A Story About Love--MATURE for language

[Ithilwen]

I was looking around on OKCupid trying to find someone who wouldn't bore the snot out of me. Some dude on OKCupid asked to see some of my writing. I think my existing repertoire might be just a little too nerdcore for the dude, so I offered to write him a little story right there. "Give me a topic," I said.

"Love!"







Not something less lame? (sigh)

(Scene: city street, lined with shops. The crowds are light. It is midday. Two teenaged girls stop in front of a window.)

MARCELLA: Oh my god. I love those shoes.

DORCAS: (rolls eyes) But you've only just met.

MARCELLA: Oh you know what I mean.

DORCAS: Don't buy the shoes, Cella. You already spent all your money on that decorative Madagascar Hissing Cockroach.

COCKROACH: (hisses)

MARCELLA: (to roach) Oh shut up, Fluffy! (to Dorcas) And you shut up too! I'll just put the shoes on my credit card. I'm sure that will never come back to bite me in the ass.

STORE CLERK: (sticks head out of door) Did I hear someone say something about biting in the ass?

DORCAS: She was being metaphorical.

STORE CLERK: Dammit! Uh, I mean, "would you ladies like to come inside?"

DORCAS: No.

MARCELLA: HELLS YEAH!!


(Scene: Interior. Shoe shop)

MARCELLA: I'd like to try on those shoes in the window in my size, please! (to self) Meeeeep! So happy! Yay shoes!

STORE CLERK: Oh, we don't actually sell those.

DORCAS: Well can you let her try on the window pair, then?

MARCELLA: Y'huh! Y'huh! I must have those shoes!!

STORE CLERK: Oh, I mean that that's the only pair we ever had. People keep falling in love with them, but when they come inside and hear that they can't have it, they usually decide to settle down, buy something else and then live a reasonably contented life in suburbia. We've been doing some great business!

MARCELLA: What?! That's deceptive advertising!

DORCAS: At the very least, it's not very nice.

STORE CLERK: Oh come on. Did you really expect those shoes to walk out of here with you? Let me show you some of our other perfectly nice shoes. (leers) Unless of course you weren't being so metaphorical after all...

DORCAS: Well I never!

MARCELLA: As if! Get 'im, Fluffy!!

ROACH: (hisses) (jumps)

STORE CLERK: YAAAAH! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!


(Scene: outside the shop.)

DORCAS: Well that was interesting.

MARCELLA: Yeah. I sure have learned a thing or two about what real love is.

DORCAS: You mean for your levelheaded friend who tried to keep you from making a financial mistake but when she saw you were going to do it no matter what suspended all judgment and came with you and supported you and tried to share your special moment?

MARCELLA: What? No, I meant Fluffy here.

COCKROACK: (hisses)

DORCAS: Oh. That's cool too.

MARCELLA: Want to go pizza?

DORCAS: Do I!


THE END.


Yeah, I haven't heard back from him.

[Island Breeze]

He He! I love Fluffy! Great name for a Madagascar hissing cockroach! And it's trained to attack on command! I'm impressed!