had at that moment; he was amazed by the woman who was before him, who’d proven her strength once again by enduring hours of pain as she’s delivered their child into the world.

“Madison Katherine Sloan,” he’d said with a smile, as he’d pushed back a damp curl that hung at the base of Izzie’s forehead. And with that, they’d named the newest member of their family.

As Maddie grew, her appearance began to more obviously display the features that she’d inherited from her parents. She had her mother’s curly blonde locks and button nose, and her father’s mouth and grey-blue eyes. Most recently, though, it had become obvious that she’d also inherited her mother’s love of talking, which she now employed as she babbled to herself as Mark and Izzie began their walk to Meredith and Derek’s.

“How was the clinic?” Mark asked.

Izzie threaded her arm through his as he pushed Maddie’s stroller, and she told him about her day at the clinic and about the phone call from Grace. Mark listened as she talked, smiling as they turned the corner onto Meredith and Derek’s street.

Mark could remember sitting on Derek’s porch so many years ago, talking to his friend about the possibility of a relationship with Izzie as he’d watched a couple pushing their twins in a stroller down the sidewalk. Mark had been envious of their family, and he’d secretly wondered if such a life would ever be possible for him and Izzie.

He couldn’t believe that he had they life now. He had a wife that he loved more than anything – she was his best friend, his life partner, and his lover, and best of all, she’d given him Maddie. And here they were, the three of them walking the same path that had been traveled by that family so many years before, the path that Mark had wanted but had, at one time, thought that he would never get.

Wrapping his arm around Izzie’s shoulder, he pulled her closer to him and kissed her forehead. “I love you,” he told her, neither of them breaking their stride.

“I love you, too,” she said. Meeting his gaze, a small smile fell on her face. “Mark?”

“Yeah?” he asked.

“Have you…have you ever thought about having another baby?” she asked timidly.

Mark stopped and looked down at his wife. “Of course I have,” he told her. “I can’t wait to have another baby with you. I just don’t want to push you before you’re ready,” he said.

“Well, I’m ready now,” she told him with a smile.

Mark looked at her, his eyes twinkling with happiness. “Really?” he asked. Izzie nodded, and a grin spread across his face. “Well, alright then. I say let’s get started on that little project tonight,” he told her suggestively as as his hand traveled down her arm to rest of her hip.

Izzie laughed, though she was never surprised by Mark’s healthy sexual appetite. “Actually, we got started a few of weeks ago,” she said. “Five weeks ago, to be exact,” she told him.

“Huh?” Mark asked, though realization quickly dawned on him. “You’re pregnant?”

Izzie nodded. “I’m pregnant,” she said, smiling widely as a goofy grin appeared on his face.

And just when he’d thought he couldn’t get any happier, Izzie announced another ‘unplanned surprise.’ Life couldn’t get any better.



Thanks to everyone who actually made it to the end. I hope you enjoyed it! Love, Lilly

[Velvet Skye]

Thank you Lilly.

That was an absolutely amazing story.

I love how you brought Mark around, I think the te baby's name was so very appropriate.

I loved how all her friends rallied around her to help her through everything. She makes a great counselor and i'm glad she found her calling in life as well as surgery.


And finally. Did they have a boy or girl? And what is its name? LOL

I hate things unfinished. LOL

Rhonda

[Ti88]

well first and formost welcome to the baord. yeah yeah I know i'm late.

i'm not much of grey's anotmy fan. I have seen a couple of epies it is always up against other things. so I have never read a ga fic.

with that being said I can not believe how much I enjoyed thus story. you had me from the first post. I just read it in one sitting. I cried through the whole fic. it was moving, emotional, and wrenching. while at that same time being uplifiting, inspiring, and bright. yes I said bright. the subject matter may have been dark but this is not a dark or even angsty fic. I was able smile through my tears.

the friendship, love, and sheer preserverance of all the characters made this fic real. and it made it beautiful.

and as some one who does not know them it did not matter. everything spoke for itslelf. I was never lost or wandering.

you say this is your first fic. I would never have known. this is a wanderful story. great job and I can't wait to read more from you.

