So this all begins August 4, 2021. I went for my dreaded mammogram. To say I hate them is an understatement, and to be honest, I’ve been known to blow them off now and again due to said deep and abiding hate. Nobody in their right mind likes standing on tiptoe, hauling their boob up and dropping it on a shelf and having another shelf press down on it with enough pressure to turn it into a pancake. And yes, I said boob. I know that the mature, adult way to address said body part would be to call it a breast, but they’re mine, and I’m calling them boobs.
But I digress. I did NOT blow off my mammogram in 2021, so go me. Then I received the dreaded phone call saying, “We see something on your left breast, and we’d like you to come in for an ultrasound.” So I went for the ultrasound and they found nothing. Yippee and yahoo! Color me very happy about that. I’d like to say I then put it completely out of my mind, but of course, I didn’t.
Flash forward to summer of 2022, and it’s almost time for my mammogram. Well funnily enough, the medical building where I normally go caught on fire, and I took this as a sign to not get my mammogram at that time. I waited a few months, 4 to be precise, but the guilt was slowly building. I don’t deal particularly well with guilt. It’s a curse from growing up Catholic, so I scheduled another appointment with the same practice at a different site.
December 1st rolled around and I sucked it up and went and did my womanly duty to get my boobs tortured in that dreadful machine. Seriously, there has GOT to be an easier way to do this. I’ve been giving this a lot of thought, and while I am no engineer, there has got to be a less painful way to conduct this necessary test. I guarantee you that if men had to have their testicles squished like that every year, they would have figured out a far less painful way years ago.
Well a couple of days later, I got a phone call, and I was fully expecting to hear they found something in my left breast. Surprise! Nope, it was the right side this time! My first thought was “Oh it moved.” They wanted to schedule an ultrasound, so of course I said yes. I mean really, I could say no, but why would I want to do that. It was going to be negative, right?