[Angie]

I've read to Chapter 20 and I'm hooked yet again! What a great emotional story!!! I feel such compassion and admiration for Izzie and for her friendships and think you've done a superb job of writing this fan fic! I love it!

[Angie]

I loved this story so much! It was full of great emotion, love, strength, and survival. Best of all I love how it was filled with the love of friends!!! Excellent story, Lilly! I loved it!

[Ann]

I just finished chapter 2, so I still have some catching up to do, but I really love this story! It's very emotional and well written.

[Island Breeze]

I have to admit that I never really watched Grey's Anatomy, but now I think I should have! This is a very well written story! Hard to believe it's your first! Wow! Okay, a few comments:

“Her x-ray shows she has a lower rib fracture, but there was no damage to the diaphragm, and her MRI shows she has a mild concussion,” Meredith told them. Alex’s face conveyed the anger that was quickly boiling inside of him for the man who had damaged the woman who had, in only three years, made such an impact on his life. Meredith continued, telling them, “The laceration on her chest needed twelve stitches. And we finished the rape kit just before I came in here. She is giving her statement to the police right now.”

That Jason Dole was a real slug! He should've got a really appropriate punishment, but it would probably be deemed cruel and unusual. Sometimes I'm in favor of creative sentencing!

And poor Izzie, all that she went through, including the nightmare. I thought it was happening again, too, and I couldn't believe it!

Just thinking about him made Izzie’s heart begin to pound. Taking deep breaths, she forced herself to relax, willing her mind to block out her attacker.

She could not stop thinking about him, though. Sitting alone in the darkness, her thoughts began to race. She could not concentrate on anything else as flashbacks of the assault rushed through her mind.

God, why had this happened to her? She was a good person, wasn’t she? She tried to be kind and giving to others, and she had a good job and good friends. Things like this weren’t suppose to happen to people like her.

The beautiful thing in this story was the way everybody came together to help her get through this.

And Izzie was able to help others. I liked that she helped Madison but it was sad when Madison died.

After the evidence was collected and the photographs taken, Officer Davis told Izzie and Bailey that she needed to be alone with Madison’s to take her statement. Madison’s eyes welled with tears at the mention of her having to relay the story of her attack. Knowing how terrified she was, Izzie took Madison’s hand in her own, squeezing it lightly. Quietly she told her, “I know this seems overwhelming, Madison, and I know that you want to just skip all of this…just pretend that none of it happened…but you can’t pretend. You have to face it, or you’ll never get through this. Talking to Officer Davis is the best thing you can do for yourself right now.”

Madison shook her head violently. “No,” she said in a soft, trembling voice. “No, I can’t do this…you don’t understand!”

“I do,” Izzie said with conviction, refusing to look away from the girl’s eyes, even when her own filled with tears. “I do understand. And I promise you that you can do it, no matter how weak and scared you feel right now. That feeling, it will go away eventually. I promise you it will. But you have to talk with the police so that they can find the man who hurt you. You can’t just ignore what happened, Madison.”

I liked the way Mark was so protective of Izzie and wanted to smash Jason Dole but that he realized he needed to be around for Izzie.

Pure hatred flashed in Mark’s eyes when he heard the man’s spiteful words, and he was up in an instant, charging toward him with a rage that he had never felt before. He pressed on, even when he saw the bailiff forcefully reseating Dole, but his movements were stopped abruptly when Alex’s hand wrapped around his arm. “Let me go, Karev,” he said in a voice that sounded dangerously low.

“It’s not worth it, Sloan. You’ll be no use to Izzie if you get tossed in jail for contempt,” Alex said with hushed urgency.

And finally, she named her little girl Madison. *sniff!* And now there's another on the way! I love happy endings!